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I had durable power of attorney over my mother Mrs. Hart since May 18th 2011. My mom passed in January 2014. No one in California respect the forms. I cant even get personal items or knowledge of where my mom's ashes are
Sorry, but when she dies, her husband has more power than a POA. If you had been in her Will, you would have been notified. She named an Executor, which again was obviously not you. So as soon as she died, you and your POA ceased to have any function. Your services are no longer needed and there is nothing to sue anyone for.
Crickett, first let me say I am sorry for giving the impression that you shouldn't care about where your Mom's remains are. I was trying to point out that you might not like the answer (in your SD's bedroom, or he let the crematorium dispose of them, etc) and that you wouldn't be able to change that. Also that if were important to you, contact a lawyer.
But I really continue to be confused about your concerns. In addition to what you want right now (mementos and information) you seem very upset about what your Mom's husband did while you were POA. Are you looking for advice about what to do about that, or venting, or what?
StepDad wouldn't cooperate with applying for Medicaid. It would definitely impact his financial situation and it seems to me he had a right to act in his own interests, especially if it didn't adversely impact your Mom. For example, if he knew they had more assets than would qualify and that they weren't willing/able to "spend down" -- what would be the point in applying? It is possible he was being cruel in doing this, and it is possible he was making what he considered a reasonable decision for them both. Your POA did not have authority over him.
POAs can have different provisions. Generally as long as the principal is competent he or she retains the right to make decisions. The POA can act on the principal's instructions, but can only take over decision-making when the principal can no longer make the decisions because of incapacitation. A diagnosis of dementia by itself does not preclude someone from making decisions. For example, my husband made me his POA, with 2 of our children as backup, within the first year of having dementia. The lawyer simply questioned him about what it meant and since he was clear about what he was doing (even if he was an airplane the previous night) she went ahead with it. A few years later I removed him from our joint account and set him up with a small one of his own. Unless California is very different from here, nobody but your mother or POA could close out her account. So she must have gone with SD to the bank and said convincingly to the banker that she wanted to do this. Had you registered your POA with her bank? Most banks have their own forms to fill out as well. Did you do that? But even if the bank knew Mom had a POA, and even if they knew she had dementia, that wouldn't necessarily prevent them from accepting her decision. Perhaps your SD did this for purely evil reasons. I sure don't know. If he was abusive I can understand why you think that may be the case. But you say the money was only enough for final expenses, and SD did take care of final expenses. So what was lost? And what would you want to do about it now?
I can understand your anger. (At least I think I can, but I haven't had a wicked stepfather.) But I agree with freqflyer that FOR YOUR OWN SAKE -- not his -- it may be time to remember your mother fondly and let go of this intense anger. If you are having trouble getting past it, perhaps a counselor can help. You loved your mother. Your mother trusted you. You deserve to feel good about those things, and move toward peace.
Fail to see how all the stats really apply to your situation. The trusted person, you, weren't around when the supposed financial abuse, in 2012, took place. Later on, 2013, mom had all the diagnoses that may have made her incompetent THEN. You put the cart before the horse (later diagnoses after the changed bank account). Snap out of it. You have no case to sue. There are plenty of other suggestions here on how to achieve what you say you want. Open your mind to those. Or better yet, do go sue somebody and let us know how that's workin' for ya.
Okay crickett, let's try again. You are being too literal. We all get it that you had a POA document. I meant that it was a good idea that you had done that. Phew. Now as to the POA code of honor, aka the responsibilities of a POA, I'm pretty sure everybody gets that too. You are preaching to the choir. You are also still chasing your tail in anger. Just because you had POA and didn't try to use it early enough to assure plans for mom doesn't mean that the system and laws don't work. And because you had a POA doesn't mean that mom still couldn't do what she did. Recap here: POA in 2011; bank account change by mom in 2012; diagnoses that may mean she was incompetent in 2013 a few months before her death in 2014. I'm not trying to make you the bad guy or enable anyone else who might be trying to financially harm someone. Walk away from the anger and fighting over the hurt you feel. You're still grieving mom, I assume. Resolving something over the POA is not what you say you want...it's the momentos and info about her remains. Can you follow up on some of the useful suggestions others have given you? It's hard to see how the POA rants are helping you along towards that goal. BTW, aren't you glad we're doing this on line instead of in person? Otherwise I might have to throw a cold bucket of water on you to bring you out of your feverish anger. Work on what you want to achieve for the future. The past is, well, past.
