What is it with women in their 80's & 90's who will keep food in the refrigerator till it's unrecognizable?

My mom is 90 and has been doing this quite some time and my father did same. It's gross, unhealthy and unless you live with them you can't stop it...

Yes, depression era is part of it.

The other part is that they don't recognize use by dates (or can't read them), elders lose their sense of smell and taste and don't recognize off flavor sort smells. They lose sense of time, so don't realize how old something is and that it's no longer safe to consume.

Lastly, they don't seem to get sick like we do from eating bad or spoiled food. My parents prepared some pretty lousy stuff I would discover and I'd get sick from eating at their house the last several yrs but they were perfectly fine or just slight bout of diarrhea. They're bodies have some immunity over the years that we don't because most of us are overly sanitary with our hand washing, dish washing, cleaning etc.

My mom is awful and I won't consume anything or drink out of a glass unless I bring it or wash it myself. Sad but true.

I clean out refrigerator amid constant protest from her and have to haul away in my trunk and throw away somewhere else as I've caught her digging stuff out of the trash and putting back!

Recently visited and her refrigerator was broken and had been for weeks...swollen OJ and milk containers, green cheese and lunch meat. Refrig was 70 degrees and she'd still been consuming from it. But said she hadn't been sick. Crazy. But hard to break this cycle when they live and manage on their own.

When I go grocery shopping for Mom, and I'm bringing the groceries in from the car, I have to be very careful, because Mom likes to "help" put the groceries away. Unfortunately, I've sometimes found the pork chops in the refrigerator buried under other things 2 weeks later and had to throw them out. She thought we could still use them because they were still in the original packaging and had been refrigerated - NOT!

Since then I've made sure to go through and check that all the freezer stuff was actually put in the freezer, the refrigerator stuff in the refrigerator, and the pantry stuff in the pantry. Life is so much easier that way :)

These posts are a great & funny read!

Alot of this is depression-era stubbornness. But I suspect dementia is at play too.

They look at mystery meat and think, OK this I will cook tomorrow night and it moves a bit on the shelf. Then mañana, it's OK this still looks good and I'll fix it later on....and moves a bit on the shelf. Then it's 3 weeks later and slimy. they cannot remember and cannot process what they need to do with the foodstuffs as they have dementia on top of depression era mindset.

The last couple of years my mom was in her house, she started having GI issues. Almost all due to eating bad food. Between meals on wheels and take home from the senior centers, the frig was full of food of unknown date & origin. Whenever we came to visit always a full garbage bag of crap thrown out our first day of visit. She of course protested but ignored and would be rewarded with a nice trip to the deli. She moved to IL so no more GI problems.

ANother thing she would do was extensive grocery lists of stuff about to expire. There would be a line-up of condiments, jelly and canned tuna & chicken in the pantry with the about to expire or expired in the front but would not get rid of it. She would put a rubberband with a post it saying NEXT on it but not use it. It is all part of the dementia that they cannot process a thought or action out. Once she got on Exelon patch for her dementia most of this stuff stopped being a problem as now she was totally aboard throwing away or using up as it made full sense to her.

Really have them evaluated for dementia and then onto medications if need be.

I do think it has something to do with the Depression as well. There was so much deprivation and she came from a family of 10. A lot of mouths to feed on next to nothing. So, the Depression left a big impression of that generation. Our generation has never been without like that.

I clean for my MIL when hubby takes his mom to the doctor (which is fairly often) or when she has a hospital stay. She NEVER thanks me for organizing her pantry and tossing 7 year old canned goods or cleaning her freezer and tossing foil wrapped packets whose contents are completely encased in frost and unrecognizable, or the 'unsealed' hot dog packages that have been dehydrated by the fridge into shriveled sticks - or tossing shriveled carrots, slimy lettuce, onions that have long sprouts or food that has mold completely hiding what is beneath it.

And this is how we know she needs our help even when she says she does not. In her prime - she would never have allowed her refrigerator or freezer to get into this condition. Although, she has always hidden things inside aluminum foil!! What is wrong with Saran???

She HAS, though, accused me of throwing away 'precious mementos' - things that had belonged to her dear mother and favorite sister! I have never tossed any of her personal belongings. ONLY old foods. And, never a thank you. But at least I know she won't be trying to get my husband to eat something made from 7 year old canned goods. (I just cannot eat anything she wants to share with us anymore).

