I hate even calling her that but there are no other words to describe her. We decided to move her in with us after an auto accident and she is beyond mean to the kids (ages 8 & 10), DH and myself and she is my mother. She is 85 and still wants to drive which I think is part of the problem since we told her not until she would need to get hearing aids which of course she wants no part of. She is constantly yelling and I think part of it is not hearing what is being said to her. I told her she could gladly leave and go elsewhere but she doesn't want to do that either. I have spoken to her family care doctor who says other than the hearing issue and problems with her wrist from the accident she is healthy as a horse and unfortunately we cannot force her to get hearing aids. I have suggested she go to Senior Centers just to get around othes her own age but she wants no part of that either. I am not sure what we can do to try and make her happy but I am about at my wits end in trying and totally losing it with her. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. TIA
My mother is 84 and she is a walking, breathing pity party. Refuses any social contact with other seniors and whines non stop about herself.
If you look back to your mother's behavior before aging and ailments and see a similar pattern, well she is just being more of herself. There is no way I would allow her to yell at my young children. For their sake, make other arrangements for her. She won't change. And your children deserve peace in their home.
If she used to be a nice person and has changed drastically, she may be physically healthy as far as her general doctor can see, but she should have a neurological checkup. From what you say, even getting her there could be an issue but you could try. If you don't tell her that this is for her mental health you may have a better chance of getting her to the appointment.
If that's not the issue, then you need to change the situation. We can't force competent people to do things, however you are not bound to keep her in your home. Her treatment of your children makes this unwise long-term. Maybe you can tell her that since she is so unhappy with you it's time for her to find another place to live. Tell her you'll arrange things if she doesn't want to be in on choosing where to live. They do it.
I know this is all hard but think how hard it will be if this goes on for years. You mother could destroy your family.
Take care and please let us know how things are going.
Carol
My mom is quite toxic to be around due to personality disorders she's had her entire life plus dementia and a host of medical issues. She lived with us for a little less than a month and we were all near suicidal by the end. She had to go.
I found a place for her, took her on a tour, and asked her which apartment she preferred. Did the paperwork right there, and waited to find out her move-in date. She's been there ever since. Happy is not a goal for her. She wouldn't be happy in the penthouse in Heaven. She's safe, she doesn't have to cook, clean, do laundry, or anything really but get up and get dressed. We can visit when it works out for all of us.
To make the situation change, you are going to have to be assertive and cause the changes to happen. Welcome to the club. There's a lot of us in here. :-)
really great advice, it seemed as if I was reading my own thoughts, my grandmother has gotten to the point she is not happy is in a rage if anyone is happy.
I have guardianship, she tries to turn everyone against each other and has her own reality of untruths, It has been a life long thing with her but the addition of early onset of Alzheimer s has really pushed the sanity of everyone
You may actually have to go through eviction proceedings -- even if she isn't paying rent. Look into what the entails in your community. You will have to give her written notice of a certain length of time so do not leave leave this until the last minute.
I hope that when she sees you are serious and that she cannot live there until the end she will accept your offer of help finding her a suitable arrangement, but even if she refuses your help and refuses to look herself, you need to move forward with the eviction. If she is totally uncooperative, I would notify APS.
This is going to be extremely hard on you. Who wants the sheriff showing up to remove their mother? But you need to do this for your children, your marriage, and your sanity.
Again, best of luck. If you can't stop wifey, try going with them and when gwamma gets abusive, take the children, leave the room, and let wife deal with the abuse.