Crickett, maybe it is time to start remembering the good times that you and your Mother had.... all this negative stuff isn't getting you anywhere.... and I don't think your Mom would have wanted this to be your current remembrance of her.
No disrespect. This comment is pertaining to my own marriage.
If my husband had an account with his own name on it you can be damn sure it would be counted as an asset if I was to divorce him or applied for medicare....
Crickett, I've read all these posts, and reread some of them and I still can't determine the basis for which you are asking whether or not you have a case.
Is it to determine where your mother's ashes are located? Is it to redress grievances from the joint accounts? Or is it to correct perceived abuses in power of attorney grants?
You wrote in one post:
"I never said it was an idea it is a legal document. POA forms and uselessness are not my issues, but the problems with the systems set up in every state."
Yet there are repeated comments about POAs being useless. And how could anyone possibly have spent enough time and legal research to be knowledgeable about the problems with system in every state? That's a heck of a lot of research.
Crickett, I think your best bet is to contact an attorney as it appears as though you haven't yet found the answers you're seeking here, despite a lot of compassion and attempts by people to answer your queries.
An attorney will tell you quickly whether or not you have a cause of action.
Crickett, your responses to VegasLady are unwarranted and ungreateful. There are multiple posts attempting to help you, yet you respond continually with answers that include extraneous information, and now you're insulting VegasLady, who's been very patient in trying to help you.
Frankly, I think the belittling being done is by you, and I'm not even sure you're a legitimate poster. Trolls take various forms. You might even be one. Usually there's a give and take in threads but I see no give on your part.
And I really do think you owe an apology to VegasLady.
And by the way, some of the information you've added in your posts clearly wasn't written by you but was apparently copied from some source describing various legal issues/documents.
It's illegal to copy any of that material from a copyrighted site without permission of the website owner.
Crickett, you started this thread asking if you had a case. In fact, that's the title of the thread. You proceeded to give us a litany of what you view as abuses or acts of neglect against your now-deceased mother, and claim you just want sentimental items from your stepfather and to know where your mother's ashes are. Then you launch into an all-out tirade against anyone who dares to question you about it, saying we are unwelcoming, belittling you, and so forth.
Bottom line: If you think you have a case, go to an attorney with whatever proof you have and see if you have one. If you don't like the answers we're giving you because they don't fit into your idea of what's right/wrong, then don't ask. You asked for help and opinions, and we gave them. Plain and simple. For you to attack everyone here because we did what you asked is what's "unwelcome".
I'm fine and not offended. It's just displaced anger. Easier to express here than with anyone close to the situation. Crickett has now provided additional information. In 2011 mom was diagnosed with dementia, then goes to the attorney for the POA. I think this is the first time this has been mentioned in this thread. The diagnosis then did not necessarily mean she was incompetent, and the attorney thought she understood what she was doing and drew up the POA. So far, so good. Everyone was apparently on the same page. Then a year later mom changes the bank account situation. Why, who knows? Did stepdad have her do it, force her, whatever. Then as things unfortunately get worse for mom and crickett goes to take care of what she had planned to do, she finds out that the facts are now different. Mom is very ill, dying, and daughter is stymied in fulfilling her mother's wishes as expressed years earlier. Yes, frustrating and enough to be mad about. So who to be mad at? Mom who didn't tell you of the change? Stepdad because he didn't tell you? The bank, because they didn't tell you (no reason to if you didn't have the POA on file with them)? The state because there are these POAs you find worthless? Or yourself, because you weren't on top of things enough to know? Us? Forgive everybody. It happened. What we might learn, I think, is to remember that life is fluid, things change. What we thing we have set up doesn't always work out. How many divorced people have inadvertently left a former spouse as beneficiary of a will or life insurance policy? They set it up right at first, but didn't keep up with the changes they probably would have made if they remembered and got around to it. We should all review our legal documents at least annually, and possibly more often as circumstances change. And for those who are agents who hold a POA for someone, do we know enough about our duties, the condition of the person we are to act for, and enough about their daily lives to know when to do something? This may be the lesson we can learn from crickett who has shared her troubles.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
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APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
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This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
But I really continue to be confused about your concerns. In addition to what you want right now (mementos and information) you seem very upset about what your Mom's husband did while you were POA. Are you looking for advice about what to do about that, or venting, or what?
