My-78-year old mother has had several traumas the past few years (losing her sister, relationship with son, triple heart bypass and most recently my father passing away in April while she was recovering from hip surgery (followed by 79 days in rehab). Something changed in her. In late November she had her first UTI and I feel all has gone downhill since then. She can’t remember things like the month or year. She knows all of us, doesn’t repeat herself, or misplace items but she doesn’t seem to have the will to do anything. She was diagnosed with depression and is still trying to find the proper help. She also has terrible nights . I have heard of pseudo-dementia due to depression. Has anyone experienced it? I take care of her bills and she is with me now. Since returning from rehab she is 100 percent dependent on me for everything she can do, but doesn’t. I have searched for a geriatric psychiatrist with no success. My biggest fear is dementia but to me it’s not that. She never smiles, shows little emotion and basically is a shell of herself. Even in the rehab she had some happy days. My father’s death was unexpected at the time. She did not get closure and was unable to attend the funeral. I’m at a loss. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. She also has multiple health issues (type 2 diabetes, chf, kidney issues. Thank you!
This could be depression as you suspect.
has her doctor tried any medications for the depression? Her doctor can refer her to a therapist.
Now...
There is an "official" diagnosis of "Failure to Thrive" It is not thought of a lot, it is not all that common in the grand scheme but it can be used as a "catch all" when other diagnosis fail. From what you have said this could be what you are dealing with. Some of the symptoms are:
Weight loss of more than 5 pounds
decreased appetite
physical inactivity
cognitive and functional decline
social isolation
psychiatric factors
Multiple medical problems.
It might be a good time to have a difficult but honest talk to your mom about what her wishes are and what end of life choices she wants to make. And if she would accept Hospice as an option.
When I lot my beloved husband, I was a shell for 2 years! Of course she is just basically surviving. Mom has to pull some serious strength from within, and it won't be easy.
I hope you find a good counselor, even a grief counselor while trying to find a psychiatrist. Her life has come down around her and she must be overwhelmed.
I wish you luck in helping your Mom!
"Check the largest health care practice in her area. If they have an internist who specializes in geriatric care, get mom an appointment. They are able and ready to refer to a geriatric psychiatrist in their practice or outside and may be able to speed up the process for you. But they may be able to help your mom right there without referring to a psych"
There is so much she has had to deal with, physical, grief, family estrangement.
I hope you can find someone to help her navigate it all. It's a lot for you. It's hard to motivate someone, you have to kind of be the "bad guy" when all you want is to be the daughter. I have to push my mom to do things. Sometimes even telling her about what appointments are coming up gets her anxiety going. She just started seeing a psychiatric nurse practitioner who specializes in the elderly. It's so hard. Post hospital and rehab delerium is real.
Hoping she can get some relief soon.
UTIs need to be handled a certain way. Has she been tested again? She should have a culture done to determine the bacteria involved so the correct antibiotic is given. Then start giving her cranberry tablets to help prevent it coming back and maybe a probiotic. Also Mannose D may help.
Her dpression med may not be the one for her, as for another one. This poor woman has been thru a lot. Maybe seeing her son and grands may help a little.
It takes time to reach a point of acceptance. I've been single for 23 years.
I'm so sorry, it sounds like your mom is just giving up. Some people can only go through so much pain in there life.
Is your mom on antidepressants? That may help, but also if she is if it's not the right antidepressants, it could make her seem out of touch , like you say
I worry about her getting to attached to you, I understand your trying to help her, but maybe your enabling her a little too much, and helping to much.
Alot could very well be depression and looking like dementia, but also your mom's brain is aging so there could be a little of that also.
I would Google dementia, go on YouTube and educate yourself on all of it, then see if you see signs that you educate yourself about.
Many people, I was one, thought that dementia was all like Alzheimer's, it's not, expesially vascular dementia.
Another red flag I'm seeing is the fact that you mom had sugarys. The anistia can cause worsining brain function.
Best of luck, keep us posted on how things are going
Often it gets better over time and sometimes it does not.
So your mother is now dealing with the loss of her husband, but also perhaps some dementia along with depression.
And I don't know how long your parents were married, but it's also not unusual when one spouse dies in a long term marriage that the other spouse dies shortly thereafter.
So I guess all you can do is try and get a doctor to put her some kind of antidepressant, and perhaps get her involved in some grief counseling.
Sounds like you have your hands full here and I hope you won't jeopardize your health while trying to care for your mother.
She may in the long run need to be placed in the appropriate facility.
My condolences on the loss of your dear dad.
Best of luck to you.
She may need that for her sister too. As far as her son call him and have him do a facetime with her - I know people are busy but come on 15 minutes on a facetime I do that with my grands and brother every week! She probably needs an anti-depressant probably not a large dose - but speak to her doctor. If you have trouble getting her to the doctor just tell her that "we need to renew your prescriptions so we need to go see the doctor" line and then talk tot he doctor BEFORE her appointment. The gp may need to advocate for her to see a psychiatrist.