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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Are you able to place her in a facility? Do you have a POA? Any siblings? It sounds like she's incompetent and a danger to herself and to you and your family.
Why are you calling 911?
Call the attorneys yourself and tell them what's up and to not take her calls.
Meds meds meds and you have to hand them out...she cannot take them herself.
My mother was the queen nightmare when I first had to intervene in her life 5+ years ago. It was heartbreaking, gross, and stressful beyond anything I have ever experienced. I was amazed.
I didn't realize what dementia was at first. Even after expert diagnoses, witnessing my mom's behavior and my research verifying the diagnoses and my observations, It tood a doctor who, after I complained about mom's behavior, snapped at me: She's demented. What do you expect?
That was a moment because I replayed it over and over in my mind and that was the beginning of my understanding that my mother's 'noise' no longer mattered, nothing mattered except figuring out the best way to diagnose and bring under control the situation. I love my mom very much or I wouldn't be able to do this, but it took a lot of tough love to get her to where she was content and happy and not stressing us all out. We do get grossed out on a regular basis, but that's another topic.
My mom was toxic with her acting out and threatening, for almost 2 years, calling her friends (who were stupid enough to believe her) and telling them how I was 'taking over' and 'making it worse' Adult Services actually came over. It ended up scaring her more than it did me. I was of the opinion that if someone else wanted to take care of this witch with her nasty personality maybe it would be for the best and I had to let mom know it. Mom didn't want a state retirement and calmed down.
The Adult Services person sized up the situation quickly and realized that mom was acting out and after a very short time, left. I took that opportunity to become very proactive and NOT let mom do whatever she wanted. I told her to her face many times that if she didn't want to go to a facility she was going to have to be pleasant to live with. Period. She was out of her mind and it didn't happen overnight but she did become pleasant to be with and I am thankful.
What meds is your mom on? It's fear based dementia behavior! When we started my mom on Namenda the change in her was immediate. She mellowed considerably with only sporadic outbursts and these days has no outbursts at all except for sticking her lip out and making a puss every now and again.
the dementia has progressed and mom has other issues such as getting to the head on time and making sure I feed her 7 times a day. I swear she has a hollow leg. Those little applesauce cups and yogurt cups, pudding, you name it come in real handy. I used food to calm mom down in the beginning and now I just had her little things like the above throughout the course fo the day. It makes her feel safe and loved.
Your mom thinks the world is evil because she's demented. My mom went through the evil phase. Anything you do you have to remember: she's DEMENTED so she's going to do demented things. It's not going to make sense so you do what you have to do to make it make sense for you and your family. Our moms think that we are only here for them but that was another thing I kept saying to my mom is that this is NOT just about you. It's affecting all of us and I have to make decisions based on all of us.
Good luck and we hope you get control of the situation.
This site is full of people who have experienced everything so you will get a lot of info.
You most likely reported her behaivior to her MD if nothing else could take her to an ER to get her assesd or maybe even call the police because she is threatening your family if she acts like this with EMT's they would take her to a physh department and it would be out of your hands it sounds like she needs serious help -please continue on this site there are so many caring supportive people here who want to help you.
Mom is actually my mother-in-law. For many years I thought she was just very stubborn and yet had a big heart. there is a history of bipolar but she has not been diagnosed I dont think. We are just now starting to find out what is wrong with her. We have been talking to doctors etc. She is depressed, suffers anxiety, and is extreme OCD. Today we found out that to complicate things she is not capable of learning new things because of low intelligence. I am so distraught, I love her, I want to take care of her but she truly hurting my children because everything is a fight, she is unable to make decisions and when she does make one she changes her mind multiple times and calls people over and over again trying to find out "something". The other side of her is so sweet and innocent but when she attacks it is hard to take. I am 37 and I think there is alot of years ahead. She doesnt want us "butting" in on her care and she seems unable to understand that we cant just pay for everything. I dont let her pay for much except her basic needs because she forgets she spent the money. We have no idea where her moeny is and dont want to know but then again I want her to have the things she needs but she obbsessed with storing things for the end of the world and wants another storage building to store water in and more food, cat litter and cat food. She doesnt do much socially except talk on the phone and go to the store multiple times buying enough food to feed a small town for a couple of years. When we tell her no to something she gets angry then says we are fighting with her and eventaully her cat gets sick and its my fault almost always and she spends thousands and thousands to save the cat. Very difficult.
