898luvmymom Asked June 2015
How to deal with my Mother's loneliness?
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I need to find activities for my VERY INTELLIGENT mom! She is very attuned to current events, and I'd like to find like-minded friends for her! We live in an area where there are NO OLDER PEOPLE AT ALL!!
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A psychologist (forgot who) wrote that after her divorce, she went down to the pier, and waved back to someone on a tour bus. The whole busload of tourists waved back. Simple, but it made her feel better.
I accidentally made the message private, but if anyone else wants these links, let me know. I didn't post them here because some non-aging care related links get deleted.
Texarkana, I think trying to help your mother "fix her emotional state" might not be possible. I don't have that much experience with narcissists on a regular basis, so I don't really have anything to offer, but just wanted to share my sympathy for your situation.
This just might be one of the times when there is no solution, especially as I get the impression your mother would reject your efforts.
Or perhaps if you just dropped the issue your mother would initiate some effort on her own. She may be relying on the fact that you'll continue to try to find some method of pleasing her. If/when you stop, maybe she'll act differently, as i assume that as a narcissist she's used to the attention she gets, expects it, relies on it, and uses it as reinforcement for her behavior.
If she likes drama, there are Shakespeare groups throughout the country.
If she has a degree, she could join the American Assn. of University Women; the local one in my area has a current events/foreign events discussion group. Unfortunately, they do require a degree, although I was told that at least one of the subgroups was open to someone who has the equivalent of an associates' degree.
Libraries are good for stimulating discussion groups; I check libraries in several of the surrounding areas. I've found the ones in the upscale areas have the most diversified groups.
One local library had a display and discussions on The Silk Road. Another recently hosted a discussion of the age old question of why Hamlet "procrastinated" in his actions, led as I recall by members of the Canadian Shakespearan group.
Try community colleges as well; one in a neighboring county used to have annual series based on specific countries. The topics were wide ranging and from the titles appeared to be quite diversified and thought provoking.
You might also check with local universities to see what clubs they have and whether they're open to nonstudents.
If you can't find any, start one yourself. Contact a library to discuss it, create some flyers, put them up in grocery stores, ask the library to post it in its newsletter, let people in the area know about it. But think up some good topics first; you might have to do research on specific topics to be prepared to lead a discussion group.
It's too bad Borders went out of business but it was the perfect place for discussion groups. One of the local ones had groups ranging from needlework to French - conversations were to the best of my knowledge all in French.
Check with your town/township/county/surrounding towns for senior centers.
There might be more groups in the areas surrounding your rural area - check with the next good sized town. It might be a drive, but since you're willing, you could make a trip and intellectual adventure out of it.
There used to be a PBS forum on which folks discussed the various PBS programs, but last time I tried to find it it appeared to have been shut down. It was interesting to read the comments on such popular series
as Downton Abbey.
If she's a Jane Austen fan, there's a JASNA organization (Jane Austen Society of North America), with chapters in many states and even a few chapters in some states. She would definitely find kindred spirits there.
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