My daughter is getting married in 4 months. My MIL lives 7 hours away and is dealing with increasing dementia. She cries on the phone about "why won't ( my son) come and get me and bring me to the wedding?" He has 2 brothers, the oldest cut everyone out of his life 4 years ago and the youngest is living in the Land of Denial. My husband will not tell her that it's just not possible. If it were only an issue of transporting her we could work it out, but she's going to need someone with her 24/7. I'm tempted to keep changing the "date" of the wedding because I know it's just a matter of time before she forgets the grandchildren entirely. I realize that seems incredibly cruel, but I don't know what to do if my husband can't bring himself to tell her it's just not possible to get her here. And I refuse to host this wedding by myself. We should be enjoying this time and I'm just a bitchy wreck right now. Anyone else dealt with this situation or something like it?
Can that person or people accompany her to your town for the wedding and stay with her in a hotel? Personally, my daughter would move heaven and earth to have her grandmother at her wedding. Four months is still a ways off and, of course, her health (mental and physical) could decline, but if she's crying wanting to come, then she's still cognizant enough to know she's being excluded and that has to hurt.
Quite frankly, dementia moves at different speeds. We are on year 7 of having MIL out of her own home and into ours and she still knows everyone. She may not be able to pull everyone's name out of the fog, especially if she doesn't see them regularly, but she knows them. However she can't remember whether or not she ate a meal a few minutes ago. Seriously, she will get up from the table and a few minutes later ask if we are going to eat. My cooking is obviously very memorable.
And this is just my personal observation, take it or leave it. If you are a wreck four months before the wedding, you will have alienated everyone by the big day. NO wedding is worth that. Delegate the details to a wedding planner, don't have a more expensive wedding than you can comfortably afford and ENJOY your time with your daughter before she moves on to a new chapter of her life.
Also you can look into using technology so you Father can see the wedding. A good friend of my son was overseas for the wedding and could not come. Another friend used her cell phone and the friend in Europe got to see the ring bearer run down the aisle in his Kilt and hear and see the vows. Kids (other grandchildren) could organize this fairly easily and someone local to your father could help him with the TV/Appletalk connection on his end. No special connections are really needed other than a WIFI connection.
Check it out.
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