My husband was diagnosed 14yrs. ago with Alzheimer’s which has progressed drastically and I want to keep him home as long as possible. I really need to get a few hrs away but he makes it so hard not wanting a “babysitter.” I tell him this is for me, that I need to know he is safe, but he denies the need.
Just do it. And I hope you get great help and some relief. I truly wish you the best.
At least that’s how it worked for me.
Now they are best buddies and my wife misses her caregiver when she isn’t here. Every situation is different and I know I am blessed with my outcome.
Sometimes keeping them home is the best decision that can be made FOR ALL CONCERNED, and sadly, FOR ALL CONCERNED, sometimes not.
When you are trying to “reason” with him, you are sacrificing and losing time that you NEED, and not making him any more secure or comfortable by doing so.
Knowing that your efforts to structure HIM are NOT WORKING, try structuring YOU.
Congenial caretaker enters, chats with husband (snack, checkers, whatever to distract), “I’m going to run to the post office (market, Walmart, garden store) and I’ll be back really soon”, kiss, turn, and leave.
I found that “kiss-turn-leave” was a miracle, once I mastered it.
Try it! If he doesn’t protest, you will be out the door, and getting to do WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE.
If he DOES protest, you’ll STILL be doing what you have to do, and he’ll still be your husband who has Alzheimer’s when you get home.
A hard thing for a loving caregiver to do, but sometimes, as painful as it can be for you both, also the best you can do for both of you.
You are not alone in this.
You sound like you are an amazing wife. Obviously, you care for your husband dearly to want him to be comfortable while you attend to your needs.
Try to have the same amount of compassion for yourself as you do for your husband.
Realize that it isn’t a luxury to have time off from caregiving, but rather a necessity.
You absolutely need rest for your body and mind. You also need rest to have enough stamina to care for your husband’s needs.
Best wishes to you and your husband.
Invite him to have lunch with the two of you and let them take a walk together (or a long ride) to see what they have in common.
See All Answers