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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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My husband wears a watch, but can't tell time anymore. If he looks at a wall clock, he sees a different time than what it really shows. The same thing with a calendar, but not so bad.
I've been thinking a bit about this question of telling time, something that we've become used to since the development of time keeping machines.
First Nation peoples, our ancestors, people who lived before the advent of time keeping machines, and even backpackers learn to keep time by the movement of the sun and moon, albeit more difficult when days are cloudy.
Granted that time pieces are helpful, but there are other ways. I've been wondering if people with dementia would find it more natural and easier to roughly estimate the time of day by watching the sun and moon movements.
As we age, time isn't as important other than for appointments, as we don't have to get up to go to work. Maybe's there's an easier way for our elder, something natural.
In some ways, animals and plants are more adept at season change than we are. Squirrels know when to create a stash of nuts; bears know when to hibernate. They don't have a massive array of beautiful calendars to guide them.
I had seen the clock face test before and asked Mom to draw one when she moved back home, she could not do that 18 months ago. I have a large calendar and a dry erase board with the month and year with all the birthdays and important events for that month, by the TV in front of her breakfast table. I also have a small one on the refrigerator door. She used to glance at it but anymore she pays no attention. I decided to tape her about 10 days ago with my camcorder where I asked her questions off the top of my head. I had placed a large face clock in front of her favorite chair in the entertainment room so that, I thought, she could keep track of the time when she moved back home While recording I asked her to take a look at the clock and tell me what time it was. The actual time was 5:15. She kept repeating 35 over and over. Well, one hand was on 3 and the other was on the 5.
Let's go back to Christmas, 2013. My mom opened all her gifts on Christmas EVE because she thought it was Christmas day! That happened all the time. She would also get confused on a person's name, e.g. Janice-she swore the woman's name was JANET! It was so frustrating that I gave up! My daughter's late FIL's name was Nils Nilsen. She kept asking me OVER AND OVER AND OVER "what is his name?" I said "it's Nils Nilsen." Then when she met him for the first time, she called him NIL! So embarrassing!
For my parents (both of whom have dementia, each a different kind), keeping track of the days and the hours is part of their desire to maintain control. That's easy enough to understand, but hard to address as a caregiver. Telling them the time and day over and over doesn't seem to relieve their anxiety about time - all the calendars and clocks we have around the home are not a solution, just a panacea. I've noticed, though, that their wanting to know is just a reflex action; they don't care much about the answer. So now I answer with "It's time to have fun!" or "It's time to dance!", "It's time to eat chocolate!" - which distracts them, makes them laugh, diverts their attention. Just a suggestion. There's certainly no "one size fits all" in this arena!
Deb, because u cant change mom and it will no doubt get worse over time, perhaps u could get to know a cashier at the store u frequent then let mom put things in cart and when u check out the cashier could set aside the things you dont want. If u explain about your mom i find most people have a kind heart and will help.
I am so tired all the time my mom wears me out. I have had multiple surgeries on my right foot and have a blood clot disorder. I swear even though she is 91 and has dementia she has more energy than I do. All she wants to do is go shopping. In her mind the money never ends. When I have to get her prescriptions she thinks since I have the money to get them that I have money to constantly buy her things. When I have to go to the store if I don't watch her every second she is constantly putting things in the basket she doesn't need and when I try to put them back without her looking she just puts more in. Can someone please tell me how to handle this? I know she has dementia and doesn't understand what she is doing but it takes me forever when I take her with me.
My mom is 91 and has dementia, she has a terrible time with a clock, she will wear a watch but doesn't know what time it is or what day it is. Everyday she asks me if she has to go somewhere? I explain that today she is going to see her friends at the MAC center and spend some time with them. She went to see her neurologist last week and when he had her draw a clock out of the circle he put on the paper she couldn't figure out how to distinguish 3am from 1:30. It upsets me so much to see her in this condition and I am glad to know that other people are also having these problems with their loved ones.
Why does your husband have to know what time or day it is? What purpose does that serve? If he can't tell time, read the clock, or the newspaper, etc. then just accept that. Aren't you frustrating him and yourself more by trying to get him to do this? He's in a place in his life where that isn't necessary. It IS necessary for YOU however so that you can get him to appointments on time, etc. He is content and happy with where he is at. Accept that. cadams
Private1There is no one person with dementia that has the same symptoms --there is different stages when you have Alzheimers With my sister she could tell you something one day & then tell you she did not tell you that.Then there is the story she would tell people about the man looking in her windows to him trying to get in to the work shop. Later the same story but she called the cops.None of it true- but in her mind it was very true! My sister could even lie to me & think nothing of it- I had to prove she was driving her car when she said she had not.We finally sold her car .She had a notice that her licence was taken away -- but she was keeping her license anyway!I would keep a notebook handy so I could recall different epassotes . I would go to her Dr appointment with her so that the Dr & I could compare notes. My sister to this day can not remember falling & breaking her hip years ago. A very sad disease. You can't do it alone - get the Alzheimers association to help and any other organization also.Don't wait until you are burned out to get help ,there is a waiting list to have a loved one placed !! Hope this helps.
