My father is disabled and I get paid to be his direct care worker. He is not quite elderly, but I’m so frustrated and this seems to be the only outlet I can find to possibly help me. It’s my understanding that my “job” is to help protect and improve his health, not hurt it. But, he thinks my “job” is to constantly do whatever he wants/tells me to do... which often include buying cigarettes, junk food shopping every day, special trips just to buy bottles upon bottles of mountain dew to fuel my step-mom’s addiction. I feel so terrible every time I do it and have recently started fighting back, trying to get him to see that my “job” is to help him feel better... not further enable him to feel worse! Is one of us more right in this situation? Do I have to do “anything” he says? Or should his requests be strictly aimed towards his care and well-being? I enjoy spending time with him and need the money to pay my bills, but find myself not wanting to even be around him lately.
It took me a very long time to develop a thick skin with my husband. When I feel like I’m about to explode I tell him “Ignoring you now.” And leave the room.
Two choices. Re-draw the caregiver agreement. Put rules into effect. You aren’t giving care if you’re out at the store all the time buying stuff. And, are you also taking care of stepmom? Is that also in the agreement?
Second choice. Be vigilant and determined to save as much money as you can and move out on your own. If you want to be a caregiver, apply at a facility. They often do their own training at no cost to the student and then hire you to work for them. Offer to research caregivers for your dad and his wife. I can almost guarantee they will “behave” better for a stranger. My husband sure did. He called her “Sarge”, affectionately and still wants to visit her at rehab.
There is absolutely no shame in admitting that caregiving for your dad and stepmom isn’t going to work, especially in the capacity of an employee. When money changes hands, everything changes. If you decide to strike out on your own, be honest with them. Tell them you thought you could do it but you can’t. Be kind but firm. And good luck. Let us know how it works out.