I'm dreaming of having Mom and Dad home for Thanksgiving but here's the deal. Mom had a mild stroke, has a very high level of anxiety, she's on the Excelon Parch and Namenda (sp?) with handable mobility problems and very low vision, some incontinence, plus Diabetic. Dad, is a wheelchair bound Stroke and heart attack patient, totally incontinent and requires help with eatting for which he is very dis-agreeable for family members to help with the later 2 issues.
Am I bing unrealistic about trying to bring back a portion of the good ole days? My help is limited, has anyone been here done this?
Mom is not likely to leave Dad and I understand. Of course I could have Thanksgiving Dinner at the NH, but the dreamer in me would love to have them home together just one more time.
Thank you all for your help.
I am not speaking from direct experience but I know that even my dream of having a holiday event with all my sisters and brothers and their families. like we used to do, is unrealistic. Families grow; none of our homes would hold us all. Some have moved away. New family members mean new in-laws and schedule conflicts. I have my memories of earlier times, and am learning to cherish new holiday experiences.
Your situation just doesn't sound like a Norman Rockwell moment, you know? Mom's anxiety would probably be high, Dad would be unhappy about needing family help with eating and toileting -- it is bad enough when professionals to it, and you, tired from all the preparations, would be facing difficult caregiving.
Could you bring a little of your traditional TG meal to the NH? The gravy boat you broke when you were 8, Dad mended with super glue, and you've been using ever since? A special centerpiece? Placemats that Aunt Lucy gave you the year she visited? Or do you have a special recipe? Let the NH prepare the meal, but bring the cranberry rhubard sauce you have every year or your own special pumpkin pie.
Are there any other holiday traditions you could modify and re-enact? Or new traditions that would fit the new circumstances? Could you take each parent out, briefly and separately, to shop for a gift for the other one?
I don't know. It is heartbreaking, but your purpose it to create a memory for yourself and pleasure for your parents, and it just doesn't sound like Thanksgiving at your home is going to do that.
Maybe others have done this and will give you tips on how to make it work.
Take care of yourself, too.
Carol