Downsizing... Any tips on best ways to do this?

I find it easier to look ahead and identify what you definitely will want, use (or value highly, in the case of sentimental items) and have space for. Then you can become a bit more ruthless with what's left, knowing that it won't be anything crucial you're letting go.

From there one drawer or cupboard at a time, into the sell, donate, recycle, dump boxes.

Sounds easy, hmmm??? I know it isn't! Hugs to you.

Ariadnee: Perhaps you could do this in stages so that he may not notice, but maybe you shouldn't get rid of his clothing, else he'll have nothing to wear.

Just do small things, a little at a time. Your husband won’t notice.

As for his clothes, don’t go too overboard just yet. But maybe start with out of season stuff, like spring/summer is approaching, so in about 2 months, donate some of his less often used coats, sweaters, winter stuff etc. Next fall, donate some of his summer clothes like shorts etc. By the time the next season rolls around, he won’t remember what he had. Not sure if he ever wore suits/ties, but keep at least one nice outfit/shoes in case he needs it.

Its frustrating for you, because it’d be easier to just get it done, but for your husbands sake, just do some here and there,

Another thing I did was after my mom passed I gave all her good clothes , shoes , hand bags , coats to a schizophrenic house where I know these items would be of value to people in need and I did the same thing with my items at Christmas to another halfway house 🏠 At least you know everything will be appreciated - also woman’s half way houses for domestic violence where most everyone is homeless. When my brother passed a man came who looked like he was very poor and we packed up a couple suitcases for him .

I think you are so smart and thoughtful for tackling this now. I just moved my parents out of their home of 30 years. My mother had only begun cleaning out closets and drawers of unwanted/unneeded items a few weeks before we put the house on the market. While I am thankful she was able to clear out as much as she did, there was so much more that was needed to be done in a very short time period. It seemed rushed and everyone was stressed to their limits.

It seemed to help my mother (doesn’t have dementia but still struggled to downsize) to think that most of the items she was donating would go to someone else to be enjoyed. As long as she didn’t think things were getting “thrown away”, she seemed more willing to part with things. My father is the one recently diagnosed with dementia. He had a harder time letting things go and came up with lots of memories attached to things (usually something HUGE like an antique corner cupboard) as reasons to hang on. Some of these stories had never been heard before.

Another thing that seemed to help my mother was being able to tell her that if some decisions were just too emotional at the moment, we would go ahead and move whatever it was and deal with it later. They downsized significantly but were moving to a place with a bigger garage so we are storing things there until she’s ready to let it go. Things stored in the garage may very well be ruined between the temperature swings but that is the risk she is willing to take right now. The goal was to minimize the emotional trauma of so many changes at once. It was a blessing we had the space to handle that plan. Plan B is to take advantage of a neighborhood garage sale this summer then donate anything left.

We donated a ton, including a vehicle, sold a ton, and threw out a ton. The paperwork alone weighed over 100lbs. On top of all of that, someone had to plan and execute the move, getting them settled, lining up all of the legal and financial accounts, and preparing for all of the changes to their healthcare in a new state. All finances had been done by my father who could no longer remember the accounts much less any passwords or usernames associated with them. All that to say, I wish they had taken the time to plan ahead as you are doing. I am starting to do the same because, while I’m much younger than my parents, I cannot imagine my children having to go through this for me.

Tips:

-Many places will come pick up donations if you call or arrange for a pickup time online.
-Kars for Kids came and towed an inoperable pickup truck for us. They sold it at auction and sent us a receipt so that we can claim that amount on their taxes. It ended up being a lot more than we had been offered in cash.
-Some cities offer bulk trash pick up options that are very reasonable if you call and arrange the pick up in advance
-Staples and other businesses offer bulk shredding for paperwork (most charge by weight)
-Some local libraries will accept book donations (ours has an annual book sale)

Good luck with clearing the clutter! I hope you’ll feel lighter and less stress as it goes.

I usually Place a ad on Craigslist under free . There is One on face Book and a new site called Next Door for free stuff . I have Noticed a truck 1- 800 - Got Junk in the neighborhood . I may try the 1-800 - Got - junk this spring for the basement . There is a veterans group my sister uses . Stages is a good idea .

