He was diagnosed April 1, the same month I would have finalized our divorce. Now I'm his main caretaker as he works through severe illness, mood swings, hospitalizations, incontinence, you name it. His illness didn't erase years of nastiness. This is no privilege, it's a prison sentence.
I'm sorry if this is off topic for most of you. Caregiving is incredibly difficult even when you adore the person. There is no joy in giving care to someone you don't care for.
He now deserves to have someone care for him that is at least neutral even if he was an ass all his life, instead of someone that hates him don't you think?
Time to finalize your divorce and let paid caregivers take over his care with his money either in-home or in a facility.
Doing more than you want to do will cause you serious depression, and will effect your health, it sounds to me like this man already took enough from you.
Best of luck.
And don't do it out of guilt or pity. You aren't his only solution. Connect him with social services.
Move ahead with what you were going to do and remember the reason for doing it in the first place.
I wish you peace in your heart.
You are not the only one on this forum who has divorced a sick husband. I hope you are not taking his stuff now. He so needs you more than you need him and he needs to know it. There is something called "gray rock". Look it up, you literally ignore them. Do what you need to do but do not talk to him. You don't have to have divorce papers to tell him if he doesn't stop with the nastiness, you will walk out.
Do you and your husband have an amicable divorce in which you remain strong and steady friends? Because I cannot otherwise imagine why you are staying to be his caregiver.
Let us assume your husband was single and never married, and was diagnosed with an illness. He would be a part of a system that would help and support him.
I encourage you to get on with your life. I am assuming that you had good reason to divorce. If you wish to lend support to an ex who is now a friend, then help him navigate the system and support him in doing so, but do consider getting on with your life. I cannot begin to imagine why you would not. Can you tell me one single reason other than guilt which is entirely inappropriate here as you did not CAUSE this and you cannot FIX this, and guilt requires both those things to even exist. You can feel sorry for him. That doesn't make you responsible. You are a grown adult and you are responsible for your own CHOICES and if you remain with your husband you need to accept that this is YOUR CHOICE; no one will give you a gold star or sympathy for this. I am sorry to be blunt, but if your own faulty thinking is leading you down a path harmful to you I feel a good shaking up of your thinking is best.
I wish you good luck in your new future.
Move forward as planned with your divorce . Even if you weren’t divorcing , not every spouse could handle his needs , moods etc , the result would be the same , hiring in home help , or placement in a facility .