My brother passed away in Feb. and I moved mom in with me in May . She has worsened alzheimers and I have always bee n the caregiver. I took her meals everyday for last year since we had to stop her driving. My brother and sister in law would stop in at their convenience. I have already had falling out with brother and sister in law over her going through moms silverware and taking some things before me and packing up rest to ;give" to me. She said mom was going to throw them away. Well mom had alzheimers at the time and I asked my brother to please not let her take anything else until I knew. That just flew all over both of them. My mom lived in small mobile home without anything. There were a couple of spoons from England , Her home, that I wanted.
This last episode was right after brother passed away and I told my sister in law I was putting moms insurance policy in my name. It was only 5000 for me and 5000 for brother to bury mom. She then made statement you know Mike left money for you and your mom, then she got lawyer and I didn't hear anything else. My brother had told me on 3 different occasions he was leaving money for mom and last time told me his wife could change it. I don't know if she got mad about th e life insurance policy or just greedy, but I asked her what was going on and she said she misspoke. I told her I didn't appreciate her lying to me--so now she is not speaking to me--originally she said she would help with mom, but Has been in her homeland of Scotland this whole month.
All of this to ask how do I deal with fact mom asks about her now and then, but I am very angry about all this and don't wont to even hear her voice. She mailed letter to my mom before going to Scotland and put her phone no. in letter and said if she needed anything she could call her son and daughterinlaw. I have been the one here arranging sitters, washing clothes, wash mom, etc. I have never gotten pat on back from brother or any of them. My brother was well off financially, but I told her it wasn't even the money, it was way I was treated, just left hanging. How do I deal with her and my anger?
So far it has worked "sort of" worked out. I have had a little trouble with one of his sisters. She is now being treated for depression and mood swings. She has made great efforts to make things right. I never confronted her about her nastiness, I waited for my husband to do that. I am still waiting. But as I said she is making great efforts to mend fences and I will give her credit for that.
In my humble opinion, your sister in law should butt out. This is not her family.
Regarding the thievery, you need to either let it go, or report the theft to the police. Let them deal with it.
Did you have two brothers and one passed away?
You may not get any encouragement from your family for caring for your mother.. but what you are doing is noble. You are giving love and help to someone unable to reciprocate...It's selfless.
What your SIL does with your brother's money is her prerogative now that he has died. You may very well not see one cent. Just accept that and if you do get something at some point, consider it a gift.