How do you deal with over dramatic relatives at a funeral?
Grandma's funeral is Friday, I called our local paper and put an Obituary in for her so all her friends who we could not find their numbers could know of her passing. Apparently the fact that my half siblings were mention as part of 9 grandchildren and no in laws were mentioned (THE LADY WRITING THE OBITUARY ACTUALLY TOLD ME THEY DON'T MENTION SON AND DAUGHTER IN LAWS BECAUSE IT CAUSES CONFLICT AND PEOPLE CALL YELLING AT THEM) passed off my uncle's wife. My uncle called my aunt flipping out on her that 9 grandchildren were mentioned and not the 5 who are from the 4 siblings. Here's the thing, my grandma considered my half siblings as her grandchildren, she was GRANDMA to them as well and they're heartbroken she is gone. I couldn't leave them out and the news reporter said that they would be counted as the grandchildren and she would not mention they were step grandchildren. The reporter and I went over this obituary with a fine tooth comb purposely editing it and re drafting it to avoid offending anybody. She and I were on the phone for more than an hour. Now I could have been spiteful and just mentioned my siblings and myself and how much she meant to us. The reporter didn't even mention my dog like she said she would, but I'm not mad about it. I was highly pleased with the obituary as was friends who read it. I'm just frustrated. There is no need for anybody to be carrying on the way my uncle's wife is carrying on. He also went as far as to yell at my aunt (his sister) that he is speaking at the funeral and he is speaking first. I don't care I'm more than happy going last because my words are my own and not the words of anybody else. We sadly had to warn the Rabbi about the bulls hit he's going to be walking into and he joked about the fact that my aunt is a "goyim" who is causing too much trouble and that Friday will be all about celebrating the life of my grandmother.
I am actually highly relieved that moving forward from Friday that they will not bother with us until she sends my uncle for the diamond earrings, now that grandma is gone we can even go back to setting the house alarm which I told my aunt we should change the code so when he attempts to break in it can't be disarmed.
I have never been more highly disgusted with people and I know they have a right to be at the funeral but it's all a show to his wife. She's going to cry and carry on like she loved and cared about my grandma meanwhile my grandma never liked her. The woman thought she was marrying into a rich Jewish family and in the end it turns out we weren't rich at all. My uncle's wife was never liked by and of the elders in my family. My great great aunt always called her by the wrong name on purpose and my grandfather was only afraid that he would tell her.how much he hated her while he was on his death bed. My grandma always had her pinned as a troublemaker.... If there is any reason why my mom doesn't get along with her brother and her oldest sister is because of the shit storms this woman is forever creating.
I feel like if she makes a scene at my grandma's funeral I won't be able to contain myself. I've been waiting YEARS for the day I don't have to deal with this woman again.
I just keep reminding myself that God don't like ugly and karma will get her.
Any advice on how to make it through the funeral without wanting to tell everyone to go home because it's all an act for them?
geewiz' last sentence sums up my feelings also.
The only thing that happened was my aunt's husband made a nasty comment that my dog was with us. (My dog is the family pet/ and helps me with anxiety attacks.) NOBODY was offended that my dog was there except for my mom's brother in law and sister in law and the Rabbi even gave the dog a blessing. (Notice the trouble makers are the two people who married into the family)
It's not a holiday, but it's a grieving time period. It's called Shiva and it's a 7 day grieving period from the day of the funeral and 6 days after. Family and friends come and help the family, they make meals and clean and stuff like that.
I'm sorry for the loss of your grandma.
Meanwhile you could do worse than remember the blessing on hearing of a death - blessed are you O Lord our God, King of the Universe, the Judge of Truth.
Singularly apt for the circumstances, hm? My sympathies for your loss x
PS The rabbi will have seen worse, trust me.
Captain- Its not just the earrings anymore. The cost of the funeral is being completely paid for by my aunt. My uncle hasn't offered to pay for a thing and my other aunt wont even return our phone calls. Instead she calls my uncle or has her daughter call us and her husband return phone calls. She made it a point to let us know via my uncle that one of my cousins was coming and that they will be keeping my cousin away from my mom. (My mom got over the issues with this cousin over 5 years ago) My uncle's wife made a huge deal about the obituary printed for my grandma because it counts my 4 half siblings as grandchildren but has no mention of her being a daughter in law (again the reporter told me they don't mention in laws because people will call and yell at them so they mention next of kin, nieces and nephews if the person doesn't have grandchildren or next of kin) My mom, aunt and my stomach have been in knots all day because we really have no idea how my uncle's wife and daughter are going to behave tomorrow.
Eyerishlass- We really wont be dealing with them after this and sadly we're changing the locks after tomorrow because don't know if my uncle has a key to the house or not. So we don't want to take any chances. It will just be my aunt, my mom and my siblings. My uncle and his family and my other aunt and her family have caused so much strain that we at one point began to regret putting the funeral on hold so that my aunt and her husband can fly up from the cruise they were on when my grandmother passed, even though my aunt kept asking if she should come up or go on the cruise, we were blindsided when she decided to side with her husband and go on the cruise and is now avoiding talking to my aunt and mother and me.
BoniChak, I've decided that my relatives have created their own karma, they will be acting up out of guilt and to hide many lies that were made up. I was with my grandma through all of this. She helped raise me, we've talked about these relatives and she probably wont be shocked as she watches down and sees how they act.
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