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My mom suffers from Alzheimer's disease. Today while visiting I noticed something totally new. There is a picture of my father hanging above her bed (He passed away 37 years ago.) To make a long story short, she remembered my Dad's name, remembered he was in the service, but didn't seem to associate him with being my father or her husband.

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Don't wonder "why" anything happens with dementia, as science doesn't know exactly what is going on in the brain, however, most dementia patients do not recognize photos or pictures of themselves or others. Just love her for the time she has remaining.
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Thank you, cothrangirl3 for posting on this subject. Dementia is heart-breaking, confounding, sometimes fascinating, and in my case, occassionally hilarious. My Mom is 94+ with now moderate dementia. She still recognizes all immediate family and her good friends who visit frequently. She even recognizes my voice on the phone. Luckily, she is still, sweet, happy, social and has a great sense of humor....all good.

BUT....over the last year she has developed "delusions" about who certain people are and what their relationship to her is in reality. For instance, she has been convinced for almost a year now that one of the male LPN's is actually her HS boyfriend and he lives down the hall from her. Luckily, Rich is wonderful...he truly likes Mom and goes right along with her. Recently, when I visited, he told me that apparently he and Mom had a wonderful date: they went ice skating...lol...she's in a wheelchair and they're in SW FL....but Mom grew up in Chicago....no doubt, many, many years ago she really did go ice skating with her HS bf.

For a long time (about 9 months) Mom talked constantly about her 2 sons named J*** (she has 1 son, his name is J***). She actually confronted my brother over the dinner table at a large (family and friends) Thanksgiving dinner saying she didn't really think he was "the nice J***... from Houston....the one who pays my bills". Unable to convince Mom of who he was, my brother finally showed her his DL. Mom reluctantly accepted that he was "the nice J*** from Houston". Then she refused to give his DL back, asking, "Why can't I keep it? Don't you have another one?"....lol...Luckily, my brother is a nice, patient guy with a good sense of humor!

Brother got his payback a few months later. Unfortunately, Mom had another fall and serious bone break requiring surgery. A couple of days after surgery, he called me from Mom's hospital room. I could hear her yacking away and bossing him around, demanding things so I knew her recovery was going well! My brother said, "Excuse me, Mom....I'm on the phone with M***. If you really can't wait for whatever you need right now, maybe you can ask the "other J" to get it for you!"......OMG.....we all roared with laughter...including, maybe especially, Mom!

This weekend, my brother told me that whenever Mom sees a female with long blonde hair on the TV, she thinks it is me. She points and says, "Oh....there's M***!" Actually, calling her a few weeks ago, when I asked what she was doing, she did tell me that she was watching me on TV. I thought I had misheard her!

Jeez....what a long, strange ride it is.....
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Alzheimer's/Dementia is one of the most dreaded diseases that inflict so much pain on patients and their families. The brain is very complicated and sometimes it seems like the brain cells are no longer there since they can't remember who you are and just as suddenly, one day, they will call you by name and know who you are! Never take any of this personally though, because it's just the disease. Just go along with whatever he/she says and keep it happy and kind. None of them can help it, even those who seem to be agitated and mean suddenly. That's just fear about who you are what you are doing there with them. It's always best to let them know immediately who you are even if you are doing it on a daily basis, like geewhiz esplains, "Hi, Mom/Dad, it's me again, (name) so they won't have to wonder. Spend as much time as possible with them because it will end soon. Always identify another who approaches as well, such as, "look, (name), so and so has come to visit today". Not knowing creates stress and they think they will be laughed at for not knowing who it is so just identify everyone. My mother didn't always remember me either and thought she was in Hawaii of all places! If only! If they are in fairly good health otherwise, they and you may have to deal with this for a long time but if they also have other ailments, it usually last for about 2-5 years, just to give you an idea. A lot of that time can be spent at home but eventually, they will have to go into an AL first, then full nursing home, then hospice. Parents don't hesitate to do what is necessary for their children (most of them anyway) when they are raising them and when it becomes necessary for life to reverse itself and children are taking care of parents, do it with grace and kindness so they are at peace and feel safe.
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So sad having to loose someone you love twice. Long before the grieving after a death, there is the grieving of a life that can no longer be remembered. All you can do is go on loving them and hope they can still feel the warmth of the lost relationship
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Thanks for sharing that JenniferK. I think about my cousin all the time. It's like I have a toddler who is in childcare. You never know what to expect when the phone rings. Yesterday, while visiting, one of the staff asked me about how we were related and about my cousin's background. (I'm actually her second cousin.) I explained and told the staff member about life her education, employment, family, hobbies, etc. My cousin stared at me in awe. She seemed proud and surprised to know this about herself. I'm not sure how much she was able to process.
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Yes Sunnygirl1, sometimes they do remember someone until the very end. I have a friend who said her Mother remembered her one brother until the day she passed. It does not really matter if they remember you as long as you don't forget them and love them. Even if they don't know who you are, you know who they are.
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There are very painful, but informative comments above. I know that most people with conditions that cause dementia, do eventually forget the people in their life, but I was wondering if any of them retain memory of who someone is until the end.

