Was hospitalized a few weeks ago for "acute vertigo" and falling down a lot. Low and behold to my surprise he was experiencing normal alcohol DT's (shaking/dizzy/etc.) and ended up having a seizure while in the hospital from the withdrawls. I had NO clue he is drinking like this... Anyway, took him home with 24 hour care and now he is refusing that and started drinking again. I am an only child and he lives alone.... he is combative and argumentative with me and will not listen to anything I say. ALSO, to make matters worse he is driving!!! He totally is showing signs of Dementia and not sure if ACTUAL Alzheimers or Alcohol induced Dementia,
Anyway, I am going CRAZY!!!!!
At his age he is unlikely to change his behavior, i.e. quit drinking. His drinking is probably the cause of his falling as well. I don't know that there is a solution for you. You may have to just put a Band-Aid on this and hope for the best. While he was in the hospital I'm sure his drinking was discussed. Once he got out 24-hour care was put in place but he's refused that and started drinking again. There's nothing you can do to make him stop drinking.
If he is hospitalized again the Dr. needs to be made aware that he is an alcoholic. He needs to be medicated so that he doesn't have another seizure and to avoid DT's. That's the best you can do for him right now. Please don't make him your responsibility. You think you're going crazy now??
It must hurt you very much to see your dad this way and I know you want to do everything you can to help him but unless he wants to stop drinking there's nothing you can do. It's up to you how often you feel the need to check on him. Check on him, bring him a meal, do some laundry....whatever. But don't take this on because his alcoholism is bigger than you and more important to him than you are. That's the nature of alcoholism. If you can find a way to detach I think that would be very helpful to you. You can be detached and still assist him. And at his age with his drinking habits and the falling down he'll need to be placed in a SNF soon enough. Maybe find a suitable facility for him for when the time comes. Do as much for him as you are psychologically able to and just hope for the best.
(I'm a recovering alcoholic of 16 years)
You may have to make the decision to live with your dad .. ?
Yes, unfortunately, it will take another "event" for change to occur. I didn't know about the alcoholism a few weeks ago but now I do. Will definitely make sure the healthcare workers know when the time comes.
I will be going by tomorrow. I stop by every once in awhile but we are not getting along and I am getting blamed for things I haven't done. you know the drill. anyway, thanks SO much for the responses!!!
What followed were years of eye-opening experiences regarding his character. It sounds terrible to say, but I almost wish that they hadn't been able to keep him alive when he was in ICU fairly early on in his downward spiral, because what followed for him lacked any quality of life.
He wouldn't give up his car either, because that was the only way he could get to the liquor store on his own, until he had a wreck where he had to be pulled out of the car. After that, he would simply order a taxi when no one was around to go to the liquor store.
Anyway, sadly, much of your solution depends on his financial situation. We eventually had a helper come in about 4 - 6 hours a day which can become very expensive over time. I moved from Chicago so I could be there the rest of the day. He was also often very mean-spirited to me, changed his financial advisor because he thought I was in cahoots with her and had stolen a $25,000.00 check he had ordered, which, it turned out, he had sent back to her in the mail, but couldn't remember having done so....and on and on.
I don't know what to tell you except to steal yourself and realize that, besides the alcohol, a person's neurological workings usually do change with age. He will not give up the drinking, he is too old and depressed and probably lonely, but you have to remember, these are his choices. I know it was heartbreaking for me to watch a once virile, slightly vain, very socially active man evolve into an unkempt mess - for wont of a better description - and, as difficult that is to watch, just think what it must be like for your father to look in the mirror.
Just continue to try to have some joy in your life. I was lucky to have met my current husband in this time, and having him around helped a lot. Maybe there are caregiver supportive groups where you are which you could communicate with occasionally so you realize that you aren't the only one going through something like this. I wish you luck and strength.