How about a declutter goal and maybe find a "Professional Organizer" to assist you and your husband. They're very good at organizing what goes where and how to organize what is left.

If you are going to move in with your husband to assisted living, then you can figure out what will be going with you (very little, I'm guessing). If you're moving by yourself, that will even look different than moving in together.

SOOO proud you are aware & ready to begin the process! I am a Residential Realtor & have to oftentimes purge/donate/organize Sellers' personal belongings prior to listing their home. They are always thrilled with the outcome. This is never about ridding of sentimental items/clothes of the spouse who passed. You are going to need to sneak behind his back, so it seems. How mobile is he? Can you have a box in a closet or garage that you place giveaway items in? A spot he won't notice? Drop or have Goodwill or another charity pick up on the sly or toss a bit at a time. ***THIS is my biggest issue with my (pretty much a hoarder) Mom. You can walk in & out of every room, but stacks of periodicals, books, clothes, art..toys from her Great Grandson & his Mom who lived with my Parents for a decade. WAYYYYY too much attachment to items!!! Lost in thinking memories will leave if the "stuff" leaves... I am trying each week to make progress, even if I only toss 1 item...but it is my most difficult challenge with her. I commend you for recognizing & wanting to get around the situation. We all hold onto way too much crap. It's not all valuable. You may or may not be able to donate. Have a donate & trash pile. Love the below re: the dumpster rental. My Mom yells at me for wanting to clean her place/organize....clean her garage-her closets/cupboards. Actually selfish not to allow me to. Leave it for me to do in a decade? I see the writing on the wall re: her mobility challenges...what needs to go in order to set up for future Caregivers in home (should we go this way).. If she would allow me to clean upstairs--I could create a addt'l family room with a mini fridge & microwave... I could frame more of my Dad's photos--display more that is hidden away. She is too controlling & angry, so I continue to try & must allow time to pass. I applaud YOU for getting going on this! It's not going to get any easier! LOVE the comments & advice below!

Just went through this. We had already downsized, but I was amazed at the stuff we got rid of without a second thought. In your case, I would continue to get rid of stuff he would never notice. But also think about yourself, I was a big cooking type, but felt a sense of relief when the heavy appliances, pans, oodles of cooking helps went. And many things that were "still good" and "might be useful". True, but finally decided that a thrift store could arrange for those contingencies for someone else. You seem to be off to a good start. Someone said to say to yourself "I got MY use out of it."

You're doing it right! Keep at it.

Good Morning,

If you want your neighbors to love you join "The Buy Nothing Project". I have recently learned of this organization that started a few years ago.

Basically, it's set up by zip codes. You go online and donate items and people in your neighborhood pick them up. No money is exchanged and bartering is not required. You get to meet people from your area and it builds community.

Basically, it's recycling and people can hold onto their $$$ since gas has gone up, utilities, chicken, etc.

The older you get you don't as much stuff as you think you do. But you need the right stuff, comfortable reading chair, good lighting, good reading glasses.

I'm sure you'll find a home for your things. Hope this helps!

I think it's a great idea.

I'm absolutely all for recycling, but sometimes, your best friend is a dumpster. Many of these other ideas are just going to drag out the process; maybe you want it to be gradual, though,
When my dad died and we thought my mom wouldn't be coming home (COVID, before the vax; my sister and I both quarantined in their home), we rented a dumpster for the "junk." We had a garage sale last summer and will do again this summer (not all that successful) and my sister has spent a lot of time selling stuff on Facebook--none of it for very much, but she feels she's doing something.
We'll probably rent a dumpster again this summer.
Not sure what exactly we'll do with the mostly pared-down furniture that will be left when she likely goes into a nursing home within the next year. Neither of us have room for it.

My sister downsized before I had to do the same. The best advice she gave was get rid of everything you can part with... if it is something you find you really need, you can buy a new one! She then said that she has rarely needed or replaced anything she parted with!

There are several websites that you can search individual books and get the price they willing to pay... sometimes even providing a prepaid label.

