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Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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My Dad used to say "If you 'think' you know the answer, then you didn't understand the question." I inferred the lady in question might be a danger to herself and therefore shouldn't be living alone. I'd have a friendly chat with her to find out her reasons. Perhaps she doesn't see the need, or perhaps the idea of giving up her independence is making her fight until the bitter end.
Any way you look at it, she has a right to self-determination, to make her own decisions, and to fail. This scrappy Lady might not see the light right now, but she'll eventually feel the heat. For now, I suggest you don't do anything alienate her further and keep the avenues of communication open. She'll reach out.
My 93 yr old mother has some Dementia. Needs no assistance to get around, but refuses to wear Depends and is constantly soiling herself and the carpet. I do NOT argue with her but gently talk with her and still she gets defiant. I choose my words and sentences very carefully, but nothing seems to help. She thinks she is capable of EVERYTHING.. She can't remember how to cook, make simple tea/coffee/ cannot remember if she took her meds or not and will take them 3 or 4 times a day. I have taken control of her meds to see that they are administered once a day. She refuses to take baths and every nice suggestion is met with defiance and resistance. If I try and have a nice conversation, she turns it into something that's crazy and declares I am making up stories, etc, etc. She refuses to go to the doctor, the dentist, her eye doctor and refuses to go outside her own house. She refuses, refuses, refuses almost everything. She can't watch TV because can't operate any type of remote. She won't wear her hearing aids, and hates if anyone tries to visit her. To other people she puts on a good face and acts really nice. I have 2 Caretakers that come in 3-4 hours a day to cook and clean for her. She does not like them either. She hates to hear any type of music and won't allow anything to be thrown away. Has to be done on the sly and she never misses it. When my brother & sister-in-law were here to help, we all tried to gently and the sweetest way possible to talk to her about getting wonderful help and living in a smaller Assisted Living Place. She blew her stack and announced she was perfectly capable of taking care of herself!!!! Told us all she could cook and clean for herself and drive herself to the store, etc, etc, etc. She can't do any of that and hasn't for the last 6 mos. Any suggestions now?
Katy, First, congratulations on all you've accomplished. Dementia is so very challenging to work with and it appears you've had some successes. You've made sure Mom has food prepared for her and her house kept reasonably clean, in spite of her objections. You've taken over the meds, even though Mom "knows" she can do it herself. Those are no small things.
It must be so frustrating not be be able to improve the quality of her life because of her refusals.
Maybe the incontinence is the next battle to choose, just as you chose the medicines to tackle. What if she went to her underwear drawer and the only things in it were the best looking panty-style incontinent briefs you can find?
If she won't bathe, will she allow the use of the products for bed-baths?
You must be at your wits end. I've had a little taste of this with my husband's dementia, but nothing like you are dealing with. Do you think ALF would be suitable for her? It kind of sounds like she might need a memory care unit. Not that getting her into one would be any easier than getting her into the other.
I don't have any magic answers, but I sure am sending best wishes your way.
I can empathise with your situation since my father-in-law was very similar. He refused any help, locked the door and wouldnt let care givers in, refused meals on wheels, would drink from dawk til dusk, fry french fries and fell asleep setting fire to the kitchen cabinets twice. He was also manipulative and told neighbours that we never visited him just a few hours after we'd left. We asked him multiple times to come live near us and provided him with an apartment free of charge. He agreed then at the last minute insisted on flying to his New Jersey summer home even though he couldnt walk. As he was wheeled onto the plane I saw him throw out the sandwiches I had made him for the trip and when his friends picked him up at the other end, he complained he was cold and hungry and he soiled himself in their car. For the next 3 days, he didnt eat or bathe but would just drink whiskey all day and we had to endure calls from his neighbours asking how could we have let him fly to New Jersey. How could we have stopped him? He was determined and bloody minded. Anyway, long story short, his friends/drinking buddies (who now hate us) took him to the hospital for dehydration, after a few days he went into rehab, and after that we were able to move him into a nursing home. Maybe the transition from hospital to rehab to nursing home might be an idea for your mother. Good luck and remember to try and keep a sense of humour if you can.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Is this your mother? What here impairments? What is it she refuses to believe? What would you like to see happen?
Provide a little bit more information, please, so we can help you.
My Dad used to say "If you 'think' you know the answer, then you didn't understand the question." I inferred the lady in question might be a danger to herself and therefore shouldn't be living alone. I'd have a friendly chat with her to find out her reasons. Perhaps she doesn't see the need, or perhaps the idea of giving up her independence is making her fight until the bitter end.
Any way you look at it, she has a right to self-determination, to make her own decisions, and to fail. This scrappy Lady might not see the light right now, but she'll eventually feel the heat. For now, I suggest you don't do anything alienate her further and keep the avenues of communication open. She'll reach out.
She refuses to go to the doctor, the dentist, her eye doctor and refuses to go outside her own house. She refuses, refuses, refuses almost everything. She can't watch TV because can't operate any type of remote. She won't wear her hearing aids, and hates if anyone tries to visit her. To other people she puts on a good face and acts really nice. I have 2 Caretakers that come in 3-4 hours a day to cook and clean for her. She does not like them either. She hates to hear any type of music and won't allow anything to be thrown away. Has to be done on the sly and she never misses it.
When my brother & sister-in-law were here to help, we all tried to gently and the sweetest way possible to talk to her about getting wonderful help and living in a smaller Assisted Living Place. She blew her stack and announced she was perfectly capable of taking care of herself!!!! Told us all she could cook and clean for herself and drive herself to the store, etc, etc, etc. She can't do any of that and hasn't for the last 6 mos. Any suggestions now?
I'm sorry for trying to help.
First, congratulations on all you've accomplished. Dementia is so very challenging to work with and it appears you've had some successes. You've made sure Mom has food prepared for her and her house kept reasonably clean, in spite of her objections. You've taken over the meds, even though Mom "knows" she can do it herself. Those are no small things.
It must be so frustrating not be be able to improve the quality of her life because of her refusals.
Maybe the incontinence is the next battle to choose, just as you chose the medicines to tackle. What if she went to her underwear drawer and the only things in it were the best looking panty-style incontinent briefs you can find?
If she won't bathe, will she allow the use of the products for bed-baths?
You must be at your wits end. I've had a little taste of this with my husband's dementia, but nothing like you are dealing with. Do you think ALF would be suitable for her? It kind of sounds like she might need a memory care unit. Not that getting her into one would be any easier than getting her into the other.
I don't have any magic answers, but I sure am sending best wishes your way.