Dealing with mom's death.
In August I posted this question. Since then, I'm still having a very very hard time with my mom's death. I keep thinking about what i could have done or should have done for her, I miss her voice and her smile. I don't really let family members into my grief because I think they think I should certainly be over it after 6 months. I'm not and it's getting worse. Maybe the holidays, I don't know but I keep thinking that I would rather be with her then here. She understood everything about me and I feel like an orphan now with no one to talk about my past and childhood with. I have family, don't get me wrong and they are wonderful but it's not the same. I sincerely miss her so much and regret the times that I wrote how frustrated I was on here. I wish I knew then what what I would feel now. Hugs to all of you...you're a wonderful group to have!
I will share some things I did for awhile that really helped me... I would write her letters, like she was just out of town... getting caught up and the 'remember when's" , it really did help.... may sound silly, and may not apply to you and your situation, but I was able to cry and miss her and move a little further down the grief road.....
Will also share something that was said at her funeral that has helped me more times than I can count..... 'Where ever she is, she knows"..... and no doubt our moms are finally in a soft resting place where they have no more stress and worries.... my prayers are with you..... it may not always get better, but over time it will get different....
Six months isn't all that long for grief, and everyone grieves differently. Be prepared for tough times during this first holiday season without her. I remember writing in my newspaper column about feeling like an orphan after my mother died. My dad had died just five months before. I handled it pretty well, but two years later - bam! I got hit with deep sorrow out of no where. It passed and I was fine, but my point is that you will always miss your mom and your will always grieve the loss. But it does get much better.
You will get on with your life without her and remember the good times - treasure the good memories. Just remember how much you did to help her and remember that your mind, like most of ours, will play tricks on you. Memories of little things that didn't even matter at the time can now pop up and seem like big deals. You'll feel like you should have done better. Done more. It's not true. When that happens, you need to remind yourself that you did your best and your mom knows you did.
If those feelings persist, you need to talk to other caregivers or a counselor.
If your mom had hospice care, they will likely offer you grief counseling for at least a year afterward, so give them a call.
The fact that hospice offers this counseling for a year shows you that they know people grieve for a long time. If you don't qualify for hospice grief counseling, and you don't start feeling better, please see a grief counselor or your spiritual adviser.
You did a wonderful thing by taking care of your mom. You'll miss her always. But your life will get better in time.
Blessings to you. We do care,
Carol