We are wanting just the 4 of us at the table, not caregiver as it is family time. We offered her off from 2-9 pm to go back to city and be with friends. She was hurt saying they all had plans. We have concerns with her anyway which we spoke with her about last night. The main one is her flirtatious behavior with my husband. My mother, her charge, wad the first one to notice it and she is bothered by it. My husband who is pretty naive to this does see it. The worst part is whenever I walk into the room she abruptly goes into another room like she feels guilty. I feel disrespected in my home. My husband mentioned this to her and naturally she denied that. She said she isnt "as close" to me because I am direct. My personality is direct and. not easy-going like my husbands. Most people would appreciate a direct personality as they know where they stand. I have always been nice to her. She takes offense when I tell her to do something differently with my mother. I've told her, as has my husband, we are following the doctors orders or rehabs instructions. The list goes on. My mother is 85, I am 56, my husband 52 and the caregiver is 40. She dresses in tight yoga pants, off the shoulder sweaters and leg warmers. My husband is very good looking. I trust my husband with all of this. Oh, and last night she told me that "any young woman who came into your home would flirt with your husband because he is a very good looking man".
Ufortunately she is the best we have had-we have had liars, people stealing, one getting naked in the shower with my mother, none previously who would cook (everything was fried in gallons of olive oil), one that said, when looking at our dogs she ATE dogs.
So obviously there are a lot of issues here but what I want to know now is it rude to just want the family at the Thanksgiving table?
Sorry for the soap opera but I wanted to supply a background.
Thank you for any suggestions.
Susan
She needs to be given a set of tasks and a routine that must be adhered to. If your husband has noticed her flirting he should speak up. Something like....that's not appropriate behaviour towards me, I don't like it and I don't like having to speak with you about it so...... no more of this immature nonsense. It has to come from him
The latest isshe wants a baby, told my mother she plans to raise it at my home" because it's a nice family to raise a child in ". She overheard my mother telling me and my husband her plan and we laughed telling my mom not to worry that no way would she raise a child in our home. Plus hire would she divide her care between a newborn and my mother? The next day she told my mother the test was negative, she wasn't pregnant. I thought she still was. That was a month ago and we found out yesterday from the agency she is and they couldn't believe she didn't tell us yet. She has a sometime boyfriend that she does not like and just wanted a baby (and child support).
That's the latest. And she still flirts with my husband and runs to the door to greet him like a wife might when I'm working late. He's annoyed and has told her to knock it off but she didn't.
Otherwise, refer yourselves to an attorney and dna testing doctor, for this 'if pigs could fly' fantasy series, made for T.V., just can't wait for the 'Coming soon' part.
Seriously, did you want to lose your husband?
Hope you will be okay, cannot understand why you did not choose to take anyone's earlier advice. Let us know, if you will.
But wouldn't the caregiver slant the posts toward herself, making her appear stronger and more positive?
At any rate, I think enough attention has been given to this issue. The original OP is the one to make changes; we've said what we had to say and can't do much more.
Second of all, kindness and compassion are key components of being a decent "human" being. If this caretaker has no one to invite her to a dinner on a holiday, why not open your heart and home to her? It will make her feel good and you might be surprised to find out it makes you feel good too. I have no family anywhere and it is awful to have no place to go. Years ago, when just my mother was left living, I scoured the neighborhood to find a few people who had no family and no place to go on the holidays and brought them home for a meal. To this day, I recall the joy I felt in "giving" of myself to those others less fortunate. Perhaps after the meal, you could "excuse" her on the basis you wished to discuss family matters. That would work. Be kind - you won't be sorry.