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I finally found the woman I want to spend my life with and I have two kids from my previous marriage of 23 years. Being a lesbian was something I hid my entire life, I love my kids they are my heart and I want so bad for us all to be a family. My 15 year old daughter is trying so hard to prevent this from happening and I feel so bad. My 13 year old son adores my girlfriend. I feel so torn my daughter and my future wife. I don't know what to do..any LGBT advice would be appreciated. Please do not be negative or rude on my post.

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Jenn2720 - Thank you for you reply to my post.

I understand that your daughter said to you that she was jealous. But I have to agree with Barb - I honestly don’t think a 15 yr old is mature enough nor self-aware enough to dissect the depth of emotion in a situation such as yours. If anything, they use the word “jealous” to downplay their anger. Your daughter does probably realize that anger is more socially unacceptable so “jealousy” is used instead. And, while she may be angry- it is probably fear and insecurity that is at the root of it all.

JMHO
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Wondering why you are posting this on an Aging Care forum
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shad250 May 2019
She is probably an older woman.
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not much you can do. I've your life, remain open to accepting your daughter when she is ready.

Just like inter-racial marriage of the past...some people need a bunch of time to get used to it, some people never do.
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Jenn2720 May 2019
Thank you
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I am totally confused by this post. I’m not anti gay in the least but this is the Aging forum site. I’m reading about a teenage girl. Good luck to you anyway.
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Jen, if you have a 15 year old daughter who is NOT jealous and upset about parents getting divorced and a new partner appearing on the scene, then you are probably in a small minority. She may get over it, or then again she may not. There are many posts on this site about step-children who resent second marriages for two or three decades. I could tell my own story, resentment of my second husband who I married 20 years after first husband left. It would be good to lower your expectations. You have nothing to prove.
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I’m with realyreal. Troll.

Sometimes, shes the “Domestic Partner” as stated in the heading of the original post. Sometimes, she’s the mom as in her replies to Barb and me. Sometimes, she’s just a friend trying to help out another friend - who doesn’t have a computer - as in her reply to NYDaughter.

Yep. Troll - and not even a good Troll, at that.
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Teenagers are just awful :) having said that, it could be more an issue of you having found someone else and her nuclear family (mom, dad & sibs) is never going to be the 'same'.

Love is love--I firmly believe that. Your daughter is at an age when everything a parent does is incredibly embarrassing.

Let her know you love you SO and you want her to be a part of this blended family. Time will often cure these issues. How long have you been with your partner?

Make sure she spends as much time with dad as she can. Give her the space and time to accept this new dynamic. Think about how this would have impacted you if this had been your mom. It's kind of a lot to take in.

Forced therapy is pointless. Leave the door open on that. She may be more amenable to it later.
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Jenn2720 May 2019
Yes I agree, teens don't have the same respect we did when we were kids. We have been together for 7 months now. She spends a good amount of time with her father as she does with me. Yes she does not want therapy and has refused. Thank you for your reply.
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Most teenagers are opposed to their divorced parents getting together with someone else.

It means that the fantasy that they have that their parents will reunite won't come true.

Most teenagers believe, at least subconsciously, that a breakup was their fault. And they retain the magical thinking that they can get parents back together.

The fact that you think this has to do with "jealousy" on the part of a 15 year old is disturbing.

I think that your partner should seek counseling to get good advice on dealing with realistic expectations of her teenagers in a divorce/remarriage situation.
(EDITED TO CORRECT TYPO)
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Grandma1954 May 2019
I removed my comment but it will not let me leave the field blank. So..thank you for making the correction.
Happy Mothers Day to you as well.
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A few questions.
How long have you known your future wife? And at what point did you introduce her to your family?
1. Yes she might be jealous of someone "taking you away" from her. You are dividing your attention now and that can hurt.
2. She may have "opinions" or feelings about same sex couples. Have you discussed this with her?
3. How does your ex feel about same sex couples? Is it possible that she is mirroring those feelings, thoughts and ideas? (and is he "hurt" by any of this the divorce, you finding a partner? this might be her way of protecting him)
4. Have you been a "religious" family before? and if so how does your church or clergy feel about same sex couples? She may be conflicted about this as well.
5. Is she afraid of what her "friends" might think or say?

The age of 15 is a crappy time of life anyway. So much peer pressure to be ..."perfect".."smart"..."pretty"..."popular" and all the rest of that "bs"

Make sure you MAKE time for you two alone...girls time..do something special just make sure she knows that she is still #1. (and your kids should always be #1)

Side note..if any one is rude or offensive please report the answer. This is a forum where we should all feel safe in asking the questions we NEED answered and we should not judge anyone. As my Grandma said..If you can't say something nice don't say anything.

Happy Mothers Day
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There’s one important thing I learned caring for my elderly parents: our life here is short.

We have to enjoy every minute and find our own happiness.
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anonymous432569 May 2019
Exactly!! thank you for sharing
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