Thank you for reading, I am moving towards depression myself and my 15 year old is so upset all the time that we are going to start counseling. She seems to resent me and the kids. Any suggestions would be appreciated. I want to help her and I dont want to see her in a nursing home but it is very difficult.
good for you. You now see how these folks can manipulate the socks off of us.
I have a Power of Attorney for my mom. About a year into it I found a older lady attorney whe explained it so well to mom. It was an emotional moment and we all cried.
I've seen some great suggestions here. Protect yourself and your children.
This aint the movies and that deathbed promise you made to your father in law could be forgiven you know. He knew she was a nightmare and I'm sure deep down would not want his son, wife and grandchildren suffer through this.
I will tell you this. I love my mom like I said but if I had this to do again and I knew how hard it was going to be (5+ years) and how much of my health I would lose over this, I would have placed my mom a long time ago for the good of both of us.
Now we are on the other side of a lot of heartbreak and hard work. We both have our routine and we are calm and it's not so bad because the dementia has taken the broken personality away and what is left is a sweet lady.
While you're waiting for everything to start happening, get locks for your bedroom doors. And some duct tape if it gets too out of hand!!
I am so sorry you are going through this. You truly seem to care about everyone involved. I am very concerned about your children. The Dept. of Family and Children Services might become involved if someone at school feels that your children are in danger.Almost all states have a law that requires teachers to report any type of domestic violence or potential violence in the home. As a teacher, I would have to report any story I heard from a child that involved some of the situations you have described.Toxic grandparents are a serious problem for children and can leave emotional issues with your children. If you have to make a decision about what to do in this situation, just try to remember that your children are your first priority. Medication could make an enormous difference with your mom. Try to explore this option today, if you can, even if you have to go to the ER. Ask for hospitalization until the meds are working for your mother-in-law.Start telling doctors about what you are telling us. They are mandated to help you. I understand the type of promise you made to your father-in-law. I made the same promise to my father. Try to keep in mind that looking after someone means helping them to feel as well as they can and as happy as they can under the circumstances. You are already loving her and that is the most important issue. You are in my prayers.
When your BF bought the house, did he pay a fair market price for it? What kind of arrangement was the sale?
If you own the house, you make the rules. Mom is a boarder or a guest in your house. If she feels you are being unfair or abusive, she is free to move, right?
I think you should take the threats of reporting you for abuse seriously. If she does that, even if it isn't true, it can turn your lives upside down for a long time.
What about selling the house back to her and leaving? (After helping her find some other sources of care.)
Maybe your husband -her son has to be the one to get help for her it sounds like she has you all in a very bad situation -could you and your daughter go and stay with someone-family or friends and let her son do something so you do not have to live in fear the way you are now-I am really worried about you and your child-your husband probably can take care of himself but you need to protect yourself and your child esp. since your husband does not seem to be in any hurry to do it or he would have before things got so out of hand.
I don't understand why promising someone before they die that they will 'take care' of someone, seems to always mean that they have to be taken care of in the persons home. I think to 'take care' of someone should mean just that, that they are being taken care of, either at home, nursing home, asst living, foster care whatever. period.
Time to care for your MIL from a distance - out of your home. Lots of good advice from folks hope you can follow through. Your first and most important job is to protect your children. Good Luck
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Do you have a POA? Any siblings? It sounds like she's incompetent and a danger to herself and to you and your family.
Why are you calling 911?
Call the attorneys yourself and tell them what's up and to not take her calls.
Meds meds meds and you have to hand them out...she cannot take them herself.
My mother was the queen nightmare when I first had to intervene in her life 5+ years ago. It was heartbreaking, gross, and stressful beyond anything I have ever experienced. I was amazed.
I didn't realize what dementia was at first. Even after expert diagnoses, witnessing my mom's behavior and my research verifying the diagnoses and my observations, It tood a doctor who, after I complained about mom's behavior, snapped at me: She's demented. What do you expect?