StepDad wouldn't cooperate with applying for Medicaid. It would definitely impact his financial situation and it seems to me he had a right to act in his own interests, especially if it didn't adversely impact your Mom. For example, if he knew they had more assets than would qualify and that they weren't willing/able to "spend down" -- what would be the point in applying? It is possible he was being cruel in doing this, and it is possible he was making what he considered a reasonable decision for them both. Your POA did not have authority over him.
POAs can have different provisions. Generally as long as the principal is competent he or she retains the right to make decisions. The POA can act on the principal's instructions, but can only take over decision-making when the principal can no longer make the decisions because of incapacitation. A diagnosis of dementia by itself does not preclude someone from making decisions. For example, my husband made me his POA, with 2 of our children as backup, within the first year of having dementia. The lawyer simply questioned him about what it meant and since he was clear about what he was doing (even if he was an airplane the previous night) she went ahead with it. A few years later I removed him from our joint account and set him up with a small one of his own. Unless California is very different from here, nobody but your mother or POA could close out her account. So she must have gone with SD to the bank and said convincingly to the banker that she wanted to do this. Had you registered your POA with her bank? Most banks have their own forms to fill out as well. Did you do that? But even if the bank knew Mom had a POA, and even if they knew she had dementia, that wouldn't necessarily prevent them from accepting her decision. Perhaps your SD did this for purely evil reasons. I sure don't know. If he was abusive I can understand why you think that may be the case. But you say the money was only enough for final expenses, and SD did take care of final expenses. So what was lost? And what would you want to do about it now?
I can understand your anger. (At least I think I can, but I haven't had a wicked stepfather.) But I agree with freqflyer that FOR YOUR OWN SAKE -- not his -- it may be time to remember your mother fondly and let go of this intense anger. If you are having trouble getting past it, perhaps a counselor can help. You loved your mother. Your mother trusted you. You deserve to feel good about those things, and move toward peace.
Let it go.
If my husband had an account with his own name on it you can be damn sure it would be counted as an asset if I was to divorce him or applied for medicare....
Just saying.....
Is it to determine where your mother's ashes are located? Is it to redress grievances from the joint accounts? Or is it to correct perceived abuses in power of attorney grants?
You wrote in one post:
"I never said it was an idea it is a legal document. POA forms and uselessness are not my issues, but the problems with the systems set up in every state."
Yet there are repeated comments about POAs being useless. And how could anyone possibly have spent enough time and legal research to be knowledgeable about the problems with system in every state? That's a heck of a lot of research.
Crickett, I think your best bet is to contact an attorney as it appears as though you haven't yet found the answers you're seeking here, despite a lot of compassion and attempts by people to answer your queries.
An attorney will tell you quickly whether or not you have a cause of action.
Frankly, I think the belittling being done is by you, and I'm not even sure you're a legitimate poster. Trolls take various forms. You might even be one. Usually there's a give and take in threads but I see no give on your part.
And I really do think you owe an apology to VegasLady.
And by the way, some of the information you've added in your posts clearly wasn't written by you but was apparently copied from some source describing various legal issues/documents.
It's illegal to copy any of that material from a copyrighted site without permission of the website owner.
Crickett, you started this thread asking if you had a case. In fact, that's the title of the thread. You proceeded to give us a litany of what you view as abuses or acts of neglect against your now-deceased mother, and claim you just want sentimental items from your stepfather and to know where your mother's ashes are. Then you launch into an all-out tirade against anyone who dares to question you about it, saying we are unwelcoming, belittling you, and so forth.
Bottom line: If you think you have a case, go to an attorney with whatever proof you have and see if you have one. If you don't like the answers we're giving you because they don't fit into your idea of what's right/wrong, then don't ask. You asked for help and opinions, and we gave them. Plain and simple. For you to attack everyone here because we did what you asked is what's "unwelcome".
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