Hello fellow caregivers, I've been posting here for some time and today I guess I just need validation. I've been on this journey with my mother now for 10+ years.and lately have been feeling so burnt out. Financially stressed, no family to help carry the load, and my depression has gotten worse. I try hard to please my mother cooking 3 course meals nightly and catering to her whims. She is way too fragile to survive a nursing facility and with her mindset would probably die quickly if I placed her in one. As of late, reports have been surfacing about abuse and neglect in several prominent facilities in my area. So this is not an option right now. I saved some money from her tax returns but am finding I have to use these savings for car repairs and caregiving expenses for times I need to run errands. Slowly these funds are disappearing. And as a result, finding myself more anxious than usual. My energy level has gone down and everyday I dread getting out of bed. My brother who is wealthy will not help us and he expects me to pay 8000.00 cash for her burial expenses. My mother has specific instructions regarding how she would like her funeral arranged. However, at the rate I'm going through savings, I will have to have her cremated which costs far less but will cause great guilt on my part. Should I just leave this part up to my brother at the time of her death? I know the money will not be there and my brother and his mean wife has screamed at me time and again about money issues. I feel like running far away. Just so sad. Thanks for letting me vent.
As to placing your mother. I completely understand your reluctance. I have some of the same issues with my mother, but I do have some support resources you don't have and my mother isn't that difficult to care for. So I ask you to consider how much better off you both might be if your mother was cared for in a facility and you were getting more sleep and off that 24/7 on-call. You can still cook for your mother and spend several hours a day with her at the nursing home making sure she is OK. You're 68, so what happens if you need medical care that requires a couple of hospital days?
You have nothing to feel guilty about. As someone else here on the forum has said, guilt is for someone who has done something wrong. You have not done anything wrong. You have given your mother a wonderful gift of your time and energy to provide her care. Leave the guilt for your brother.
Also, do you have Meals on Wheels in your area? They will provide your mom with one free meal a day. That might help a little.