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My mom was moved to memory care. Huge fall risk. Very unbalanced. Because of that they try to keep her out of her room. They feel when she’s in there alone she falls. She went from a nice one bedroom to a shared room right now until a private one opens up. So no tv. I’m sure she would like to just sit in her room and watch tv but that’s when she falls and even though they have a small aide to resident ratio it isn’t one on one. Sometimes I feel just let her enjoy the last part of her life even if it means she falls. She wants to die and doesn’t care if she falls but I tried to explain that she could end up in the hospital. Which is worse. I just feel very guilty and she’s been so angry to me lately and I think that’s why. Even though she can’t really express herself.

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I get what you're saying. There are so few things they are able to enjoy at that point, so the risk of falling (which can happen any way) doesn't outweigh the potential for fleeting enjoyment. My 97-yr old aunt with (probably stage 6) dementia is being cared for by her 100-yr old sister who is still sharp as a tack but physically very slow in a walker with a very hunched back. The 97yo has fallen 3x this year alone each time breaking a bone. Yet the sister will just not give her over to a SNF. Both sisters get happiness and comfort from being in their own home with each other, regardless of the injuries that keep occurring. It upsets me, but it upsets me more to think about my Auntie all alone and confused in a NH screaming for her sister day and night. So, she stays in their home and if she falls, she falls. Eventually one of the falls will be her last. It feels like the lesser of 2 evils. May you receive peace in your heart as your continue on the final leg of your mom's life journey.
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NeedHelpWithMom Jan 2020
How my mom never broke anything with falls is a miracle! Once, she hit her forehead and was bleeding. She didn’t care about the fall.

She was upset because my daughter grabbed the first bandaid she could find which was the character bandaids (tweety bird) and she hated wearing that bandage to the hospital to be checked.

As soon as the nurse told her that she thought the bandage was cute she said, “Oh yes, it’s really cute. These are my granddaughter’s bandaids. They are cute!” Go figure, huh?
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My 93 y/o mother has fallen FORTY times over the past 5 years she's been in Assisted Living and now Memory Care. 4-0 times. So yes, if she falls she falls. Nothing much can be done about it, really. She has a bed alarm and a chair alarm now in Memory Care, but guess what? She still falls. She has fallen in the shower, WITH an aide practically carrying her. She's fallen off of her recliner a few times, but says 'oh I didn't really FALL.......I slid.' Well, if you landed on your arse, mother, and had to be heaved up and back onto the chair, well by golly, that constitutes a fall.

Every time the phone rings & I see the name of her MC come up, I grit my teeth, hold my breath & make the sign of the cross.

The day we left for Morocco last year, she fell in the bathroom and busted up some bones in her sternum. We didn't know about it until we returned because she managed to haul herself up w/o help.

On her last admission to the hospital this past May is when we found out about the broken sternum bones AND ribs........all in various stages of healing, from a CT scan done on her while there.

Believe it or not, she's never been seriously hurt from any of these falls. Yet.

I attribute it to all the extra cushioning she has on her butt, thighs, stomach and hips.

God help us all.

Don't feel 'guilty' about anything, ok? What are you doing 'wrong', exactly, to warrant guilt? Just think if she was living with you and falling all the time! THEN you'd REALLY be feeling guilty, as if you needed to be attached to her hip 24/7 in order to prevent it!!

Your mother has dementia and that's why she's angry..........their moods are all over the place. My mother gets SO obstinate and SO angry over basically nothing, screaming & cursing & going ballistic. It's not me. It's not my fault. It's the disease's fault. The falling is due to bad balance issues from neuropathy and a stubborn streak a mile wide about what she Can Do On Her Own vs. The Truth.

One day at a time, that's my motto. Until the phone rings again. Sending you a hug and best wishes.
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NeedHelpWithMom Jan 2020
My mom ‘slid’ off of chair and bed too. She used that same word, slid! Whew! It’s tough, isn’t it?
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