I am 48 years old. I have a severe mental illlness. My mother has dementia and heart failure. She is in a nursing home near my home. Two family members are angry because my mother is not moving to the shore near them so they are deciding to not visit at all. It is left on me and my sister in law to get to visit her everday. I was in hospitals for two months last year and am just rebuilding my life. Stress cause me to relapss My family does not believe I can't do this. I am feeling guilty for not going. I have given so much of my life to my mom, as she has had so many operations, strokes, and depression and anxiety since I am a child. My health is on this. How do I get family to help plus 14 nieces and nephews.? Help.
We also can't let the behavior of others affect how we feel. If your family won't pitch in that's on them, not you. Try to let it go and not let it affect you.
Do what you can do and let that be good enough. I understand you want to care for your mom but going to the nursing home everyday isn't necessary. I'm assuming your mom is in a nursing home because she couldn't be cared for at home by family. So let the nursing home do its job. Visit when you can. Call and check on your mom on the days you can't visit. I think you're putting too much pressure on yourself in thinking you have to visit everyday.
Send an occasional email to your family keeping them up to date on how your mom is doing and include something like, "Mom and I had a great time today and she asked how you were doing. She sure would love to see you." And then leave it at that.
Take care of yourself and attend to your needs first.
I know I get really annoyed with my sig other as he doesn't want to step foot in any of these places because it reminds him of his future. Well, both he and I are 70 years old. I have no problem going into a place. In fact, I find it interesting whenever there is a traffic jam of wheelchairs and watching the elders trying to figure out what to do next.
For yourself, there is no need to visit every day. I had thought the same way with my Dad when he moved to a senior facility. But one time I couldn't visit for a week because of transportation and Dad never complained once or asked where I was. That was my clue, I didn't need to go every day. Now I am down to visiting for a hour on Sunday.
I stopped updating my family because if they dont take the time to visit, they have no right to know how she is doing.
I used to visit more because I was worried about what the NH people thought of me and other guilty thoughts.... but it was not good for Me.