My father-in-law is in the final stages of copd/emphysema. Currently, he is in the hospital to build up his strength and to fight off a severe lung infection. For the first time in two years, I have had some time to myself, and have been able to clean some areas he would not allow me to before.
I was horrified what I found; mice droppings in his drawers, as well as dead insects and feces in his closet. I found piles of dirty clothes as well as filthy blankets on his bed. He now sleeps in the living room and only uses the bathroom in the master bedroom.
My husband also told me, when his father was admitted, that his feet were so filty and neglected, that skin just fell off when the nurse took his socks off.
He is not doing good and the doctor said he has only months left. I know that it is difficult to pin point a time with copd/emphysema, but it is pretty clear to me that he does not have much time left.
My fil absolutely refuses to talk about his dying, although the doctor has been very kind. We are all just trying to get him prepared. He is in real denial. I do not think hospice is an option, as he believes " they kill people". He also keeps going on about a "death Shot". He is terrified and will not even discuss a DNR.
So, I have accepted the fact that my husband and I can only help manage his symptoms at this point. I do not think he understands that hospice can help while at home.
Is Rehab a possibilty at this point ( to rebuild his strenghth)? How do I have an honest discussion with him?
Thanks
If worst comes to worst, consider called adult protective services and see if they can give your Dad a "warning" about his home, and the need for care there. That could also help.
Sending you good wishes. Being able to accept that you can only do so much will help all of you -- including him, even if he doesn't know it.
Hospice could be of such a help at this stage. My mother is in a nursing home, I had to call Hospice in to help her as she had pneumonia/COPD, etc. My mother is difficult too - she was having trouble breathing and I told her how Hospice could help with that and any other discomfort she was having. She initially didn't want them, but I told her they could help make her more comfortable with breathing, pain, etc. I learned that morphine helps expand the lungs; so it is not only for pain. This was explained to her and she finally agreed as not being able to breath and is quite frightening. Most of us assume Hospice is only when people are at the end. The nurse practitioner representing Hospice educated me on the facts of how the morphine helps in more ways than just pain management. My mother was seriously ill, but she recovered.
I realize your FIL is in worse shape, but if somehow you could convince him that Hospice can make him so much more comfortable; especially with breathing, maybe he will give them a try. The results I saw in my mother within a day were remarkable. These are two different sets of circumstances, I realize, but Hospice was a Godsend and my mother finally realized it. I'll keep you in my prayers. Bless you and take care.