She used to be a very good cook - but now that she is older and not able to stand for any length of time - she takes a lot of short cuts and - well - things just don't turn out as well when you are sitting in the recliner instead of standing over the stove :0( Not totally her fault. She just can't do it anymore.
But she eats some strange things sometimes.

For the most part she has stopped any actual cooking. Thankfully, she has accepted Meals on Wheels 3x a week and we keep her favorite Lean Cuisine's in the freezer. I make chili and stews and she has meal sized containers of that in the freezer. I leave breakfast on her counter with a post-it note telling her how many seconds to use to warm it in the microwave. (She sleeps later than we do). She is always happy to eat crackers - THAT IS A WHOLE OTHER STORY :0)

The same problem exists with Mother. Grandmother was the ONLY one that 'canned goods' and she has been gone for twenty-five(25) plus years. Yet when we were "called into service" from the Senior Protective Services, to say I was in shock would be an understatement. It took nine(9) days @ ten(10) hour average to clear ALL of the unless items. That included clothes, shoes, meds, papers & yes FOOD stores. I have been 'given' the responsibility by siblings to maintain a level of stores, even though two hundred and sixty-eight(268) miles are between Mother and I.
Having read some current articles on 'canned goods' tells me we many have been overly concerned, however, it's done. The groceries needed are all there are purchased, regardless of Mother's 'I like that' or 'That looks good, I'll get that.' Which I would not have a concern with other than she forgets it was purchased, or takes some only to decide 'It doesn't taste good.'
Yeah, there are moments of 'Why are you so mean, I never treated you like that.' It's not been easy, nor will it become so. I have tried to change my mind set, though it doesn't work at all times. IF, when, groceries are needed, a list is prepared (with little if any of Mother's input) ad strictly adhered to. On the occasion that Mother accompanies the trip, she is told that 'When the other items you wanted are depleted then we can get this, not until.' Again comes the 'Why are you so mean?'
Though times were different while Mother was a child (born 1936), it's not so much different today if we think about it, is it? This is understood by some, yet can't be validated by one with Dementia.
So in answering your question, yes been there, done that......STILL doing it.

I think there are two causes of this type of "hoarding" by the elderly. My mom was born during "The Great Depression". EVERYTHING was very hard to come by, so they saved and re-used everything. 25lb cloth flour sacks became dresses. Moldy cheese, had the moldy pieces cut off and continued being used. If your shoes still fit, but got holes in them, they got stuffed with newspaper or cardboard and you kept on wearing them.

That's just the way it was. Nothing went to waste, they just couldn't afford it. Some of the reduce, re-use, recycle, ideas they have are not so bad. Now, I won't split my 2-ply papertowels or toilet paper, but I do re-use lidded plastic food containers. Why not re-use a cream cheese tub for leftovers? You have it, it doesn't cost extra, it's the perfect size for many leftovers, the lids fit different types of the same containers, and when it warps in the microwave or dishwasher, you don't feel bad about putting it in the recycle bin.

The second cause of this hoarding goes along with the first. It's part of their disease process. The time period in which they grew up is very strongly imprinted on their memory, therefore, it is what they go back to in order to make sense of their world now that they're losing parts of it. That's why you see, Mom who puts every piece of paper she can get her hands on in her bra, and then in her dresser drawers. Or why you see Dad save every tin can, or scrap of aluminium foil in the shed. Or why they hang on to every piece of food.

My advice to everyone: pick your battles and just wait until mom is taking a nap to clean out the fridge... :)

They lived through the Depression, for one thing.

Thanks for the laugh re the toilet paper system - loved the advanced degree part. I keep telling my family there is no toilet paper fairy or paper towel fairy or cleaning fairy ... well, you get the gist. Wishing all a happy day!

My mother wastes food so she can lure stray cats, coons, possums, sparrows and now a skunk. to her patio....

My motto: It's easier to throw it out than it is to throw it up!

Better to laugh than cry when you can! Hugs.

Thanks, vstefans, I needed a laugh after today, and while I do not mean to make lite of your situation, it did give me a little laugh. Thank you.

