I have been the only one in the family making all the sacrifices and my family treats me like an outsider. I don't understand this. Can anyone help me understand what may be going on. I have tried and tried to reach out to them. They leave me out in the cold with any email, text or request that I send and they are limited at best. I'm hurt and confused. Any insight?
Welcome aboard. Many here have that issue. My sister attacks me and what I am doing but does not lift a finger to help. Finally I cut contact with her. It is not you, it is them. ((((((hugs)))))i
And one very important note, I could not have done four years of tge caregiving without my supportive friends on the dysfunctional thread! I had a place to moan and groan and most importantly vent about the twisteds vindictive behavior. So, come on over there, introduce yourself, read, contribute when you are ready, and know you are not alone.
Then there are the family members who only visit occasionally, so don't really see the worst of the dementia sufferer's behaviour and stubbornly want to believe that the person is still the person they remember (until it is very obvious to everybody they're not). This can go on for years with relatives spreading it around that the person is perfectly well and that you are just making up their problems. Very unhelpful -- it's hard enough to communicate the real situation to old friends and the community without false information going around.
As someone said, family or friends are always dropping in with a few minutes or no notice (we live in the country) even though I have asked them to phone ahead, and we may be in the bathroom trying to clean up or in another similar situation. I have to try keep the house visitor-ready and have to host anyone who wants to visit at any time. People can be inconsiderate to the nth degree.
If you are being criticized and abused by anyone you can speak up for yourself, but if that doesn't work then just see them as little as possible and try to protect yourself legally from future trouble. You have enough on your plate not to fight battles that you can't win.
Often when a person has dementia, it makes it unlikely that family and former friends will stay in contact, offer to help or even acknowledge the person anymore. I'm not sure why. I suspect they fear that I will ask them to do something like send a check or help with some matter. They don't want to see how their loved one has deteriorated. That's another factor. I think that in their mind, they have written it off as her passing away. They don't even send her cards or call and ask about her condition. I don't concern myself with it any longer and she doesn't remember them anyway, so, it works out okay.
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