This has been a long hard journey, dad was in a va hosp for almost 2 wks, discharged to my house under 24/7 supervision due to not be capable of making his own decisions, being a danger to himself, alcoholic drug addict and possible mental illness or dementia. He was under my care for 1 wk before ambulanced to another hospital due to not waking up...found he was having liver failure and are now treating him, he is awake but his mental and physical state have decreased drastically. He thinks nothing is wrong with him, thinks he is fine and doesnt need care however the care he truly needs it extensive, he cannot do anything on his own, bath, toilet, meals, or even transfer to and from wheelchair. has a catheter, rectal tube.ect...His dr currently wants to investigate more on the dementia side since he is very delusional and unrealistic in his idea and stories. He owns a home in So ca however has been in Wa state with me for almost 1 mth. I have medical POA my aunt (in so ca) has financial POA. Dad is starting to refuse care, tests treatments and refuses to believe or accept that he needs to be placed in a care facility. he wants to return to his house and "rot" on his couch with no help or care. APS had a case of self neglect open on him however just closed them due to the hospital taking care of the situation. My house is no longer an option for care, they believe and so do i that the level of care he needs is far above what i can offer and his ins does not cover enough respite or caregiver hours to help in anyway. I have little to no resources for paying for guardianship, my dad will refuse at all cost and my aunt it kind of on the fence about things. She is very worried about her responsibility and does not want to get in trouble for anything, there for unwilling to help pay for anything. I dont know what to do, no other family can or will help, my aunt doenst want anything to do with it all and has stated that she would gladly give up her side of the POA once dad is somewhere permanent....im at a loss have no resources and dont know what to do. MY dad is in a hospital 2 hrs away and driving back and forth, babysitters gas hotel has already cost my family more than we can afford but i am the only person dad has and dont know what to do. He has a substantial income that just sit in his bank acct and want me to use his debit card but does not understand how much trouble i can get into for all of that, i have no power over his money and do not want to touch a dime in fear that it will come back to bite me in the butt legally. I want guardianship due to him being noncompliant and needing placed in a home but not sure what to do
With the medical and financial powers of attorney in place, you have ALL you need unless your dad objects. Doctors are reluctant to follow the instructions of the agent if the principal is objecting.
If you could find some quiet time with your dad, possibly with some medication (hint) to help make him less anxious and explain to him how refusing is just going to cost him money, that the doctors are taking it out of your hands if your dad won't cooperate. If heartfelt, you might get through to him but you have to stay calm and assertive and encourage him to make the right decision.
My grandmother died in 1926 of generic "female cancer". My aunt alcohol dementia always said if anything like that happen to her she kill herself. She had a prolapsed uterus, so bad it was virtually inside out in her bladder was collapsing. She obviously needed surgery but pitched a real fit. The Dr understood the situation, prescribed some ativan and let us talk in private. It's difficult to reason with a dementia patient but sometimes you can if you hit the right buzzwords. With my aunt, it was all about money. When she realized what it was going to cost HER to continue objecting, she relented and told the doctor she wanted to go ahead with the hysterectomy. By the next day she has changed your mind again but we had another little talk about the money and she eventually ended up in surgery. It helps to have an understanding and cooperative doctor (hint).
You and your aunt can keep records and get a ledger to write down how his money is being used for his welfare. Long run, I think you as the daughter need to get control of the financial POA since your father no longer lives near your aunt and it will be difficult to coordinate his care without any funds as not everything is paid for by Medicare or other insurances.
Good luck. I hope his health improves a bit so caregiving isn't too difficult. See if the doctor thinks he will be able to get off the catheter. Hospitals are quick to but these in place but men "of a certain age" have really difficulty getting off them. Men tend to find them very depressing.