As a professional organizer and caretaker, I see you are taking a very healthy step to making your lives more stress free and bring in more time to be with him.
1.Perhaps begin by taking photos of your/ his favorite cherished items. Give this collection to whomever you believe you can trust who would be willing to make sure either of you have them in case you are not able to speak for yourself.
2. Make a list of experiences that make you and him happy ( if you become unable to speak or immobile) for example, do you like to have your arms rubbed, do you like to have your hair combed, which foods do you like to eat? do you want people to take you outside for walks? do you like small quiet places? A favorite pet? Clothing? Think of anything you can...think of your senses and what you like to smell, hear, feel, see...although with dementia, ones senses change, it always helps to have a sense of your likes and dislikes. Write down a few special moment stories with pictures people can later show you or converse with you.
3. Begin taking away items you know he will not miss and or not sentimental to either of you. ( In my experience this may be harder for you to do than one thinks because removing these things from your lives may make you feel like you are removing a part of you two, you are deceiving him, and /or having to come to terms that he is seriously ill.) Take one decision at a time.
Everyone works at this differently, however, in my experience it is often very confusing for your loved one to watch people cart things off and explaining the process to them. If they have no memory of the items, in their world, the item is already gone. They do not need to watch the process. Ask yourself, are you having them involved because you think it will make them feel included or is it because it makes you feel less guilty- yes this is very difficult, and sometimes it is good to just sit down and have a cry. No one else can be in your shoes, it is such a personal decision, it is ok to change your mind on things, or take a break.
4. Sometimes Social Services can connect you directly with a family in need. It will make the giving feel more personal and you will see a direct positive effect for someone else who is also in a hard time.
5. Removing the excess gives room for more time with precious conversations, holding their hand, and working through loss that you feel.
6. Take care of yourself. Yes, all of these things in the end are things, you and he , that connection is your "life" and moments with him are precious.
7. Begin small, moving small pebbles ( not the mountain) and over time you will start to see that tiny steps will amount to much less stress and responsibilities. You will feel the overwhelming burden of so many decisions will lighten.
8. If you are unsure of the value of items, you can hire an appraiser independently to appraise your items. If you go with a company to sell all of your items, like an estate sale, be mindful that they often charge very high prices just to even get everything ready for the sale. Often, it can be more advantageous to donate items and write them off on taxes ( places of donation will gladly pick up all of your household items- make sure you take photos first )and then you sell the few items of great value.
9. Often clients are not aware of how large their furniture is and plan on taking many oversized items with them when they downsize to another place. An easy way to guestimate what you could realistically bring when you downsize, go online, find a floorplan similar to what you have in mind on moving to later. Then measure everything you plan on taking. Will it fit into the plan? Will all of your items fit into the drawers and cabinets? Often it is better to sell/donate something you have and find items more appropriate once you are in your new residence after the excess is removed. Having more room will make staying in your current home much easier too.
You can do this. One step at a time.

"You say he wants to stay home as long as possible. Change that to you will keep him home as long as it is SAFE. 
Safe for HIM for you to care for him and safe for YOU to care for him."

So true. He'll wind up staying on the first floor of the house, and I need to make room for that and to be able to safely care for him.
Thanks for the help!

Thank you all for your thoughtful replies and tips! I will start doing this in stages. Glad that the general consensus is that stuff like this won't be missed by those who have dementia.

Do it at a slow pace with items that hopefully won't be missed. Be glad you don't have a lifetime of possessions.

My husband and I are only children. My mother is divorced and my late MIL was widowed for many years. We had to empty both their residence when they had to enter AL facilities. We had to travel to do this. It was exhausting,backbreaking work. I am not trying to indicate how you are more fortunate as I can only imagine how sad it must be to watch your husband's decline.

I just emphasize that you have the time to do it slowly and those efforts over time may give you a sense of accomplishment. In our cases we had a time frame as both our mothers residences needed to be sold and not with all they had accumulated over their lifetimes. I wish you the best with the slow purging.

I started cleaning out after having to do it for Mom and MIL.

I could clean out a LOT if I didn't have DH. Just gave away some LPs but they were mine. He won't get rid of the cassettes and VHS tapes that are 40yrs old and more. Tell him the tape deteriorates. I hate to get rid of them too but would free up so much space. BOOKS, I have handed down the children books but my husband is a History major and has a wall of bookcases full of books.

