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My father is 84 and making bad decisions all of a sudden. These decisions have resulted in him being exposed to theft and possibly being drugged. I need to determine if he is of right mind.
Get a POA quickly! If there are no funds to see a lawyer, you can go online to a site like LegalZoom. I used one of theirs and later, when I saw a lawyer for another matter, she took a look at it and said it was fine. The website leads you through the process. As for the dementia, bad decision-making sure is a big red flag, but you should go to a doctor visit with him. First, send the doctor a written account of what behaviors are troubling you. This is for two reasons: one, the doctor will have to make the letter part of your Dad's file (so much better than a verbal account) and two, you won't have to talk about your Dad in front of him.
Getting the Power of Attorney is easy. The difficult part is trying to get your dad to understand you have his best interests at heart, and want to make sure no one takes advantage of him. Doctors will only talk to you if your dad gives them verbal permission, or you have a Medical Release of Information or POA. Both can be found online. We went to legalzoom.com because they fill it out the way we wanted, but you can get them anywhere. Once you are able to legally speak to his Dr, have a written list of your dad's actions that are causing you concern. The dr. will do tests to determine how much memory loss has occurred. Wishing you good luck.
I am sorry for your situation and your dad's decline.
Dementia is not the only diagnosis to pursue. Other conditions that change brain function & decision making are: **Age. The brain atrophies and loses some function in the normal aging process. ** Falls. Any bump or injury to the head can damage brain tissue and impair judgment. ** Medicines. Side effects of some commonly used meds can mimic dementia. ** Other illnesses. Thyroid disease and diabetes are examples of illnesses that effect the brain. Depression, mental illness and anxiety disorders are additional examples.
My mother's diabetes and hypothyroidism are controlled. She also suffers from depression, anxiety, dementia, brain atrophy, and mental illness. Some side effects of her meds definitely look like dementia, and she has had countless falls, hitting her head.
We have had all the tests, some twice. Bottom line: In the elderly, the brain typically changes due to a mix of several causes. My mom's psychiatrist says it is not even possible to sort it all out and figure exactly what is causing a particular symptom, like decision-making impairment.
My suggestion is to form a good rapport with a general practitioner who can then make referrals to psychiatrists, neurologists, counselors, and psychologists who do testing. That general practitioner becomes a hub to receive info from all of the specialists, and he/she can sort it all out so that the best care can be determined for your dad.
Lots of good answers here. What are the circumstances that "expose him to theft" and "possibly being drugged"? I'm assuming you have tried unsuccessfully to talk to him. Is he concerned about his bad decisions? Has anything bad happened to him? Has anyone else (siblings, friends, etc.) noticed a change and expressed concern? Does he live alone? Has his living environment changed, worsened or become dangerous? Who is trying to take advantage of him? Have you seen signs that these things actually happened it is this concern based only on what he has been saying? Why do have to prove dementia and to whom?
Mother complained to her MD herself about how she can't remember anything, and getting confused, etc. So he had her tested by qualified psychologist, and then (at my request) ordered that her meds be administered by the ALF, as she is nearly blind and can't read the labels, plus forgets if she took it already or not. Sounds good, right? Wrong Even though the results showed early dementia or Alzheimers', the doctor put it to her so gently that "at 92 it was normal to have memory loss". Kind of him, but she absolutely refuses to admit to having any deficits now, intends to ask him to allow her to give her own meds again, made an apptmt with an attorney to change her will, and though the changes were small and unimportant, he did it, so she still thinks she should be in control of everything. So what good did any of this do? I have POA, but she still thinks she should make these kinds of decisions until "they declare me incompetent". None of this is easy.
I died and was revived a few years ago. A couple of years later, my child turned 18, we had a legal consult with Legal Aid lawyers. She has been my POA since then. Prior to that my sister has been my POA, for legal/financial, medical/mental health, the executor of my estate, and we filled out to make a Living Will & Advanced Directive. My money skills and judgement regarding trusting strangers has been a brief problem. Solved by these documents and my loving sister. I'm grateful that I am able to communicate and understand my circumstances, when she explains to me how I'm at risk by my own choices. I've had to relearn everyone is not safe or honest. My future is unpredictable, but I trust my family to care for me. Life is unpredictable for everyone, so get some legal advice, and get your documents in order should the worst happen you will be in trusted hands. I learned these lessons from my husband who developed dementia. After all is said and done, I believe in most places, the court system must declare a person incompetent, using the information from the doctors reports and findings. My family does not qualify for legal aid but I do, so my documents were drawn up and recorded for very little money. Many of the comments have the answer of where to start, this may be how to complete the process If your family member is resisting your control of their life choices based on their best interest of the ill person. Best wishes to all involved.
When my husband was suspected several years ago of being in early dementia, his internist suggested that he see a neurologist, who in turn recommended an evaluation by a neuropsychologist. That evaluation took into account his history, his benaviors, his deficits, and the functioning of both sides of his brain, and concluded that if he was suffering from any form of dementia, it was not Alzheimer's. And in retrospect, I know that assessment was accurate, because we have only recently settled on alcoholic dementia as his actual diagnosis. Accordingly, I encourage the use of a licensed neuropsychologist.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
As for the dementia, bad decision-making sure is a big red flag, but you should go to a doctor visit with him. First, send the doctor a written account of what behaviors are troubling you. This is for two reasons: one, the doctor will have to make the letter part of your Dad's file (so much better than a verbal account) and two, you won't have to talk about your Dad in front of him.
Dementia is not the only diagnosis to pursue. Other conditions that change brain function & decision making are:
**Age. The brain atrophies and loses some function in the normal aging process.
** Falls. Any bump or injury to the head can damage brain tissue and impair judgment.
** Medicines. Side effects of some commonly used meds can mimic dementia.
** Other illnesses. Thyroid disease and diabetes are examples of illnesses that effect the brain. Depression, mental illness and anxiety disorders are additional examples.
My mother's diabetes and hypothyroidism are controlled. She also suffers from depression, anxiety, dementia, brain atrophy, and mental illness. Some side effects of her meds definitely look like dementia, and she has had countless falls, hitting her head.
We have had all the tests, some twice. Bottom line: In the elderly, the brain typically changes due to a mix of several causes. My mom's psychiatrist says it is not even possible to sort it all out and figure exactly what is causing a particular symptom, like decision-making impairment.
My suggestion is to form a good rapport with a general practitioner who can then make referrals to psychiatrists, neurologists, counselors, and psychologists who do testing. That general practitioner becomes a hub to receive info from all of the specialists, and he/she can sort it all out so that the best care can be determined for your dad.
Best wishes to both of you.
Even though the results showed early dementia or Alzheimers', the doctor put it to her so gently that "at 92 it was normal to have memory loss". Kind of him, but she absolutely refuses to admit to having any deficits now, intends to ask him to allow her to give her own meds again, made an apptmt with an attorney to change her will, and though the changes were small and unimportant, he did it, so she still thinks she should be in control of everything. So what good did any of this do? I have POA, but she still thinks she should make these kinds of decisions until "they declare me incompetent". None of this is easy.
My future is unpredictable, but I trust my family to care for me. Life is unpredictable for everyone, so get some legal advice, and get your documents in order should the worst happen you will be in trusted hands.
I learned these lessons from my husband who developed dementia. After all is said and done, I believe in most places, the court system must declare a person incompetent, using the information from the doctors reports and findings. My family does not qualify for legal aid but I do, so my documents were drawn up and recorded for very little money. Many of the comments have the answer of where to start, this may be how to complete the process If your family member is resisting your control of their life choices based on their best interest of the ill person.
Best wishes to all involved.
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