Hello everyone, I'm new here. My mother-in-law is 84 and broke her hip six months ago. Despite going through rehab, she has declined dramatically since then and went from 106 lbs. to 81 lbs. She is about 5' 2". We are caring for her at home and she is in hospice. She has been eating and drinking a little bit this past summer but now for the past week, I've noticed there is almost nothing in her diapers. Sorry if this is TMI but I'm only seeing about a half cup of urine in her diaper every other day. Does anyone here have any insight on how long she can survive like this? Thank you for any help or insight.
I asked him if there was any discussion about putting her in the hospice house or what her prognosis is for life expectancy at this point.
And he said very casually, "No. It's not like her death is imminent or anything. When her time is coming closer, then I'm sure we'll have that discussion."
So I just sat there in stunned silence, because I didn't know how to say to him: "Sweetie. She's 71 POUNDS. What do you mean, 'it's not like her death is imminent or anything'?????"
He has to be in denial. How could you look at a 71 pound woman and make a statement like that?
I am afraid to bring this up with him because I don't want to be the 'bad guy' who tells him that his mother is probably going to die any day now. Yet at the same time I'm worried for him. I don't know if he understands what is happening.
I'm still in shock over how casually he said that, like it was nothing.
I've called the hospice nurse and left a message for her. At the rate I'm going, I'm going to be the one who needs counseling. I feel like I'm losing my marbles!!!!
I don't want to interfere. It's his mother.
What do the hospice workers say about it?
It's awful to keep the watch over her like this. Last night when I tucked her in bed I felt like I needed to say good-bye. I didn't say the words because I didn't want to risk upsetting her, or upsetting my husband if he was within earshot. So I gently stroked her hair and kissed her on the cheek. It hurts my heart to see her like this.
I have a question for you all. Since she is now down to 71 pounds and severely dehydrated, should my well meaning husband be taking her out of bed every day and putting her in the wheelchair to take her to the kitchen to see if she wants a sip of water or a bite of soft food such as pudding? She is so tiny and frail now that I am afraid her bones will break if we keep moving her around. I don't want to upset my husband but he is doing the best he can. If it were up to me we would keep her in bed. But it's not my mom, it's his mom, and I'm trying to respect that he is coping with this the best he can. He says we need to put her in the wheelchair so she doesn't get compression sores, but honestly she is just wasting away to nothing.
She is still strong enough to hold her head up while sitting in the wheelchair. But she just sits there and continues to refuse to eat or drink. He keeps offering something to her in case she says yes and eventually she will take a sip or a bite of something.
Just to recap, she's 71 lbs., she's peeing basically about a half cup per day (except today when there was a little more), and she hasn't had a #2 for over two weeks now. Should we stop getting her out of bed at this point?
My husband also wants me to dress her in a T-shirt and pants every day but I've been telling him I think it is too much for her to go through that. He says he needs her to be wearing pants because it gives him something to hold onto when he pulls her out of bed and puts her in the wheelchair.
I think sticking to the old routine is making him feel better, like he's helping his mom by getting her out of bed. But I'm wondering if I should say something to him about it or ask the hospice nurse to speak with him about it. What do you guys think?
I have a quest
What do the Hospice workers say? They have so much experience with these situations. Can they offer you any estimate of time?
Prayers for you and your family. I'll be thinking of you.
Where was your mom staying before Hospice was called? Was she in a NH or ALF?
My experiences with friend's parent this year was about 5 days, they only gave him gelled water (he would choke on any amount of liquid water). Maybe they called it thickened water. Whatever, was all he tolerated.
She was on death's doorstep when she got out of skilled nursing/rehab following the hip break --- very dehydrated,extremely weak. Couldn't even hold her head up. This summer we pampered her and gave her lots of TLC and she seemed to be doing better. She was eating quite well just a month or so ago.
I have been growing more alarmed over the past week, because about a week ago she just started to shut down and all of a sudden I'm not seeing anything in the diaper.
I have a feeling this is "it," but I'm confused as to how long she could continue to survive like this with only about a half cup of fluids every other day or so.
The odd thing is that she seems more lucid these past several days. Again, this confuses me. I would think that lack of food and water would cause her to sleep. Instead she appears wide awake and almost alert. She looks around the room with her eyes open.
If anyone has any insight or experience with this (elderly dehydration and its effects as the patient approaches death), I would love to hear. Thank you.
So sorry for you. Offer her Popsicles or those frozen pedialyte sticks. Let her eat whatever she feels like, nutrition doesn't matter at his point. Enjoy time together.