My NJ dad is mentally incompetent and VERY abusive. I'm his healthcare & durable POA. I don't want to be his healthcare POA, but I will continue to pay his bills. He is getting released from a hospital to a long term care facility and the hospital is telling me I have to continue to be his guardian. What can I do? I know in NJ you can walk away from your parents (I don't want to do that), but I don't want to be in charge and no one else does either. Do we have any immediate options?
It seems like the best placement for your dad right now would be a long term care facility with a psychiatric specialty that will accept him Medicaid pending, not a regular nursing home. Work with the discharge planners at the hospital to find the correct place.
Has he been seen by a geriatric psychiatrist at the hospital ? Are they trialing him on meds to ease his agitation and psychosis?
If my relative was acting out in a nh setting, I would not pick them up. I would have them sent by ambulance to the nearest psychiatric emergency room.
Sorry for giving advice. Most of just can't help ourselves.
You cannot be forced to "be in charge." If your dad was declared by a court to be incompetent to make his own decisions and you were appointed to be his legal guardian, then you may need to go through some formal steps to resign, but even then you can resign.
It sounds to me like Dad should be a ward of the state. There is no particular benefit to him of having you handle what little finances he has.
If you wish to maintain contact, visit him in the care center.
You are no hid guardian unless you have been do appointed by a judge. The hospital had no authority over you to act in any manner on behalf of your dad. Tell the social workers that you are no longer going to be his HCPOA. If there is a successor HCPOA in dad's documents, inform that person in writing immediately and give the hospital that person's name and contact information.
It is interesting and even somewhat troubling that you have chosen to handle his financial affairs. Expect people to be rather surprised.
A wonderful father deserves your best. He's mean now? Don't see him. But help your father. You will NEVER be sorry.
@JeanneGibbs and @Maggie Marshall: My dad is abusive to everyone around him. His HHA's whom he let me put in the house 3 days a week told me no one will put up with him. The nurses in the hospital told me he is extremely difficult. I imagine that he will be thrown out of nursing home after nursing home because of this. I've met plenty of sons, daughters and spouses that have received calls at midnight telling them to pick their relative up in the morning. My sister is a hospice nurse and sees this all the time. She said this will probably happen more than once with our father.
I am not in good health and to sacrifice what little I have left for a dad who has turn psychotic is certainly not a good choice for me. It's not just signing him in, it's taking calls all night long, it's the stress of someone telling me to pick him up and find another place for him.....I've pulled up my big girl panties so many times in the past 5 years that one more tug just might break them.
That said, I asked a question about having to be his medical POA. I didn't ask anyone's opinion on what I should do. I appreciate your answers on my original query, but to offer your unsolicited sentiments is downright rude.
Posters come here to ask advice, and often learn there are other options or issues that can affect and/or help their decision. That's all people here are trying to do is help you. To conclude that they're rude is inappropriate.
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