Lllamalover47, I'm just thankful that she's been in AL as all these time changes have taken place. I would've been 6 feet under myself if she would've stayed with us all these years. Fresh folks on eight hour shifts can handle that madness, plus mom is in a wheelchair now. No way I can do transfers as I'm not that young myself even though she's 80 some pounds.
This site has been a Godsend to me as far as letting go of the guilt. Sometimes situations are just out of our league no matter how much we want to take care of our elders be it out of love or guilt.
I'm glad I realized that before my 'calendar' ran out. It is soooo difficult. It still is hard, just in a different way.
When my mom lived with us, she absolutely had to get up at 5:45 on the dot every day of the week. That meant I was up at 5:30 every day too with no respite for months. She refused any in-home help and I had no sibling help and a child of 14 at the time. That was one of the contributing straws that brought about her AL placement. I was exhausted!
Now that she's been in AL for over four years her waking time is now 1:30 a.m. It went from 5:45 to 4:30 to 3:30, you get the gist, over time. She refuses to see a doctor and would never take a dementia test. Yes, she is a narcissist who likes tight control over everything including bodily functions and is whipped into a frenzy when things don't "come out" on her schedule.
Sorry I have no suggestions for you. :( Just had to rant as I know how crazy-making these situations can be.
Same with my Mom. I tell her nothing in advance. For the same reason she gets up really early. If u tell her a friend is visiting at a certain time, she asks constantly where her company is coming. So, I tell her when the friend gets here. Same with appts. No reason she needs to know. Their time and days just run into each other. I wouldn't tell her when ur coming exactly.
Same with my mom! She is getting worse. Especially if we have an appointment or a plan to do something. She would become very confused and upset so I stopped telling her anything in advance. Otherwise, she'd get up and dressed at 6am and start pacing around.
Hello! My mother has a very difficult time with the calendar. We have a big calendar on her dining room table that we write when my brother will be there next. Not too long ago she called my cell phone screaming and asking where the h___ was I! I was suppose to be at her house! I said Mom I am coming on the 22nd today is the 13th. She said I was wrong and I must have a different calendar than she does. She ended up slamming the phone down saying she was very upset and she was going to go for a walk. I called later and she did not remember the conversation or that we had even talked that day.
I had a red numbered digital clock for Mom. Numbers we not quiter an inch tall. In the dark red tends to blur and she couldn't read them. Daughter got her yellow colored numbers somewhat bigger. Still some problem reading all the numbers but usually can tell its around something. Mom doesn't understand five, 10, 15, ect minutes after. Or quarter, half so on. We were told to use calenders and newspapers to help her understand what day it is. No, doesn't work but I continue to do it.
The whole problem with dementia is that we don't know what part of the brain the dementia will strike at. At thats the bit that is so frustrating. You don't know whether they are just being their difficult selves or whether its the dementia especially if they have always been difficult to begin with.
As a caregiver and daughter of a mother who has a dependency personality disorder and was always narcissistic, it is now impossible for me to tell where one of those facets ends and where dementia takes over. You think you have it sussed then they do something totally out of whack. She was always stroppy if she didn't get her own way. Is she worse because thats a gradual thing and it was getting worse for years...or did she always have dementia coming on and that has made her worse? Is she worse because the dementia has taken away her ability to control her emotions, or is she just frustrated too?
Answer I DONT BLOODY KNOW - I think its a mixture of all of them, any of which can appear at any time
I find this rather odd because my surrogate dad actually had dementia but he was very sharp in this area. I think from all of our experiences here, we will find that dementia affects people differently. My surrogate dad was very sharp in some areas to the point where he seemed actually pretty normal during the day. However, I started noticing a slight change in the evening, and worsened as the night progressed. It wasn't until I realized it was sundowners that something was wrong. At the time I had absolutely no experience whatsoever at recognizing dementia or even Alzheimer's. When you have no past experience, this kind of thing can actually creep up on unsuspecting people who really don't know what to look for in order to spot the problem. It wasn't until I was in contact with the right people before I started realizing what was happening with dad. Since I wasn't a blood relative, there was very little I could even do because he has no blood family. Because dad seemed so normal much of the time, this made it much harder to spot a problem. All I can say from experience in my own experience with dad is that not everyone with dementia has problems with clocks or calendars, he didn't.
youtu.be/LL_Gq7Shc-Y?list=PLgXCxOg-CBEtEfrlT8Eu66fMllm1r4TRS Check it out....enlightening for those of us who do not suffer the disease but are, or were caregivers. God watch over all of us.
Yes, I'm finding this is a common problem. Although I'm very aware of my mom's mental decline, the drawing of a clock test was really an 'in your face' moment from just 9 months ago. A Dr. once explained to me the following, which I find in my mom's case to be very true: there are separate pathways - one for space, time, dates, etc and the other for language. My mom still recognizes all of us, and knows what things are called, this is a pen, table, etc. However, the area of the brain with the time and dates is very impaired. She thinks my brothers in their 50s are teenagers, and my brother in his 60s is in his 20s. The concept of time is completely off. However she would constantly ask what the day of the week was. This was my fix which works for us, and hopefully for you as well. I printed 7 separate sheets of paper saying - TODAY IS....Monday, today is...Tues, etc and every day we switch it and she refers to it often. It's big, clear and simple and in a way empowers her since she doesn't have to ask anymore. I find less is better, so instead of an actual calendar, I suggest perhaps following the same format and create a simple one that only shows today's date instead of having to recognize it.
