I paid my mother's life insurance premiums out of my pocket for over ten year ($4,000) since she could no longer pay her bills due to her Alzheimer's/dementia condition. In addition, I also was her sole primary care giver and during the past 6 years, took care of her 24/7. She recently passed away at which time, me and my siblings discovered that my mother had designated me as her primary beneficiary on the policy. The policy wasn't much ($11,000) however, I assigned $9,200 of it towards her funeral cost. My two siblings charged the remaining funeral cost of $10,000 on a credit card and expect me to reimburse them for one third of the $10,000 ($3,333). In the rush to make the funeral arrangements three days after our mother's death, I agreed to this but on the fourth day, after discussing this with my aunt (my mother's sister) and several cousins, I decided that it wasn't fair that I should also have to contribute $3,333 when I'd already spent $4,000 of my own money to pay for the insurance policy (a fact that my sisters were well aware of through the years, yet they never offered to assist in paying any of the premiums) and then, contributed $9,200 (out of $11,000) towards the funeral expenses as well. Subsequently, I informed my sisters that after careful consideration (reiterating to them again, the valid reasons noted above), I wasn't going to reimburse them $3,333. Note: one of my sisters was very angry when she first learned that our mother had designated me as the primary beneficiary; she even insisted that in addition to reimbursing them the $3,333, I should also divide the remaining $1,800 from the payout, between the three of us; she even made a comment about taking me to court. In feel both of my sisters are not treating me fairly and, that I've contributed more than my fair share towards the funeral expenses, Am I wrong to feel this way? And if not, how can I get them to understand the validity of my decision?
Your sisters were idiots not to cover this pretty elementary point, not even to ascertain from you what the insurance policy would pay out. Profligate idiots at that - wasn't that a HECK of a bill? - though I hope at the very least you were all satisfied that your mother's funeral did her proper justice. They're quite lucky you didn't just pocket the insurance money and run away laughing.
But, having said that, I was adding up in my head and thinking "minus four equals, divided by three leaves errr…" and then saw GA had done it all. I agree - do your best to split the actual cost equally, without taking monetary credit for your foresight because that would be rubbing it in.
As for the funeral cost, when my mom passed away last year, I was all for a simple funeral. But noooo my older siblings wanted a large half page obituary for mom, in Color for about $1800.00! I and my younger siblings wanted the quarter page black/white for only $800.00. They wanted lots of flowers in the church, in the casket, etc... I was more into keeping it simple. Fortunately, my parents already paid off their casket, and since dad is vet, mom got to be buried at the veteran's cemetery - which helped keep the cost low. But I know just what you mean about the cost. I wanted simple and inexpensive - the older siblings wanted big , expensive stuff. It's all for show - to those who come to mom's funeral. By the way, my condolences on your mother. And also that your sisters are doing this to you. Don't give in to them. You did the best you can for your mom and you know it. Don't let them browbeat you. {{Hugs}}
It is too bad these decisions have to be made in the midst of grief.
I agree that you don't owe your sisters for the funeral.
You did the 24/7 caregiving and were also On-Call for 365. PLEASE do not give any more than you have already given. It may take awhile for them to speak to you, but you have already gone above & beyond what they have done. In my book, they ought to be paying you for all your tens of thousands of hours of Real Work.
Your mother designated you as her life insurance beneficiary; you had no obligation to share any of that with your sisters. However, if I calculate right, you've already paid $9,200 while your 2 sisters would only pay $5,000 each without any further assistance from you. I think that's more than fair and if anything they should be reimbursing you.
$4,000 in premiums plus $19,200 divided by 3 = $7,733. So you've already paid $9200 plus $4,000, which puts you more out of pocket than them.
You could prepare an analysis of these calculations and send it to them, asking for reimbursement of your share of the $7,333.
As to suing you, I don't know of any good attorney who would sue for such a small amount. Your sisters would have to file suit themselves, and suing is not for amateurs or anyone not familiar with the legal system.
"Anyone can sue" is a good adage, but that doesn't mean that the suit won't be dismissed for lack of a viable cause of action.
You could also send them a bill for their share of the 24/7 caregiving you provided your mother over a period of several years.