My daughter is getting married in 4 months. My MIL lives 7 hours away and is dealing with increasing dementia. She cries on the phone about "why won't ( my son) come and get me and bring me to the wedding?" He has 2 brothers, the oldest cut everyone out of his life 4 years ago and the youngest is living in the Land of Denial. My husband will not tell her that it's just not possible. If it were only an issue of transporting her we could work it out, but she's going to need someone with her 24/7. I'm tempted to keep changing the "date" of the wedding because I know it's just a matter of time before she forgets the grandchildren entirely. I realize that seems incredibly cruel, but I don't know what to do if my husband can't bring himself to tell her it's just not possible to get her here. And I refuse to host this wedding by myself. We should be enjoying this time and I'm just a bitchy wreck right now. Anyone else dealt with this situation or something like it?
You are organising the wedding? - so you issue invitations, deal with seating arrangements, provide information about accommodation, transport links, etc. etc.
Your husband, with POA for his mother, is responsible for administering her finances and overseeing her living arrangements to ensure her safety, wellbeing and general quality of life.
The person or persons therefore appointed by your husband to support your MIL in her day to day life, if they are doing their job properly, are responsible for making suitable transport and accommodation arrangements and accompanying her as necessary. In the ideal scenario, they ought to be capable of facilitating her attendance at a major family event if asked to: whether or not they actually are might be a different matter, and in any case it's for your daughter and the family to decide whether or not her grandmother's being there is a priority or not.
But the main point is that the logistical and planning headaches, as per the schedule of responsibilities above, are not your problem. Send MIL her invitation, if that is what your daughter wants. Assist with information if asked. That's your lot.
The broader issue of your husband's finding his POA responsibilities onerous because of the distance needs sorting. But perhaps not right now? And anyway not by you - by him, with your sympathetic support.
I watched my granddaughter get married on my computer. It was a very small "destination" wedding, and that is how she wanted it. It was nice to see it. She lives close so I see her often.
Then obviously, there is no relationship between them. Do airplanes come into the city you live in?
It was only a six hour drive from our home to the city my daughter lived in (and got married in). Some drove, but her grandparents and great-grandparents flew. Son in Law's grandparents flew cross country. All of us "out of towners" stayed in the same hotel overnight then left the next day. It was so much fun. It'll be 27 years in June, and they're still together.
Glasshalffull, I like the idea of the computer hook-up, though.
Kilts & bagpipes, bet you had a great time. You did have bagpipes, right?
Also you can look into using technology so you Father can see the wedding. A good friend of my son was overseas for the wedding and could not come. Another friend used her cell phone and the friend in Europe got to see the ring bearer run down the aisle in his Kilt and hear and see the vows. Kids (other grandchildren) could organize this fairly easily and someone local to your father could help him with the TV/Appletalk connection on his end. No special connections are really needed other than a WIFI connection.
Check it out.
My has some short term memory issues and anxiety issues. It was very important to have the correct medications ...Mom doesn't have real memories of the service etc. But she knows she was there.
One problem we had was the Inn where the wedding and reception took place had handicapped rooms but the beds were WAY TO TALL (really not low beds!) and the floor in the bathrooms was a tile that was not great with walkers.
We should have gotten a roll away bed because it would have been lower. (one more thing to put on my travel list).
Now we are waiting for the birth of her first great grandson (second great grandchild)...my first grandchild, end of April or beginning of May. Something else Mom can live for.
Can that person or people accompany her to your town for the wedding and stay with her in a hotel? Personally, my daughter would move heaven and earth to have her grandmother at her wedding. Four months is still a ways off and, of course, her health (mental and physical) could decline, but if she's crying wanting to come, then she's still cognizant enough to know she's being excluded and that has to hurt.
Quite frankly, dementia moves at different speeds. We are on year 7 of having MIL out of her own home and into ours and she still knows everyone. She may not be able to pull everyone's name out of the fog, especially if she doesn't see them regularly, but she knows them. However she can't remember whether or not she ate a meal a few minutes ago. Seriously, she will get up from the table and a few minutes later ask if we are going to eat. My cooking is obviously very memorable.
And this is just my personal observation, take it or leave it. If you are a wreck four months before the wedding, you will have alienated everyone by the big day. NO wedding is worth that. Delegate the details to a wedding planner, don't have a more expensive wedding than you can comfortably afford and ENJOY your time with your daughter before she moves on to a new chapter of her life.