Main stash of toilet paper in linen closet. Smaller stash in each bathroom. Bathroom stash gets low, replenish from closet; closet gets low go buy some more. In my house I am apparently the only one with an advanced enough degree to actually replace a roll of toilet paper on the dispenser, or relocate rolls from closet to bathroom, so I pretty much stay on top of this.

What a hoot this topic has been! Now it makes me thankful Mom (93) does nothing for herself re food prep and just sits at the table lamenting about being "a poor host". :)

OK, vtsefans, you now have me curious ... just what the heck is your "toilet paper system"? LOL

Wow! I read these comments and it is my parents all over! They are 90 and lived through the depression. They also raised a big passle of kids on one salary, so they hate to throw anything out, especially food. I go through the fridge and try to figure out what the "mystery meat" is. They have mice in the house, and I find mouse droppings all over the place. They leave fruit in a bowl on the dining room table, and I see little bites taken out of every piece, with droppings on the table and in the bowl. But when I throw out the fruit I get yelled at because my dad said the mice didn't eat very much... ICK!!!!!

Since getting yelled at and having to watch them pout seems to be the only punishment for my cleaning transgressions, I throw caution to the winds and throw out old dead food, bags full of junk mail that they haven't read yet, fruit that the mice have pre-tasted, junk in the pantry that is years past the sell-by date, and any spices in the cupboard that are old enough to have layers of grime on them.

Periodically, after they've gone to bed, I start cleaning out other stuff in the house that nobody is EVER going to use again. The place is a fire hazard, so the large things go first. I figure two people who can barely walk will NEVER use an old treadmill that doesn't work. I just told them I put it in the basement. They'll never know...

I read many of the comments and am glad to see I'm not alone in this battle. I had this issue yesterday with mom over the Lactaid milk that has been in fridge. She had me smell it n it was rank to me..but she then said: "Keep it, I'll make white sauce out of it. The heat will destroy any bad bacteria...". I need to get to store to get a fresh container and dump the one in fridge now.

And I also have found a large collection of store bought plastic containers such as those from cottage cheese, cream cheese, butters, in bags and in a kitchen cabinet. She will even wash out and save the plastic clear bakery containers that maple rolls and pastries come in because they are good enough to use again. Yet ..all I ever find it a 'collection' of them. I tried tossing a bunch out once...Got screamed at by her for doing that cause we can use them.

Yet, I have the Glad and Rubbermaid containers that are made specifically for such storage issues and she won't use them. WHY? she claims the lids are too hard to open or are a waste to buy cause we can reuse the ones we get from the foods. She saves bread bags and opened soup cans and jars as well. I don't mind that, they come in handy for food scraps so that the garbage pails don't stink of rotting food all week long. She rinsed cans/jars out before packing them with scraps.

I cringe at mom reusing paper towels. UGH. and she has a grand place to 'hang' them...ON THE KITCHEN GARBAGE PAIL!!!!!!!! I mean seriously? I've yelled at her about it and it still goes on. I've tried tossing them but each time i toss one or ten...20 more show up either neatly hung over the garbage pail or placed inside the dish strainer inside the sink!!!!!!!!!

And Kleenex? you should see her clothing pockets and her bed and the living room couch. She carries wads of that stuff around with her.

Also..canned foods...the kind that people can themselves. There were small jars of pickles and mild pepper rings in the fridge.. opened and still had some in it...i didn't know right away how long they'd been in there so i ate some from each..but each time i did I noticed something odd about my internal 'feel goodness'. I felt crappy, gassy. So one day I had that convo with mom about those very jars. She said they are at least a year old ...maybe more..she swears she canned last year but i know for fact she did not. Anyway...she continued to state that it's just sugar and vinegar and pickling spice...it'll last longer than the store bought stuff. Somehow, I doubt that. So on grocery day i bought small jars of mild pepper rings and pickles. opened them and put them in fridge...and instead of all at once dumping the other year or older jars I slowly removed the food a serving at a time so that she'd think I was eating out of those jars. But I would toss the servings into the garbage. She was non the wiser this week as I did that. I found that it can be best to do a slow disposal of 'rotting foods in the fridge' than to dump it all in one fell swoop and catch hell for tossing out something that was still 'edible' according to her depression era standards.

