We are wanting just the 4 of us at the table, not caregiver as it is family time. We offered her off from 2-9 pm to go back to city and be with friends. She was hurt saying they all had plans. We have concerns with her anyway which we spoke with her about last night. The main one is her flirtatious behavior with my husband. My mother, her charge, wad the first one to notice it and she is bothered by it. My husband who is pretty naive to this does see it. The worst part is whenever I walk into the room she abruptly goes into another room like she feels guilty. I feel disrespected in my home. My husband mentioned this to her and naturally she denied that. She said she isnt "as close" to me because I am direct. My personality is direct and. not easy-going like my husbands. Most people would appreciate a direct personality as they know where they stand. I have always been nice to her. She takes offense when I tell her to do something differently with my mother. I've told her, as has my husband, we are following the doctors orders or rehabs instructions. The list goes on. My mother is 85, I am 56, my husband 52 and the caregiver is 40. She dresses in tight yoga pants, off the shoulder sweaters and leg warmers. My husband is very good looking. I trust my husband with all of this. Oh, and last night she told me that "any young woman who came into your home would flirt with your husband because he is a very good looking man".
Ufortunately she is the best we have had-we have had liars, people stealing, one getting naked in the shower with my mother, none previously who would cook (everything was fried in gallons of olive oil), one that said, when looking at our dogs she ATE dogs.
So obviously there are a lot of issues here but what I want to know now is it rude to just want the family at the Thanksgiving table?
Sorry for the soap opera but I wanted to supply a background.
Thank you for any suggestions.
Susan
Bear with me. My story's almost over. I was going to evict him from the house. (He was/is an 87-year-old jerk.) When I talked to the lawyer about him and told him what I wanted to do, my attorney said, "Maggie, that's not who you are. That's who you're letting this guy turn you into. Don't do that."
It's the first thing I thought of when I read your post. Don't become a person who would insist someone spend Thanksgiving alone. Hell, I'd invite a complete STRANGER to our Thanksgiving table.
Offer her the day off with pay, beginning the night before. If she doesn't want to go to see her family with that incentive, then she really is alone. Right now, she's mom's caregiver. She deserves your family's consideration.
Replace her after Christmas. In the meantime, be the giving generous person I know you are, and do the gracious thing. I cannot IMAGINE you would ever regret it.
First I would issue her a uniform. There are affordable scrubs in catalogs and at Walmart. Tell her that you will reimburse her up to $50 and she needs to start wearing the uniform by the end of the year. That's a clear message that things will change starting in the New Year.
Next, the training. She is taking care of your mother; therefore, it's your way or the highway. Learn to say "I need you to do it this way" and follow-up so she knows that you want to make sure she understands how you want something done.
Let her know that you are the one who will be giving her a reference should she choose to move on. That reference can either be that she was professional or that she was difficult to train. Either way you want to make some changes and it's only fair that she be informed of what changes she needs to work on. This needs to come from you and not your husband. When she does talk to your husband he needs to learn to say "Because my wife wants it done this way" or "Ask my wife for how she wants you to do it." You don't say who pays her but it should be you.
This is a power situation. She is testing the waters. Her inappropriate behavior is seeing what she can get away with. She is hired help. There's others out there and if all fails and she won't conform then it's time to part ways. I'm just thinking about how much time and energy you've already invested into getting what you want out of this person who, for all her faults, isn't a liar, thief, or pervert. I wish you lots of luck and I hope you'll tell us how it turns out.
I have no qualms with however you decide to spend your holiday. To me, that's a personal decision and you are not obligated to include an employee. I don't think I would expect that type of invitation from an employer, but I have never worked in the healthcare field.
HOWEVER,
What concerns me the most is the the statement she made to you about your husband being so good looking that any woman in your home would flirt with him. THAT comment would do it for me. Regardless of her abilities, that comment alone demonstrates an unprofessional attitude that I could not get past. I'd have to make other arrangements. When people tell me who they are, I listen.
This one needs to go, she is a danger to your marriage. Men are very easy to seduce even if they don't look for trouble, no bra and half a shirt are hard to resist by even the most secure family man. I know been there done that or should i say have it done to me. Suggestive remarks are the tip of the iceberg. "My husband would never do that" yes he would.
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