I feel so bad when I lose my patience with Mom. Do others experience that? Is is fatigue on my part?? Most times, I am okay. I am really short on patience when she fights me as I am trying to help her -- like take off her Depends when they need to be changed. I know sometimes she doesn't know what is going on. Other times, she knows exactly what she is doing.
I remember when Dad had a heart attack and there were different things that needed to be change in their house, like moving furniture, to make it easier for Dad to get around, but Mom didn't like how the room presented itself...[rolling eyes].... it finally got to a point where I yelled "It's not all about you, Mom".
This was back when my parent first started to need my help and continued on for 7 years. Then there was the time when my Dad said he was going to start driving again, all because I wasn't able to drive them somewhere. That was a major hot button with me, and I would fire off big time. It was long after my parents had passed that I realized it wasn't Dad who needed to go somewhere, it was Mom being stubborn again. Poor Dad, I bet Mom was pressuring him to drive again... [sigh].
With me losing my patience early in the journey, that told me I wasn't made to be a hands-on type caregiver... give me logistical and I will be ok. Once my Mom passed, Dad was ok with hiring caregivers to help him, as I was no domestic goddess.
I lose my patience, feel guilty and then pray.
I do however see my patience getting stronger the more I pray and develop a reliant relationship with Jesus.
This job is hard, but do our best to love and care, and not let take us to a negative place. I will keep you in my prayers, you are not alone in this.