I have always cleaned out clothes. Not wearing them after a certain length of time, give away. Odds and ends of dishes, donated to a thrift shop. Sets of dishes, do you have more than you really need? That wedding china? Do u really use it and the silver. You maybe able to sell both to an antique, consignment or estate sale store. I bet there is stuff in your closets that your husband has already forgotten he has. Just box or bag up and put in your car truck when he is napping. When out, drop it off. Every so often go thru your stuff again, and that stuff you thought you could not part with now u can on second thought.

Start a room at a time or a task at a time. I did have my Moms wedding dress and my Aunts maid of honor dress. They were made of Satin and netting from 1950. I gave them to a local Theater to use in plays.

After cleaning out my mother’s house, and then her apartment, I KNOW I don’t want to leave things for my daughters to sort through.

One technique that is use is once a week, I fill up a small or medium bag. Sometimes, I fill the bag with things for the trash. Sometimes, for donations.

I try to remember to do it the same day every week, like “Trash on Tuesdays”, or “Throw it out Thursdays. “

It's probably best to just pluck things out that you no longer use/need as you see them, put them into a bag/box, and donate them as you go. That's what I do. I then dump the bag/box into the back of my car and drop it off at the ARC donation station next to Safeway when I go grocery shopping. I kill two birds with one stone that way. I bring OUT a box of stuff and bring IN a few bags of food! Also, DH won't notice things missing, or see a 'hole' in the decor that way, so it should all work out well for you.

You are wise to plan ahead w/o going too wild getting rid of everything! Suits and formal wear is useless (for our lives, too), so off it goes! :)

I think there's another method that might work as well as those already suggested: "taking inventory", sorting and boxing, but just for "storage" when and if needed. I agree though that clothing, if still used doesn't need to be donated yet.

I'm in the process of going through probably several hundred books, including collections of activities that I may no longer pursue, primarily b/c of time. I'm inventorying them, boxing them and putting them away. The inventories are computerized, so I can search for them quicker than going through boxes.

They're still available (other than the magazines and books, the latter of which will be donated), but they're out of the way.

This is NOT an easy task. I'm literally traveling back through time when I find a stash of photos, or letters when I corresponded with people and military overseas (during the Gulf War) and for a moment in time I'm in another era.

There is one item I don't plan to ever get rid of; it'll be with my dying box. That's Pete Seeger's "thanks for watching my guitar", signed by the man himself when my sister and I attended a Newport folk festival. That' precious to me.

On another issue: estate jobbers: definitely not! The first time I hired someone to clean specific rooms of my father's, one worker failed to tell another worker and a lot of valuable things were thrown out. I had also been advised by a former friend to just give instructions and let the folks work, rather than work with them. Some of those items were in good conditions and could have been sold, since they were tech devices.

I would NEVER under any circumstances do that again. Too much was lost and I remember too often what a stupid mistake I made.

That makes a lot of sense. He'll be 65 in July. Formally diagnosed with unspecified dementia last May. I was seeing changes seven months before that, then the diagnosis put it all into focus. He's not attached to his suits, ties or formal shirts. He's quite content with the polar fleece lounging attire. He wants to stay home as long as possible. I don't know how dementia works when it comes to things that he seems to have no interest in now, will that change? I would never get rid of stuff he'll miss.
What I don't want to do, is to have to get rid of a lot of things that could have been pared down earlier.
Nor am I a modernist, sparse, one item in a room person, there's quite the variety of decor here : )

I think you might be putting the cart before the horse ...
Yes, get rid of items you do not need, we should all do that. Give away items that you no longer want but others do. Sell what you can and donate what no one wants or does not sell.
But do not jump into selling his clothing and other items that he still knows and values.
You do not mention his age or the stage he is in currently but you may have many years of still washing his clothing. (My Husband was diagnosed in his early 60's and I had 12 years of the Dementia Journey.)
If the plan is that you will both move to Assisted Living sooner rather than later then I see the need to downsize a lot of things. But if you plan on staying where you are and keeping him home for as long as possible you still want your house to be your home. That means all the "stuff" that means something to you.