Sassy, thanks for the reminder that drawing a clock is one of the mini tests for cognitive decline. I recall my friend telling me how devastated she was when her mother could not even begin to make a clock face, it really hammered home to her how insidious the beginning stages of dementia can be.
Telling what time it is and what day of the week it is has been a challenge for both my parents. For my dad, who is also legally blind, the atomic talking watch has been extremely useful. It cost $59, and automatically changes for daylight savings, which avoids confusion for him with that issue. My mother has trouble with the day of the week, and she found an analog clock in a catalog with a large face that also has a hand for the day of the week. The face and the hands are large enough that my dad can tell what day it is. Each year I print out a calendar for my mother with large numbers and important dates that I know she wants to remember (birthdays, anniversaries). She crosses off each day before she goes to bed.
My sister who is 71 has Alzheimers & at the mental health centre that is one test they do. Draw a clock with numbers on it & then they have to put a time on it drawing the small hand & the big hand. & placing time given her coordination is off & drawing a clock is like a four year old might draw - My sister wears her watch daily but can't tell the time.I have her in a home now & she also carries a pocket book around that she reads -- but she really can't read either.She is happy & conteted & that is what counts.She is with people & they do crafts & play games.Some days are better then others. She is where she needs to be.
One of the first things my father lost was the desire to know what time it was. He stopped wearing a watch. He doesn't know what day or time it is most of the time. Strangely, one of the few things he does is get the mail, and he will wake up every 30 minutes or so after lunch to look at the clock to see if 3 pm is approaching when he'll walk up to get the mail. I don't know how long that will last now as he's almost falling down now.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
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APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
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If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
First Nation peoples, our ancestors, people who lived before the advent of time keeping machines, and even backpackers learn to keep time by the movement of the sun and moon, albeit more difficult when days are cloudy.
Granted that time pieces are helpful, but there are other ways. I've been wondering if people with dementia would find it more natural and easier to roughly estimate the time of day by watching the sun and moon movements.
As we age, time isn't as important other than for appointments, as we don't have to get up to go to work. Maybe's there's an easier way for our elder, something natural.
In some ways, animals and plants are more adept at season change than we are. Squirrels know when to create a stash of nuts; bears know when to hibernate. They don't have a massive array of beautiful calendars to guide them.
I would go to her Dr appointment with her so that the Dr & I could compare notes.
My sister to this day can not remember falling & breaking her hip years ago.
A very sad disease. You can't do it alone - get the Alzheimers association to help and any other organization also.Don't wait until you are burned out to get help ,there is a waiting list to have a loved one placed !! Hope this helps.
This site has been a Godsend to me as far as letting go of the guilt. Sometimes situations are just out of our league no matter how much we want to take care of our elders be it out of love or guilt.
I'm glad I realized that before my 'calendar' ran out. It is soooo difficult. It still is hard, just in a different way.
Now that she's been in AL for over four years her waking time is now 1:30 a.m. It went from 5:45 to 4:30 to 3:30, you get the gist, over time. She refuses to see a doctor and would never take a dementia test. Yes, she is a narcissist who likes tight control over everything including bodily functions and is whipped into a frenzy when things don't "come out" on her schedule.
Sorry I have no suggestions for you. :( Just had to rant as I know how crazy-making these situations can be.
As a caregiver and daughter of a mother who has a dependency personality disorder and was always narcissistic, it is now impossible for me to tell where one of those facets ends and where dementia takes over. You think you have it sussed then they do something totally out of whack. She was always stroppy if she didn't get her own way. Is she worse because thats a gradual thing and it was getting worse for years...or did she always have dementia coming on and that has made her worse? Is she worse because the dementia has taken away her ability to control her emotions, or is she just frustrated too?
Answer I DONT BLOODY KNOW - I think its a mixture of all of them, any of which can appear at any time
Check it out....enlightening for those of us who do not suffer the disease but are, or were caregivers.
God watch over all of us.
Although I'm very aware of my mom's mental decline, the drawing of a clock test was really an 'in your face' moment from just 9 months ago. A Dr. once explained to me the following, which I find in my mom's case to be very true:
there are separate pathways - one for space, time, dates, etc and the other for language. My mom still recognizes all of us, and knows what things are called, this is a pen, table, etc. However, the area of the brain with the time and dates is very impaired. She thinks my brothers in their 50s are teenagers, and my brother in his 60s is in his 20s. The concept of time is completely off. However she would constantly ask what the day of the week was. This was my fix which works for us, and hopefully for you as well. I printed 7 separate sheets of paper saying - TODAY IS....Monday, today is...Tues, etc and every day we switch it and she refers to it often. It's big, clear and simple and in a way empowers her since she doesn't have to ask anymore. I find less is better, so instead of an actual calendar, I suggest perhaps following the same format and create a simple one that only shows today's date instead of having to recognize it.