That was a moment because I replayed it over and over in my mind and that was the beginning of my understanding that my mother's 'noise' no longer mattered, nothing mattered except figuring out the best way to diagnose and bring under control the situation. I love my mom very much or I wouldn't be able to do this, but it took a lot of tough love to get her to where she was content and happy and not stressing us all out. We do get grossed out on a regular basis, but that's another topic.
My mom was toxic with her acting out and threatening, for almost 2 years, calling her friends (who were stupid enough to believe her) and telling them how I was 'taking over' and 'making it worse' Adult Services actually came over. It ended up scaring her more than it did me. I was of the opinion that if someone else wanted to take care of this witch with her nasty personality maybe it would be for the best and I had to let mom know it. Mom didn't want a state retirement and calmed down.
The Adult Services person sized up the situation quickly and realized that mom was acting out and after a very short time, left. I took that opportunity to become very proactive and NOT let mom do whatever she wanted. I told her to her face many times that if she didn't want to go to a facility she was going to have to be pleasant to live with. Period. She was out of her mind and it didn't happen overnight but she did become pleasant to be with and I am thankful.
What meds is your mom on? It's fear based dementia behavior! When we started my mom on Namenda the change in her was immediate. She mellowed considerably with only sporadic outbursts and these days has no outbursts at all except for sticking her lip out and making a puss every now and again.
the dementia has progressed and mom has other issues such as getting to the head on time and making sure I feed her 7 times a day. I swear she has a hollow leg. Those little applesauce cups and yogurt cups, pudding, you name it come in real handy. I used food to calm mom down in the beginning and now I just had her little things like the above throughout the course fo the day. It makes her feel safe and loved.
Your mom thinks the world is evil because she's demented. My mom went through the evil phase. Anything you do you have to remember: she's DEMENTED so she's going to do demented things. It's not going to make sense so you do what you have to do to make it make sense for you and your family. Our moms think that we are only here for them but that was another thing I kept saying to my mom is that this is NOT just about you. It's affecting all of us and I have to make decisions based on all of us.
Good luck and we hope you get control of the situation.
This site is full of people who have experienced everything so you will get a lot of info.
you can do this,
Bobbie
Thank you for reading, I am moving towards depression myself and my 15 year old is so upset all the time that we are going to start counseling. She seems to resent me and the kids. Any suggestions would be appreciated. I want to help her and I dont want to see her in a nursing home but it is very difficult.
good for you. You now see how these folks can manipulate the socks off of us.
I have a Power of Attorney for my mom. About a year into it I found a older lady attorney whe explained it so well to mom. It was an emotional moment and we all cried.
I've seen some great suggestions here. Protect yourself and your children.
This aint the movies and that deathbed promise you made to your father in law could be forgiven you know. He knew she was a nightmare and I'm sure deep down would not want his son, wife and grandchildren suffer through this.
I will tell you this. I love my mom like I said but if I had this to do again and I knew how hard it was going to be (5+ years) and how much of my health I would lose over this, I would have placed my mom a long time ago for the good of both of us.
Now we are on the other side of a lot of heartbreak and hard work. We both have our routine and we are calm and it's not so bad because the dementia has taken the broken personality away and what is left is a sweet lady.
While you're waiting for everything to start happening, get locks for your bedroom doors. And some duct tape if it gets too out of hand!!
Kidding.....
Hang in there.
Bobbie
Try to explore this option today, if you can, even if you have to go to the ER. Ask for hospitalization until the meds are working for your mother-in-law.Start telling doctors about what you are telling us. They are mandated to help you. I understand the type of promise you made to your father-in-law. I made the same promise to my father. Try to keep in mind that looking after someone means helping them to feel as well as they can and as happy as they can under the circumstances. You are already loving her and that is the most important issue. You are in my prayers.
If you own the house, you make the rules. Mom is a boarder or a guest in your house. If she feels you are being unfair or abusive, she is free to move, right?
I think you should take the threats of reporting you for abuse seriously. If she does that, even if it isn't true, it can turn your lives upside down for a long time.
What about selling the house back to her and leaving? (After helping her find some other sources of care.)
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