How do you determine when your loved can no longer feed him/herself?
We haven't reached this point yet but it's getting harder to watch my mil eat. For the last three nights she's been in a strange sort of "dopey fog" during supper. She's always fine at lunch time, but the evening meals just drag on and on while she fumbles with her utensils, stares intermittently out the window, struggles to pick pieces of food up with her spoon or fork, pushes it around on her plate, then finally manages to just barely transfer it into her mouth. It's agonizing to watch her go through this, even though I know she isn't really aware of it herself.
How do you determine when it's time to step in? How do you explain to them that they need help with eating? It seems like the final indignity (as if needing me to help wipe her a** isn't already causing her indignity enough!) it's so sad!
8 Answers
Popular Questions
Related Questions
- Have you made provisions about where you go or what you do when you become elderly and need assistance?
- How can I help my Grandma not be so paranoid?
- Mom's on antibiotics for 2nd time in 3 weeks for returned UTI/kidney infection. Why?
- My mother is 87, and refuses medical attention when her health is declining, what can I do?
Does she take any medication before the meal that could make her this way?
Is she exhausted by that time of day? Would a nap help?
Can she eat several small meals during the day instead of 2-3 bigger ones, so if she can't eat at one sitting it's not such a big deal.
Could she eat earlier?
Does she have dementia? If so, this is probably her worst time of day.
Would finger foods work better for her?
Would she drink meal supplements to help with nutrition?
I bet she will consent if she is hungry. She may not and that's okay.
She may not want to ask but want the help. Older people can be proud about those things. We have to step in and help to pick up the slack and do it without making them feel bad...not adding insult to injury, that is.
I was told by the nurse that dementia patients see as if they are looking through binoculars...try this....put your fingers around your eyes, as if you were looking through binoculars...notice how you can only see what's in front of you, nothing to the sides, nothing way up or way down, you need to bend your head way down in order to see if there is something on the table, say for instance a dinner plate.
I found this interesting because if I were to set my mom down for a meal, she wouldn't even know to eat, in order for my mom to get started eating, her fork needs to be put in her hand and then guided in to her bowl, so she knows it's there.
Just a tid bit of information that may help you or someone else out at some point in time!
She does more or less "graze" throughout the day. We don't push "the three solid meals" routine any more because she can't eat too much at one sitting. We do try to make sure she's getting something hot and nutritional at supper every night, which is always around 5:00.
She was drinking Carnation instant breakfast every day for a while as a supplement but got sick of it - the only flavor she liked was the strawberry. I tried going the finger food route...she asked me to cut it up. (It was some chicken that I had grilled up in strips...even gave her some dipping sauce with it) When I explained to her that it was made that way so she could just pick it up with her fingers she said "Well I'm not used to eating food with my fingers"...as if I'd offended her sensibilities somehow:-(
My concern right now is this "fog" she lapses into at suppertime seems to be turning into a regular thing. She's had the off day every now and then before, but this recent turn "feels" different. She appears to be her usual self earlier in the day, and manages her other meals and snacks just fine. The last few nights she's even seemed ok when we first get there, but as soon as I set her dinner in front of her she zones out. Last night I gave her a plate of watermelon cut up on a paper plate for dessert, and a fork and spoon to eat it with. It took almost twenty minutes for her to eat about the same number of melon chunks, then she sat hunched over the plate with the spoon in one hand and the fork in the other, staring at the puddle of juice and appearing to be trying to pick "something" up by pushing it with the fork onto the spoon. She was concentrating very hard on it! But at the same time she almost seemed to be drifting off somewhere else.
No meds just before the meal...last onemshe takes before supper is a Sinemet at 3.00. Her meds haven't changed in a long time so I doubt they factor into this.
She's still managing to feed herself, even through it takes a LONG time some nights and appears to be a struggle for her at times. I just wonder if there's a point when you have to say the struggle has become too much.
If her dementia is progressing, she probably is tired all of the time, Imagine how hard she has to work to do normal tasks because her mind doesn't work as well as it did.
You might also start thinking about the future. What if she continues to not eat? You might consider a dementia care unit. Sometimes people improve when they have help with daily tasks and activities to stimulate their mind. You also might want to think about decisions you might be faced with. What do you do if she starts losing weight because she isn't eating? Is a feeding tube the right thing to do? (That decision is different for every person/family) What does she want? How much medical intervention (for anything that come up) does she want?
Living alone may be too much for her to handle at this point in her disease. I wish you well as you think about her future. She is very lucky to have you in her life. The Alzheimer's Association of the Family Caregiver Specialist at your local Area Agency on Aging should be able to help you talk sort out priorities and help you find a way to make decisions.