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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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Yes. Hiding things and accusing people of stealing them is something that happens quite often in the mid stages of dementia. Very often there is a certain place where the things are hidden. If you can discover the place, you can tell the person that it was probably just lost, then go find it for them. Sometimes the secret hiding place is hard to find. I've heard of cases where people even took things outside to hide them. If you watch secretly, you might be able to figure out where the hoards are. The hiding and accusations are caused by the disease, so I hope you can let them just roll off your back, no matter how much it hurts.
BTW, the hiding is medications is perhaps done because they are paranoid someone will steal them. Then with short-term memory loss, they forget they hid them. So their fear that someone will steal their drugs is realized, even if they stole them from themselves. Retrieving the medications from the hiding place "unsteals" them. They had just been misplaced. Everyone saves face.
Are you kidding?! It causes everything, I think! I'm struggling with my mother because she is hiding her used Depends! I just had a very difficult day with her. She hasn't accused me of taking anything, but nothing would surprise me. She's a hoarder and it's mostly paper. If it has any kind of writing on it, she keeps it. She also keeps plastic bags and any kind of container that is aluminum with a plastic top (think coffee cake).
My husband, my brother and a wonderful friend just got my parents moved into assisted living (thank God) and you wouldn't believe all the places I found used panty liners (the kind for incontinence). And she's got the ones she hasn't used everywhere, too!
My parents had been living in a retirement community and my Dad was pretty sharp until he got shingles and then fell and had to go to the ER. I was fortunate that we already had a place for them in assisted living, but NOW I'm discovering how bad things were. I used to get upset with my Dad for not doing a better job with my Mom because I'd meet them for lunch and she would have stains all over the same blouse she'd been wearing the last time I saw them. Now I realize how difficult it was for him. I could go on and on.
I'm kind of dumping here because I'm worn out right now, but I just wanted you to know that anything is possible. If it seems over the top, then it's dementia. I guess it could be medication but by now they are getting all kinds of things to keep them going. Just do your best, try to be reassuring and don't feel guilty. Your family member is fortunate to have someone who cares!
As jeannegibbs said, learning about the disease so that you understand what is "normal" in that sense will help everyone to deal with it. Unfortunately, it is rare that anything can be fixed, rather learning to live with it and work with it is key. Is there an Alzheimer's Disease (AD) group in your area that you can join? Look online - I'm sure there is something. We have a wonderful group in my area - they offer a caregiver's class periodically that is suitable for every family member and friend who is involved in your loved one's life - additionally, we have support groups and even a social group. Another thing is to never stop questioning. My sister was diagnosed with AD over three years ago and we saw some rather abrupt changes in her recently. We learned the medical community advises that you "never assume it is the dementia" when you see sudden or drastic changes. We revisited her neurologist and some scans have been ordered. We'll see where this leads. (Just FYI because I know if I was reading this I would ask if we've not taken her to the doctor for over three years and the answer is she's seen regularly by the group as well as her MD but hadn't had a neurology workup in a year or so because she was fairly stable.) Try to stay open and flexible and practice some creative thinking! Good luck!
oh yes...the hiding, hoarding AND stealing..mom has done it all. I can't recall how many purses I've bought her in the last 3 years and they all "disappear"..just like her shoes and other clothing items. I've walked into the NH to find her wearing MEN"S clothes that she would have had to get from a male resident's room. She wanders into all rooms and "takes" things thinking they are hers. She has been wearing somebody's watch for 4 weeks now. I told the nurses and aides that she doesn't own a watch and maybe they could get it back to the rightful owner but she is still wearing it. When I ask her where she got it, she say's she went shopping and bought it. lol Isn't life grand? EVERY day is new and every day brings another problem, arguement, etc....but those very RARE occassions when during one minute, something "positive or good happens" is what I look forward to.
My grandma used to accuse me when I was a young teen of stealing money. Then she would steal things out of my room to punish me for the imaginary crime. She once accused me of stealing her dentures! Mom finally found them stuffed down her bra. When she died, the found thousands of dollars hidden in cushions, drawers, books, etc.-and years old candy bars hidden with them! Very common.
I am guessing that people with dementia are obsessed with their "pills". My Mom takes hers after she drinks her coffee and breakfast bar and when I set it down on her little table "Don't I have some pills to take?" I say "Yes, they are right beside your coffee". Then she will say she doesn't see them. Later, I may find one on the floor in her rocking chair or under it. It is just hard to say where they will show up. I try to let her do some things by herself, but I guess I am going to have to start standing over her when it comes to the medicine. And, the hiding thing, yes that sure does go with it. I am finding simple things of mine are coming up missing. Just things that I use that she knows takes me out of the house for awhile. I guess she figures if I can't find what I need, then I will stay in and not go out. She has gotten to the point of wherever I go, if she thinks it is too long, she will follow me. Grrrrrrrrrrrr! And, yes to the bathroom! LOL! Please let us know how things are going and my best to you.
Yes..what's bad about the hiding things is that they "forget" where they hid them. So, chloesgram,....you WILL have to stand over her while she takes her meds since you are "finding" them in places when she should have taken them. I've been having to do that with mom for many years. It's imperative that they get their meds each day on time. Besides, if there's an animal in the house,..cat or dog..they may find it and eat it! I have to watch mom with every little thing...EVERYthing.
Dementia will cause all kinds of crazy behavior and decisions. Expect the unexpected! My Mom actually sneaked into my room when I wasn't home and planted money under my bed ($30 in rolled pennies) and then accused me of stealing them!
By the way, Mom *thinks* she has millions of dollars in the bank - when in fact she has no clue how close to disaster and bankruptcy she is, and we can't tell her without starting WW3.
I'm sure we'll be accused of stealing "all her millions" when the truth is she's the one who's been spending what she has like a drunken sailor.
Do you have a way to disconnect/unplug the stove or oven? I finally had to go and pull the breakers in the fuse box to keep Mom from burning the house down.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
My husband, my brother and a wonderful friend just got my parents moved into assisted living (thank God) and you wouldn't believe all the places I found used panty liners (the kind for incontinence). And she's got the ones she hasn't used everywhere, too!
My parents had been living in a retirement community and my Dad was pretty sharp until he got shingles and then fell and had to go to the ER. I was fortunate that we already had a place for them in assisted living, but NOW I'm discovering how bad things were. I used to get upset with my Dad for not doing a better job with my Mom because I'd meet them for lunch and she would have stains all over the same blouse she'd been wearing the last time I saw them. Now I realize how difficult it was for him. I could go on and on.
I'm kind of dumping here because I'm worn out right now, but I just wanted you to know that anything is possible. If it seems over the top, then it's dementia. I guess it could be medication but by now they are getting all kinds of things to keep them going. Just do your best, try to be reassuring and don't feel guilty. Your family member is fortunate to have someone who cares!
By the way, Mom *thinks* she has millions of dollars in the bank - when in fact she has no clue how close to disaster and bankruptcy she is, and we can't tell her without starting WW3.
I'm sure we'll be accused of stealing "all her millions" when the truth is she's the one who's been spending what she has like a drunken sailor.
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