Tonight I'm FULL of resentment and bitterness...my mom goes on and on about herself like a narcissist (which my therapist defined her as)...i know i should just let it go but she NEVER asks me about my life, which is basically non-existent anyway because when i'm not taking care of her, i'm flat on my face exhausted.
nd
So i got angry with her and told her I feel like a slave..she said i'm basically crazy and it was a stupid thing to say...'you shouldn't feel that way"...Boy did that feel GREAT though to actually verbalize it!
But the sledgehammer hit when she said, "you wouldn't be so focused on me if you had a life" IS THAT VERBAL ABUSE OR AM I JUST IMAGINING THINGS?
If you can, get your mom seen by a geriatric psychiatrist. You don't have to tell her that's who she's going to, just a specialist in seniors. One of these doctors can make the world of difference for your mom (and therefore, you).
My mom is a bi-polar, narcissistic, borderline personality disorder patient, with Alzheimers to make it more fun. She was NEVER correctly treated for this until she got to see a geriatric psych.
70+ years of regular old vanilla GPs had not been able to fix her "nerves" or how her emotions would run away with her, or her paranoia & anger. This was not a GP problem, but I was pretty irritated none of them had the sense to refer her on.
There's no magic pill to fix narcissism or any of the other Cluster B personality disorders, but getting into help will teach you so much about why this is happening.
What YOU can do NOW is put up iron-clad unmoevable personal boundaries. She will probably pitch fits, pull stunts, and do whatever it takes to make you pay attention, but you have to assert your personhood.
Good luck and write back!
Wish I would have found this website a few years ago.... then I could have learned to have said *no* more times to my parents. Instead I took mega time off work, used up my vacation days, sick days, and days without pay, to help them. Instead of feeling good about helping them, I was starting to feel a lot of resentment :(