Our dad was diagnosed with dementia. He currently lives with us. He recently was lost by taking an Uber and not telling me. He’s also eating spoiled food so doctor says he can no longer live alone. My sister is not ok with this and is threatening to sue. What do I need to do, if anything?
2. Speak with an Elder Law Attorney about the situation and family dynamics. An initial consult should be perhaps gratis. And, though there may be fee involved, it may save you financially, and in many other ways.
3. This is about the " safety" of an aging person diagnosed with dementia and, from his PCP orders that " he not live alone". You may in fact need a lawyer to set straight your sister or anyone else fighting the father's potential placement in a facility .
4. You may benefit from having a Geriatric Case Manager ( usually an licensed social worker) assigned to your father to help you also navigate his needs, options for safety and care based on PCP " assessment of level of care needs".
5. Practice good self care for your own well being.
If there's no money involved and sister just trying to make you keep him in your home, his condition states other needs that you can't or won't accommodate any longer. If sister can be with him all day, she could come to your house and sit with him or move him to her house. If no one can keep eyes on him all the time, he needs facility care for his own safety.
Also, how did dad get spoiled food? Surely you don't keep spoiled food on hand, so I ask -- Is he hiding food in his room?
I'm not sure your sister could find a lawyer that would take this lawsuit. I suspect any lawyer she went to would advise that some reasonable conversations need to occur before legal steps are taken.
If there's a solution for that, put it in effect. If it came from trash, lock the trash can. If he's storing food in his room. Check his room daily. In the refrigerator?
At any rate, you might be able to put measures in place for his safety. Sitter for dad? Air tag in his shoes?
If you desire, Dad my be able to stay with you, with intervention.
Best wishes,
Chickie
Take a deep breath. What is it YOU need help with to take care of dad. What does your sister want. Put it all down on paper. Look at the costs to do this. REMEMBER you both need to remain the loving daughters to him, and get help to do the things that a caretaker can do. It is a long road. The two of you need to support each other more now than ever. There are more decisions ahead that will get harder. Do this together!!!
Either way , OP replied on this thread that the sister is not willing to take in or care for the father . She can not force OP to continue living with the Dad either . And the Dad is not safe home alone .
You are your father's POA. It is your decision and yours alone as to whether or not his home is with you or in a lovely facility.
More of the story may help.
OP states " He currently lives with us". I took that as OP recently took Dad in, until OP placed him in a facility , because the doctor said he can't live alone.
OP states , He was recently lost taking an Uber..... "He's also eating spoiled food so the doctor says he can no longer live alone." This would make more sense if it read "He was also eating spoiled food so the doctor says he can no longer live alone. "
It's possible auto correct changed " He was" to "He's". I have had that happen frequently.
When it was suggested in an answer , that sister take care of Dad.......OP replied with ...."Exactly what I told her, but she conveniently refuses to take him. Yes unfortunately she does have the money to sue. I am poa and feel it’s time for a home. I’m guessing I need to get this in writing from the doctor "
I could be wrong but this made me think sis did not want him in a home, ( possibly to preserve inheritance).
I wasn't seeing the possibility that My2cents saw. But it is confusing, so it could be . More details from OP would help.
Seriously, she needs to have a sit down with you to discuss the end of wants and the beginning of needs, beginning with safety. I am impressed he got himself an Uber. We are so thankful my mom never touched a computer ever and couldn't handle a cell phone.