Had a bit of argument yesterday with Dad about selfishness. Wife was working, so took my 5 year old to see him and agreed we'd go somewhere. Theres a country park about 20 mins away - it's got ducks and a play area so my little girl gets to do something as well.
Anyway, so she was good as gold in the car. Got there and Santa was there too! So they wanted to see. Dad moaned and moaned that I should tell her she could see Santa another time, because he just wanted a cup of tea then leave and be home before it got dark. (Cars have lights Dad!). So I told him to do one and left him to sit in the car and wait - he was not happy!
This is typical of him these days. Its all about him and no-one else. Yet another example of his treatment of my kids. Its as if he thinks I should "section off" part of my time every week and this time should be 100% dedicated to his every need.
My wife now won't speak to him, avoids him, and to be honest, hasn't got a nice word to say about him. Yes he's my Dad but I can't say shes not totally right. At the moment, he really is probably the most selfish person I've ever met.... Sad really.
I've talked to him nicely and explained that he needs to think of other people and that 5 year olds dont really understand why they can't do something..... In one ear and out the other.
In his head, my duty is free up my time for him to do what he wants me to do and when he wants it.
Does your dad have dementia?
I don't know if him having dementia really matters except for the fact if he does than there is no use in trying to explain how you have other people who need you.
My mother has dementia she as she is concern everything should be about her. I am sure there might be some NPD in there somewhere.
I have read on this forum were a lot if not most caregiver are dealing with a selfish elderly family member.
And there is really not a lot you can do but set boundaries. If your little girl wants to see Santa and dad has to sit in the car and pout- so be it. Let him pout he'll eventually get over it. Don't let him stop you from being the husband and dad that you need to be. Set up your own guide lines and rules. This is what I had to do with my mother.
Good Luck.
My father is the same way, only is interested in himself and his wants and needs. Setting boundaries is the only way to go. Now you know taking your child to visit Grandpa is not something you will want to repeat. That is his loss.
Its so sad. Her gran comes to visit (wifes mother) and she makes a fuss and my daughter screams and hugs her. I say we're going to see grampy and she moans and says no I dont want to go. She listed the other day the people who she loved lots - my wife and I, her big brother, Nana, the cats even. Grampy got no mention. But its his fault totally.... Makes me upset to think about how he is.
Without going into details and a long list of problems (that we all have), my wife works but has health problems (Fibromyalgia), Ive got a teenager with aspergers, a 5yr old daughter and I work full time. Dad lives 30 mins drive away. You can imagine my life is pretty full.
I'm no spring chicken, 50 year old (yes I know I'm old to have a 5 year old), Dad is 84.