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She does not wear a bag but does an irrigation every morning just had to move in with me trying for both of us. Do I wait on her or only do what she can't I fix all her meals and take care of everything now any suggestions would be appreciatef
You'd better get rid of the notion you have to 'entertain' mom. You are doing more than enough, and it will get much worse in the future. Put her in front of the TV, and go do your business around the house, this is not on you.
I remember when my grandmother was in her decline, using a walker, and my hysterical mother hissing at us, 'go sit with her! GO SIT WITH HER'. My father told my mother to shut up and deal, and I had boyfriends and a social life, nobody was going to 'go sit with her' for more than an hour. (Now, I want to stress my grandmother was ill, didn't talk much, was in much pain. If she had been her loving alert self, that would have been different, but the poor creature was sitting on a plastic covered recliner all day long except for a shuffle to the bathroom now and then. She really belonged in a nursing home and that is where she went after unloading a gallon of diarrhea on the way to the bathroom.)
My wife wanted to go to the assisted living facility after having lived with me for over 50 years. She is well cared for and now I am her caregiver advocate and visit with her daily and part of that time I also spend eating with her and just watching her sleep. Sleeping must be what she can do without any fear while I am around in the room. Being retired from nursing is also being able to know what to do to help her and what not to do for her. Visiting is sometimes almost impossible since she may misinterpret what I meant while visiting. Assisted living is our best since cooking, etc. is not my forte at all. We are not all the same and have various needs ourselves and if the caregiver doesn't take care of himself or herself then they may pass on first. I've seen it happen all too often. Been retired for over three years now - worked in the OR and PACU most of my career.
Yes she helps with meals loves to cook And she loves to read this is new to both of us and I have to get over feeling like she is a guest and start doing the things I used to she still misses her home a lot and all her friends I live 5 hrs away from where she lived
Fromzstore - She is not a guest in your home and you do not have to entertain her. If there are activities she can do to contribute, that will help both of you. When my MIL with dementia moved in with us, for a while she was able to help with things like dusting (we'd do a room together), cleaning mirrors or glass, and cutting vegetables for soup or salad, etc. She always said she wanted to help, and I know that it gave her great satisfaction to feel like she was a functional contributing member of the family. (Sadly, she became less functional as time went on - but was still able to cut up vegs. Then she'd remark on the ones she cut - i.e., the specific kind - when we ate the meal. LOL! It was sweet.)
You mother must have/had her own interests. Can you help or support her in continuing any of them?
Thanks for all the advise this is a new journey for me she has only been with me a month and I still feel like I need to entertain her therefore have no time for me I no I have to get over this is I am to make this work I have always been real active and do a lot if quilting which now I feel guilty if I go to my sewing room and leave her in another room she does not want to go sit and watch me I do chemo wuilts for our local hospital I may have to give this up
Fromzstore, I'm glad to hear that your mom is in fairly good health and is still reasonably functional. I hope that the two of you living together works out for all the years she has left.
"Never" is a long time, and it is more common than not that dementia progresses to a point that cannot be handled in a private home with a single caregiver. Often it requires 3 shifts of caregivers. Hope for the best scenario, but don't rule out other options.
I never promised my husband that I would keep him at home. I promised "I will never abandon you. I'm with you on this dementia journey to the very end. I will see that you get the best care all along the way, and if I can't give that to you myself, I will find an excellent care center for you. I will advocate for you. I will be with you a lot." As it turned out, I was able to keep him at home (with help). Yay! I hope you can do that, too. But I'd advise you not to "promise" to do that, because the future is not ours to control, and I'd also suggest avoiding the term "nursing home." Most modern long-term care centers are not like the nursing homes your mother is remembering.
I would watch her closely to ensure she's doing it properly, which means you have to know what doing it properly looks like. Not long in her dementia, my cousin forgot how to work her remote and she was very familiar with how to do that before the dementia. She also forgot how to get out of car. Just a couple of years later and she can no longer write her name or use the bathroom. So, it depends on the person, but I would be prepared just in case.
What Jeanne and Mere wrote is true. If she continues to do the colostomy herself, she will remember how to do it for a long time. If you started doing it for her, she would probably forget fairly quickly. Things they do frequently seem to go into rote memory, so the steps are remembered better. It's a bit like a computer loading common programs into its startup menu so things run smoothly.
She has always said she will never go to nursing home so I will do this as long as I can she is in pretty good health except her colonospy and her memory loss she still is able to read books which she loves and go to church at 87 she does pretty good just cannot live by herself
My Mom had an iliostomy for over 20 years. She remembered how to change her pouch and empty it for a long time after being diagnosed with dementia. As her dementia progressed I found she would forget the order of some of the steps. It got pretty messy before I had to put her in assisted living. (I worked full time and the hired caregivers were always a problem.)
I did learn how to take care of her ostomy, which I recommend you also do.
Things that are routine and have been done repeatedly for a long time sometimes continue to be remembered by someone with dementia. Your mother has done this 18,000+ times and she may be able to do it almost on automatic pilot. She may need cuing or reminding to do it at all. And it is possible she will forget, as some dementia patients forget how to brush their teeth.
In other words, it is pretty hard to predict, but you'd better be prepared to do it or to coach Mom step by step through it, if it becomes necessary.
In general, it is best to encourage persons with dementia to do all the things they can do on their own. Waiting on them for things they could do themselves is typically not a good idea.
May I ask, how did you decide to bring Mom into your home instead of having her go to a care center?
There may indeed come a time where she is unable to care for her colostomy by herself, just as many people are unable to properly care for their normal bowel functions any more. Have you ever helped her? You could ask her to show you what to do just in case it is ever needed, and there are also videos on youtube that you can watch.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I remember when my grandmother was in her decline, using a walker, and my hysterical mother hissing at us, 'go sit with her! GO SIT WITH HER'. My father told my mother to shut up and deal, and I had boyfriends and a social life, nobody was going to 'go sit with her' for more than an hour. (Now, I want to stress my grandmother was ill, didn't talk much, was in much pain. If she had been her loving alert self, that would have been different, but the poor creature was sitting on a plastic covered recliner all day long except for a shuffle to the bathroom now and then. She really belonged in a nursing home and that is where she went after unloading a gallon of diarrhea on the way to the bathroom.)
And she loves to read this is new to both of us and I have to get over feeling like she is a guest and start doing the things I used to she still misses her home a lot and all her friends I live 5 hrs away from where she lived
You mother must have/had her own interests. Can you help or support her in continuing any of them?
Linda
"Never" is a long time, and it is more common than not that dementia progresses to a point that cannot be handled in a private home with a single caregiver. Often it requires 3 shifts of caregivers. Hope for the best scenario, but don't rule out other options.
I never promised my husband that I would keep him at home. I promised "I will never abandon you. I'm with you on this dementia journey to the very end. I will see that you get the best care all along the way, and if I can't give that to you myself, I will find an excellent care center for you. I will advocate for you. I will be with you a lot." As it turned out, I was able to keep him at home (with help). Yay! I hope you can do that, too. But I'd advise you not to "promise" to do that, because the future is not ours to control, and I'd also suggest avoiding the term "nursing home." Most modern long-term care centers are not like the nursing homes your mother is remembering.
I did learn how to take care of her ostomy, which I recommend you also do.
Best of luck.
In other words, it is pretty hard to predict, but you'd better be prepared to do it or to coach Mom step by step through it, if it becomes necessary.
In general, it is best to encourage persons with dementia to do all the things they can do on their own. Waiting on them for things they could do themselves is typically not a good idea.
May I ask, how did you decide to bring Mom into your home instead of having her go to a care center?