Prior to my mom being in the NH she lived alone. She was managing but all of a sudden she started calling me a lot at work asking me names of places and phone numbers...having trouble remembering. She didn’t pay her bills for a month so I took things over online. Did what I could do from afar. When I came to visit, I made sure I had doctor appointments lined up. They put her on antibiotics for a UTI but she also wasn’t taking her medications for thyroid, diabetes & CHF. Her endo was not surprised by memory issues as well as her increased swelling in legs and the more health problems rearing their ugly heads. I got mom some home care as I live in another country. She was all of a sudden having trouble standing up and walking. The home PT came in and found her on the floor. At the hospital they discovered she had a brain bleed from the fall. After all of this...now mom doesn’t seem to remember who is passed on and asks about her mom. She forgets I don’t work or live in NJ anymore. A friend called her and when I mentioned it must have been nice to talk to said friend, she has no recollection that they spoke yesterday. The friend even said she sounded good up until she said my dad hasn’t visited her yet (he passed in 2016). Some days she’s more orientated and other days it’s a battle to get her to understand why she can’t come home. She does not seem to recognize she can’t stand up on her own, or walk. She doesn’t try but in her head thinks she can go home and do all these things to take care of herself. The psychologist and doctors have said she is not capable of making decisions on her own anymore. But no one has told Me if this is dementia that has set in or if this is from the brain injury. I want to read up on dementia so I know how to handle my mom as she was never really a truly nice person before but with dementia if that’s what it is I have to handle things differently. She doesn’t remember disowning me 5 times and telling me not to call or visit and when I told her this, she asked me if I was still mad at her. It broke my heart because maybe she doesn’t mean it now but it is so hard for me not to get mad and angry when it’s happening like when we use to fight prior to all of this. Should I treat this as dementia anyway?
Erica -your mum is where she needs to be. Her brain is broken and may not have been wired normally to begin with. It is good to learn about the characteristics of the appropriate dementia so you know what is coming and how to deal with what is right now,
However, the managing of your day, your tomorrow and your week is also very important. You need to protect yourself from the stress too, as you can't fix your mother's problems. You don't have to take all the calls. You can let some go to voicemail. I found my mother would forget that she had called, even though at the time she called, it was very important to her. My heart goes out to you (((((hugs)))))
I keep saying one day at a time and take deep breathes. I think this forum and you all have a tremendous help as well.
Then came a second serious fall, also with head injury, back to the hospital, another brain bleed, then to rehab, and then into long-term-care. Mom forgot how to walk or even stand. It was like all the sudden she was in late stages of dementia, which surprised me as she was pretty sharp for a person of 97.
Thank goodness I learned a lot on this website here about dementia so I just followed the recommendations. And I also taught my Dad how to relate to Mom whenever he visited her, just agree with everything she says, do not try to correct her. Surprisingly Dad did quite well. Except for times when Mom said she walked for 20 minutes [which never happened] but Dad believed Mom and wanted to bring her home.... [sigh]
To learn more about dementia, scroll down to the bottom of this page to the blue section. Click on ALZHIMER'S CARE.... there are excellent articles about both dementia/alzhimer's. Plus you can ask us any questions here on the forums.
I haven’t spoken to my mom for several days. Just no point, same conversation over and over. It’s better for both of us if we just detach for now. I tell her nothing about finances. She thinks her insurance covers everything. That’ll work.
And you can rest easy now. Your mom is safe and cared for. Deal,with the financial/house stuff or delay it if possible and take a breath.
You mom may be more connected however, but you still may want to pull back a bit if possible. She’ll be fine.
Is there a geriatric psychiatrist who visits the N H? It sounds as though your mom is somewhat anxious and agitated. Meds sometimes help.
" I'll check into that, mom" became our response to lots of stuff.
Oddly however, she has never mentioned not having a phone. At home it was a huge problem. Crap scam charity calls all day and they got caught in the the GRANDKIDS IN JAIL scam. I caught it just in time. They had gone to the bank and withdrawn $1500 but couldn’t figure how to get money orders the scammer was demanding. The teller and manager at the bank tried to dissuade them but they wouldn’t listen. I found the cash in a drawer while cleaning out the house. It would have been just a matter of time before they’d have been wiped out.
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