My mother moved in with me and my two children, 5 & 7, about two years ago and it has turned into hell. She acts as if my 5 yr old son is actually hers. He as become very beligerent to me and my 7 yr old daughter. He does not behave at the dinner table. He throws food, kicks people from under the table, gets up, etc. If I try to discipline him, my mother gets upset and tries to feed him like a baby. If I put him on time-out, he will first tell me no and that he only obeys Grandma. If I do manage to get him to sit down, she will run to him as soon as I turn my back. My boyfriend (their father) moved out shortly after she moved in because of the drama involved and the fact that she went off on him for also trying to discipline my son. If I try to help them with their homework, she gets upset like I am moving in on her turf. If I am in their room reading a book to them at bedtime, she will try to lure them out to her room. She talks and treats me like I am stupid and can't do anything. My mother and I have never gotten along and she left my father when I was 14. I moved her into my house from my sister's as they were taking all of her money and charging up her credit cards. My other sister out of town truly believes that I abuse her and both of my children. As she takes the kids to school and picks them up, I value her help as I cannot afford after-school care. However, this isn't worth it anymore. What do I do??
You've put up with this for two years? The children's father moved out because of this? It is time to start undoing the damage already done.
Carol
Sending hugs! Marilyn
When Dementia or Alzheimers enters the picture, it is as if you have another child to take care.
Remember that if this is Dementia,there is no clear cut stages so you don't know when she could wander or be a danger to herself or others.
Talk to you children about Grandma and what you think is happening, get the assessment done. Don't be guilty if you have to place her in an assisted living facility. It is nice because they make relationships there and don't depend on you24/7. My mother in law had to see me all the time and I didn't have a minute to myself. Maybe you could find someone(family or church) to sit with you mom for a night and you and the kids could go off and even stay with someone so you had some time with them and could think things through. If you are in PA, I would be happy to help you. Just know that you are not alone....God Bless Sherri
If there's one thing caring for my MIL has demonstrated for me it is that the patterns of interaction don't improve greatly with age. If anything, the elders seem to become more deeply entrenched in what they think and want and in the belief that they are absolutely right. Does anybody else remember the line from "Space Cowboys," "Old age just brings out more of the Frank in you, Frank!"? My point is that there may be NOTHING you can do to get your mom to acknowledge the fact that it is your home, they are your children, and how you discipline them is your perogative. If she will not listen and respond to a reasonable, straightforward, rational and firm request from you, then you must make a difficult decision. The mother bear in me says that you must care for your children's well being first.
You are in a tough spot, but I say stick to your guns! From my chair it appears that whatever she may be contributing financially doesn't seem worth the price you and your children are paying.