My adult son recently moved in with my mom to help care for her. I'm disabled and can barely care for myself. When my son goes to work, every evening my mom calls screaming at me or at my voice mail if I'm not at home. 3 nights ago I finally told her that she can't continue hurting me and I hung up. She proceed to call the police and tell them that my husband has been beating me. The police realized that she was ill and dismissed her after she also said invisible people live in her house and she had a gun. (They did take her gun and gave it to us). Last night while my son was working she called and started screaming at me again, then I heard a crash. My husband drove me to her house in my pajamas (I'm not able to drive anymore) and we found her unconscious on the floor. I called 911 and realized that she must have took too much insulin. Her blood sugar was only 28. Now at the hospital today she told the nurses that my husband pushed her after she told me that she can't believe her daughter would shove her down. We weren't even there before her fall and if we wouldn't have shown up she would be dead now. How do I deal with this situation? I don't even want to see her if she's going to accuse us and possibly get us in trouble. I don't want her to go to a nursing facility and she refuses to go as well. Her doctor suggests starting home hospice, but I don't know enough about it to feel that's the right choice. My son has so much on him (he's an emt) without dealing with her, and she's so mean and hateful to me. I can't deal emotionally or physically with her screaming at me like she does. Any suggestions?
And be sure to raise the incident of prior accusations and insist they contact the police to get the prior police report.
As an EMT, your son has enough pressure and stress w/o having to put up with aggressive behavior and false accusations against you.
Whether you want her in a facility or not, I agree with Babalou; her behavior dictates it's not prudent for family to care for her any longer. She may tolerate home caregivers, but if she doesn't, any agency hired might not want their workers in a situation in which they could be falsely accused.
Is her hostile behavior new or is this characteristic of her personality?
It sounds like your mom has some dementia; in general, symptoms get worse in the evening. If your son works nights, it's just not going to be enough unless you can find a way to get a paid caregiver to stay with her.
Nursing homes are not fun (though some seem to be quite nice) -- it's not ideal but sometimes the reality is that when a loved one needs constant supervision, one person cannot possibly provide all the care they need. The risks and stresses of keeping her at home might be greater than the unpleasantness of having to put her to in a NH.
I would continue to visit or her but do not sugar coat to staff how erratic her behavior has been or your struggles caring for her. I'm sorry you are going through this -- your hearts are in the right place but things do sometimes reach a point where caring for someone at home is no longer a healthy choice for anyone.
By the way, don't hypos tend to lead to aggression and confusion? Your mother's behaviour is the result of genuine illness. Try not to blame her for it, or to take her irrational rages to heart. She needs experienced care.
Can she set uo a home care agency to sens caregivers to her home around the clock? Can she afford that?
Poorly managed blood sugar can cause something called metabolic dementia. If hypoglycemia happens too often, the damage can become permanent. Diabetics are also at higher risk for vascular dementia and Alzheimer's. See about having your mother checked out for her reasoning ability. It sounds like she may need 24-hour supervision as others suggested.
As long as she is falsely accusing you, I'd take video footage whenever in her presence and I would try to avoid being around her unless there are witnesses. I'd seek help for her though. I might remind your son that leaving her alone under these circumstances could bring trouble on him. She's sounds like a senior in need of constant supervision. Why not get her assessed professionally?
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