My mother has moderate dementia. She is in a home aged 90. She says she has no problem with the way I look after her which is as best i can due to living far away. But she has suddenly cut me out of her will. She says I dont need anything from her as I work and can pay my way, but other parents who have offspring who can pay their way do not become disinherited because of it, and some of my friends have more than me and still get a mention in their parents will. I thought my mother didnt like me but she says she does and thinks highly of me.. so why cut me out of her will? I pay something towards her care home fees and when she told me she wanted to change her will.. I paid the fee for changing the will. So I do my best and cannot understand this. Any ideas
So, like my 2 aunties told me: Your father has money. Let his money pay for your mom's expenses - her supplies, her medical costs, etc..
You see, I spent like 15 years paying this out of my measly paycheck - thinking that it was fair since I am living rent-free at my parents' home. I can honestly say it wasn't with the thought that I was going to get this house/land. My father is very old fashioned. He has told me several times that this place is going to my 2 brothers in the US mainland. If I want a house/land, I have to marry a guy who has one. So, I never ever thought of this place going to me. So, since your mother has money, let her start paying for everything 100%.
My father has been telling me that I'm a bad daughter - with such hateful emotion into it. Yeah, I admit, for years, I cried hard whenever he said this to me - in the privacy of my bedroom. Only when I found this site, I started to learn to think of ME and not my obligations to my parents 100%. This includes learning to like me enough to stand firmly against my father and just say: No. Just a few days ago, he said hatefully that I'm a Bad Daughter. It didn't hurt me at all. I was able to stand there and just stare at him. I refused to do what he wanted - which involves taking more than the recommended dosage of herbal supplements. I've been told that this is called "detaching." Ha! I bought a book on how to detach and never got around to reading it. It seems I stumbled onto how to do it. =) You can do it, too.
You have my permission - for what that's worth - to tell her white lies and keep things from her that would only upset her. I told my father once, when he was being difficult, "You know, we don't tell you things, and sometimes we even lie to you." He said, "I know, and I appreciate it!"
Second idea - was she actually competent to change her will? Maybe you should not have been willing to pay!!
Third idea - could a neutral third party, or maybe some other family member who she trusts who would be in your corner at least a little, talk to your mom and express that it is not usual to disinherit children unless they have greatly wronged their parent, (in real life, might also be done if they would be at risk of losing government benefits if disabled) and express concern for your feelings and needs to her?
I also wonder who she is leaving money to instead of you? I have heard of parents setting up trusts for disabled children and pretty much not leaving anything to the kids who have no disabilities. She says she is excluding you because you don't need it ... who does she think does?
Please try to do something good for you today and tomorrow. You are worth it. She is fortunate to have you. (((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))
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