I'm 26, and she has Lupus/Fibro and deaf and only gets $730/mo from SS. She is abusive and has lived with my for the past 7 years, off and on. I'm only 26 and this can't keep happening. I lost my job because I was too busy taking care of her. She had to move into my apartment when I was in college. She is really hurting my life, and I need to find her a place, but she only gets $730 a month, and I'm currently unemployed. I can't do this anymore.
I'm losing it. The stress is going to kill me.
The only difference is my mom is currently living in a tiny leased apartment and begs and cries everyday for me to take care of her and to let her move in with me.
The guilt is overwhelming! But I feel she is also manipulative. I try and do everything I can...take her shopping, give her money when I can, drive her everywhere, and this is still not enough. Unfortunately, I will not let her live with me because of her substance abuse problems which she is denial about.
One option may be a long term care home. I know they are big bucks, but I am also willing to work around the clock to help pay for it, and let the retirement/assisted living home take her cheque for the balance. Also, I do not think it is fair that I should have to constantly fork over money for her, but perhaps that will ease the guilty feeling?
Would your Mom be ok in a room rental with the occasional psw visit? Or perhaps you could find a 2 bedroom, and offer free room and board to a qualified psw/nursing student?
My prayers are with you!
It helps knowing that I'm not alone in this battle.
Our mom's could be twins. My mom is also very manipulative, and can be quite abusive. I'm young and feel I deserve a life, but the stress in dealing with her is exhausting. Nothing is ever good enough for her.
I lost a job because I couldn't balance taking care of her and work. So I'm out of work, and need to find financial assistance. I can't let her live with me. She did it to me during college, then after college and now again? I can't, and I'm just so sad that this is my life. I see all my other friends have such great lives, and mine is such a mess because of her.
It may be best to part ways with her, if she doesn't want/can't help herself. A call to her disabilty worker/social worker may help. Perhaps they could find her emergency accomodations if you expain the situation.
Also, if you don't care of yourself first, how can you take care of others?
At the bottom home page, there's a quick link "New to Caregiving." Click on it and see if there's anything that can help you maintain a semblance -- or stay connected to -- what your life used to be. Caregiving will teach you life skills such as time management, working under pressure -- all the time -- and hoping not to lose all your marbles, responsibility, self-accountability, empathy, compassion, courage and conviction to set boundaries and enforce them without trampling on anyone, and how to regenerate the passion that caring for someone else requires when things get so out of hand you begin to contemplate self-destructive behaviors just to feel better ... and alive again.
It's not going to be easy, but we're here for you. Holler if you need me.
-- Ed
There are other options for taking care of our loved ones that do not cause for us to do it one on one. Look into these options and opt to care for yourself as well as getting care for your mom.
come back and let us know how you progress, we are with you.