So many of us are in the same boat I know. I wasn't looking to rehash but, wanted to find some good ideas when dealing with these folks. I have POA have HC and am Executor. I take care of mom, she lives with me full time, pay for a cell phone so these folks can speak with her when they feel like calling. I do have a tiny bit of help from two siblings two days every two weeks or so. I share everything with them. The other three do not help at all (one I have spoken here about before - was squatting in moms home) but, when they do call they quiz mom on what I am doing with her, are confrontational when I do offer info and never offer support.
So how do you deal with it? Go out of the room when they call? Answer their questions, ignore them? I think I am a pretty rationale person and try to always put myself in their shoes but, enough is enough...
Parents who are going through an illness or otherwise often pine for the members of the family that only say or do what they want to hear. They may take for granted or even resent the person who is actively providing the care because they have difficulty relinquishing control even if they know they need help. Unfortunately, this is not uncommon and I'm going through it myself. My husband's out-of-area siblings are told by their parents how proud they are and how much they love them — but my in-laws don't say that to the son who is looking after them. Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do but attempt to be the bigger person for the sake of not escalating the conflict/mistrust. Develop coping mechanisms to keep you sane: Schedule time away from the situation to clear your head and seek out support here, through a counselor or friends who are going through a similar situation.
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/My-sister-filed-a-motion-for-Guardianship-of-my-father-But-could-not-prove-her-case-Is-my-father-obl-171041.htm
Not to challenge you, Maggie, but it might even be easier for Mom to use a corded phone as she can hold it better. And sibs can call on a corded phone just as easily as a cell phone, and Mom can still be enriched and keep in touch with them. Plus it saves money.
But then I'm not a proponent of having multiple phones as some folks do - my cell phone is ONLY for emergency.
And I do agree that positive touches are important for elders...actually for anyone!
Me? I see every "positive touch" my mom receives to be an enrichment. Lord knows her world is small enough. If the calls drove her crazy, though, the phone would be discontinued and calls from her children would have to go through me.
#1 -- Don't talk to them. "Oh, sorry can't. Too busy."
#2 -- Talk to them and let it upset you.
#3 -- Talk to them, consider the source, let it go in one ear, and out the other.
Whatever your pleasure. Your house? Your rules.
My sister filed a Motion for guardianship ..."
You never know what disgruntled siblings will do and this is a good example of a caregiver who was prepared.
I agree with the cell phone suggestions; there's no need for one, and it still hasn't been proven that batteries that close to the brain are not without harm.
I wouldn't pay for a cell phone for Mom.. If they want to talk with her they can call you.. If Mom insists on a phone she should be paying for it herself...
To put yourself in someone else's shoes is noble but your rational mind will never understand their dysfunction. Stop wasting your time thinking about them... Enjoy your time with your Mom..
Your a kind and loving daughter and she's lucky to have you..
Hugs...