My mother recently spent a month in a nursing facility for PT following a lengthy hospital stay. She was very apprehensive about going. She insisted I be there twice a day, which I was for minimally 2 hrs in the am and 2 hrs in the pm every day. Because I was there so much, I'm pretty confident that the staff was good to her. I knew all their names (as did she) and after she settled in, she seemed happy enough, liked the food and the people. The day she left, I had to wheel her all around to say goodbye to all her favorite people. Since then, she has decided that it was a horrendous experience. Every time she talks about it, the story gets worse. Tonight she told me that the dr. there was overmedicating her and her own doctor was shocked when he discovered what "that doctor" had been doing. She even repeated an entire discussion she supposedly had with her own doctor and how angry he was at her follow up appt after discharge. Thing is, I took her to her family doctor after discharge and it never happened. I specifically discussed the changes in her medications (her HBP meds were increased and a second drug was added). Her doctor said to leave the meds as the nursing facility dr. had prescribed and we'd keep an eye on it. A month later, she was feeling dizzy and we called and cut the HBP meds back to her old dose and kept the other medication. So when she added this new enhancement to her tale of woe, I said, Mom, I think your BP was up while you were IP maybe because you were kind of anxious but Dr. Doe knew that and he was ok with it when we went to see him after discharge. We did ultimately cut it back but we kept the other med Dr Smith started you on. She got very angry so I just backed off but I'm not sure how I'm supposed to handle it. I don't want to make her mad by disagreeing with her, she's almost always mad at me but I also really don't want her to have bad memories of this place in case she needs to go back and the memory just seems to be getting worse and worse as she processes it. How would you handle this?
Why is this a continuing topic of conversation? If she starts up on how bad it was at the rehab place, can you just redirect the topic? "So, Mother, I'll bet you are really glad to be back home. Should we see if there are any ripe tomatoes out in the garden?" In other words, instead of agreeing or disagreeing, I think I'd try to change the subject!
Perhaps Mom is 'confused', or perhaps she didn't/doesn't want you to feel you CAN leave her anywhere outside of your care. Also, a lot of our elderly are experts at manipulation - especially if they are afraid of being abandoned - and who wouldn't be? Honestly, there were times my mom didn't want to take her prescribed meds and I didn't force her - I would simply tell her that the doc wanted her to take A and B to keep her healthy and he was the expert - usually the next day she would come around. If not, and if she is till competent, it is her decision to go agaist medical advice. Good luck to you.
When she started hallucinating, I tracked down the doc who made an off-the-cuff diagnosis of "Alzheimers" which she does not have. I asked him if it might be the pain meds and suggested that he take her off and give her a non-narcotic. You have to be vigilant.
The doc also wanted to "rearrange" her other, daily meds. I asked that they leave them alone until she could see her regular doc.
The BP issue could have caused all of your Mom's issues when she was in the nursing facility. But, always listen...somewhere between your Mom and the docs is the truth.
I know when you come onto this site, and see that you aren't the only one going thru all this, it DOES give some comfort.
Reach out when you need to.
Avoid arguements, change the subject, and smile a lot thru gritted teeth ! lol !
And remember, you are NOT alone.
We're all gonna have good days and bad days........
Try to keep a sense of humor.... (I call OUR house the ''7th Ring of the Inner Circle of Helllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll............ lol !!!!)
btw.... my mother is turning 92 this month, demensia, heart issues, arthritis, uses walker (after many falls with cane and convincing her if she falls and breaks her hip, she'll be hospitalized for quite awhile...), history of stroke, and now fast onset of Parkinson's......
TAKE GOOD CARE.....
XO
Do the invenstigating for yourself. See if there is any merit to her claims. If she says the doctor over medicated her ask to speak to the doctors ... A family member has that right. And if what she is doing is overfabricating the situation try to alleviate her fears. Talk nice to her and never say she is making it up. Tell her you talked to the doctor and that she was misinformed, then tell her what really happened.
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