Do they ever get very advanced, yet still know at least one person? I'm just wondering about my cousin. I'm really the only one she has. Most of the family died or forgot about her years ago. She relied on me for years for financial support, before she got dementia, but even more so afterwards. Mine is the only name she knows. I have feared that she would forget and even await it, but even though she has progressed to a severe stage. (Wheelchair bound, double incontinent, limited use of hands, arms, feet, no short term memory, no memory of her past or where is is, limited language, etc. ) But, she still knows me, knows my name and will ask about me. It's really odd, IMO. How is this possible?
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This seems to be typical. My Mother sometimes things I am her Mother then sometimes seems to just realize that I fit into this picture somewhere and that we love each other. When I leave and tell her I love her she says "I love you too Honey". Not sure what is going on in her mind but she is still a sweet, gentel, lovely lady. They have music therapy where my Mom is. Most of these people don't know their own names and their families but play a song from their era and they are singing the words to the song. I agree with murphyclm that I too am blown away with how the mind works.
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My mother thinks there is a nice caregiver (me) and a mean one (also me). I guess that's pretty telling as far as my good days and bad days with her, ha-ha. The mean one is the one who is very insistent she take her pills, take a shower, brush her teeth, change clothes, all those things mom doesn't want to do. The nice one asks her if she's okay, does she want more coffee and another cookie, does she need a sweater. She will whisper to me about the mean one and ask me if she's out of the room. It's hilarious some days. There are times she will ask where her daughter is and when I tell her I'm her daughter, she will fly off the handle and tell me I'm certainly not her daughter and to get out of her house (it's my house). I don't take offense at any of it any more since it just aggravates the situation, better I go play on the computer for awhile. I'm just blown away about how the mind works.
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The last year before she passed, my mom would frequently forget who i was or what my relationship to her was. She never forgot that I was someone she deeply loved and cared about, but would frequently ask if I was her brother or her father. When I told her I was her son, she would light up and say "How wonderful!" I'm glad to know that this is rather common.
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I agree with the other posters. My mom had no idea who I was. I was her daughter and I had taken care of her for 7 years before she died. At first she hated me as her daughter and then I was the 'nice' lady who came to visit her...and then I was nothing, because she recognized no one. It is hard but it is normal for advanced Alz.,
I give you my blessings, Lindaz.
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Yes very common. I have to be very careful around my wife when our twins daughters are there. My wife would get very agitated if they hug me or talk with me much and I did not understand why. But then one day as they left she blurted out " I can't believe that you just bring your women right into our house" !! That's when I realized that she thought our daughters were my girlfriends. Recently she started calling me daddy, so i just play along.
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My Mother is in a memory care unit now. As ADCcare givers said, first in last out. There are some ladies there, I mean most who do not remember their age but if you ask them the year they were born they know it!! They can also tell you the Month and day of their birth. This something they learned when they were young so they remember it. Yes it seems to be part of the disease. Sorry.
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Yes, for a year before my husband died, he thought I was either his brother (he could not seem to distinguish between male and female)) or the lady who took care of him. Don't take it personally. It's part of the disease.
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My heart goes out to you and to all of us who have had to discover the Alzheimer's person's "way of life". I lost my Mom 4 years ago and it feels like yesterday, but the one thing I remember most about those last few years, is the day she called out my name after having a "conversation" with my husband. She would act as if she knew me when I greeted her every day, but she did not. God gave me the strength to live through this and to remember all the good things my mother taught me and gave me. I hope he does the same for all of us.
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Research "misidentification syndrome", "Capgras syndrome", and "imposter syndrome". My wife thinks I am a worker most of the time. She asks me, "when is my husband coming here"? Initially, I was stressed out due to this behavior, but have come to accept that her delusion is reality in her world. Some hours of the day are good and she knows who I am. She sometimes calls our daughter, "her sister"' and our grandsons, "her children" and her son, my "brother. Sometimes, instead of being thought of as a non-relative worker, I am thought of as her husband's "brother". Sometimes she calls me by name, and is obviously happy when I answer, as she realizes her husband has returned and is now present.
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"First in, last out" is the way I characterize the progression of memory loss. I always find it surprising to observe what people with memory loss remember and what they don't. I also believe it is a very painful aspect of memory loss because adult children lose part of their history as their parent loses their memory.
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Yes, my husband asked me how long we had "been together." He was startled to learn that we were married.
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Alz patients progress in plateaus. My mom thought I was also a helper for her and my dad! I finally realized that when I would take dad somewhere without her, she was upset with me! So, I called him away and we went shopping or for chores, and he came in alone. this did not upset her! Best wishes. My mom died 3 years ago and dad almost a year ago. Miss them!
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As Kevin states so well --- yes this is a step. During my Mom's 2 1/2 year journey with dementia, there were times she asked who that man that was all dressed up in the photo was! It was her wedding photo, her and my Dad! There were times that she thought I was her sister and would ask about her brothers. (I would tell her they had a soccer game they were playing! ) Both my Dad and her siblings were LONG gone! Another time, she asked where my Dad was as he hadn't come home 'last night'. I reminded her he was on a big committee for his fraternal organization and they had a very late meeting. I guess I was very fortunate, my Mom was calm and docile through most of the 2 1/2 years - she accepted my stories. Still, each time I visited, I would greet her with , Hi Mom, it's me my name!
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Yes this is common. My Mom knows my name but is so surprised when I tell her I'm her son. She lives at home with me and thinks that I'm just a worker there. I have to keep reminder her of who I am. This happens almost every day. At first I was hurt that she didn't know I was her son but then I 'jumped' into her world and it really doesn't bother me anymore.
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