I can't take it no more! I been taking care of my sick mom since I was 18 years am now 38. She had two strokes she died twice but able was to come back......shes in the hospital almost a month she dosent want to be alone so...she has her partner stay one night then me .........i cant do it no more am at the end of my rope .....i gave up everything for i have no life no money no dreams no future.....am disabled myself .....she depends on my check...........i cant do nothing am at my wits .....wish i could kill myself
What is the long-term plan for her? Are they expecting she'll be able to return home, or have they suggested you start looking for a care center for her?
Has she lived with her partner long? How is that person holding up?
Here is the simple truth: You do not owe your mother financial support. You do not need to give up your life taking care of her. See that she is taken care of? Sure. Do all the caring yourself? Nope. That is not your responsibility.
This isn't going to all resolve itself with a conversation with the social worker. But that will be a great first step. If you are on disability you should also talk to your caseworker about options for housing for you on your own.
The situation is so bad that you wish you could kill yourself. That is pretty severe! So it needs to be fixed. The good news is that it can be! Things can be improved greatly once you are in touch with the right resources.
Please continue to post on here. We'll be your cyber friends!
And if you have suicidal thoughts, PLEASE call a suicide hotline at any time of the night or day. Things look bleak now, but you deserve to look forward to a better life. Reach out for any help available to keep you on that track.
The feelings of "wanting out" of what seems to be a never ending situation are normal, but don't act hastily!
As far as staying overnight in the hospital--well--my hubby had a liver transplant and then a horrible post op infection. He was in and out of the hospital several times. He never wanted me to leave his side..BUT, I still had a kid living at home, I had a yard and a house and all that goes along with it. Staying at the hospital meant trying to sleep sitting up in a plastic chair....I did, a couple of times and then wound up with a migraine from stress and lack of sleep.
Hubby would sleep all day, every day. I was getting sick. Finally I did talk to the social worker and she talked to his drs. They made a point of telling him, many times, that I was going to be stressed to the gills caring for him AT HOME when he came home and by insisting I never leave him alone and never getting my rest was jeopardizing his chances of being able to go home and not to a rehab facility. Then they would actually MAKE me go home. He'd call at 5 or 6 am whining "why wasn't I there yet?"...when I had left him 6 hrs earlier.
Tough love is what it took. Also I assigned some of the kids days to stay with dad. I called his brother in from Iowa to stay for a few days.
I barely made it through his very long and difficult recovery. I'm glad I learned t self-preserve. A sick caregiver is useless.
I hope you find some respite--and try not to let mom guilt you. There are plenty of people in the hospital taking care of mom. You take care of you first.
at the hospital. Tell the social worker about your situation.
If you tell her or him that you can't continue to stay with your mother every other night, she/he will probably tell you to stop doing it. That is not a medical requirement or an adult child's duty.
It is very hard on the elderly and especially on persons not in their right minds to stay in a hospital. It is not surprising that they want a familiar loved one with them. When my husband was in the hospital (he had dementia) I made sure that one of our children or I were with him all the time. But their were several of us, and that was for 5 days! So I can't say that your mother's wishes are unreasonable, but, gee, that is really too much to ask of you. You should be able to get a little respite while someone else is caring for Mom, not spending every other night in a hospital.
A very good friend had a husband in hospital with cancer. She visited him daily but stayed at home at night and took mornings for herself. She had coffee, read her newspaper and then went out for late breakfast with friends. She told me that she knew her hub wanted her there sooner but she needed that time for herself. They had a very good marriage. He died from the cancer, but she had no regrets and her life went on afterwards. It taught me a lesson. At various times my mother would have had me give up my life to look after her needs. It was an ongoing battle to look after myself. I would never have lived with her. Keep in touch and let us know how you are.
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