And garbage night drives me batty cause she does not have a trash container to wheel out to the curb. Just takes the trash bag out. Then complains that cats n coons get into it and tear it open and the food goes all over the place in front of her yard. She came up with a solution years ago...taking newspaper and placing it around the inside side of the bag so that it deters the animals from tearing into the bags. While this may help...I don't see why she just won't approve me to get her a trash can...except for the fact she feels it is not fashionable for her house to have them on the side of her house. She says they make houses look trashy, junky. However, since I now live with her (due to a health change in her) I am thinking of getting a trash container since I am now the one who takes care of the trash.

LOL, glad to know we are not the only ones with this issue! Mom would open the refrigerator to make lunch and then did not want to reopen it after lunch to put back what ever was left over as she would be reopening it for dinner in just a few hours. Plus all the saving of stuff. Now that she is in a NH, Dad just saves stuff way way too long. My sis and I will just not eat there ever! And then he wonders why he has the runs or is throwing up!
I am a very frugal housekeeper and try to cook just what we will eat though we do eat left overs happily from time to time. NOTHING is wasted here as I feed a few stray animals and have a wonderful compost heap and big veggie garden. Just a matter of good management IMHO. FIL saves all the napkins and then has food on his face, sigh...

An old adage comes to mind: "IF IN DOUBT, THROW IT OUT!". When my Mom went into the NH, I had to clean out her apt (emotionally wrenching experience). I found dry goods and canned/bottled items that were years past their 'sell by/use by/best by' dates. Towards the end of her independent living days, Mom would take things out of the freezer to defrost, then decide that she wasn't ready to cook the item, and put them back in the freezer. I would tell her "Mom those chicken breasts have been defrosting for three days. If you don't cook them tonight, you will have to throw them out because they will be spoiled by tomorrow". Her reply: "Oh No! I just took them out of the freezer this morning - they're fine! The next day, I would find them back in the freezer, uncooked. I really had to keep an eagle eye on what came and went from the freezer. Same thing with cold cuts sitting in fridge more than 10 days. Even if I showed her the date sold label on the package, she wouldn't believe me. It got to the point where I had to weed out the old stuff when she was alseep, because she had a conniption fit if I started rummaging around in her kitchen. All the old/questionable stuff when right down the garbage shute before she woke up. If she couldn't see it, she didn't miss it - that's the dementia.

My Mil use to shop in costco in bulk for her and her husband. when we moved in to take care of her after he died, I tried to clean out the freezer and caught H-ll. she actually moved a lot of that food from their last home and it was years old then. then a hurricane struck and we lost electric for 4 days-gosh just had to throw everything out. I had to clean out my mom's huse whenwe moved her to AL, I had 30+ large garbage bags of trash-every piece of paper, plastic wrap margarine tubs etc. Garbage men came 3 times because their truck of full(another house was cleaning out down the street!) now my mom saves what she has not eaten at her meals in AL for my chickens-most of that I throw out and I always have to check her fridge for leftovers. I take it and she thinks it is going to the hens. she still wants to take all the leftovers when we go out to lunch. when I drop her off i never give them to her and she has already forgotten she had them. As for sour milk, when they grew up it was real milk and went sour-pasturized, homogenized milk goes bad not sour. I use raw milk and there is a difference.

Folks, the thing about mold and bacteria is that they can be present but not VISIBLE.

I am much of a hoarder with the mindset that if I throw something out I will need it the next day. So often this comes true. so I am in the process of going through the house and separating the things that I can get rid of in the event of downsizing. If downsizing comes to fruition it will be because I can no longer manage certain tasks therefor I don't need that lawnmower or whatever and it can be rehomed. I am concerned steven's mom as you are about the stuff stored in your mom.s basement because it does indeed pose a fire hazard. My eldest daughter says if we move 90% of our stuff should be thrown out. Over my dead body honey.

I appreciate your opinion, Spoony; and it has bothered me a little that I'm taking things from my mom's house without her permission. I do have my dad's permission, however. In my situation, the issue is not just extra can openers, it is my mom getting upset and crying when she can't find anything because she has so much junk in her kitchen drawers and she doesn't remember where she puts things.

It's also a matter of overall safety. Her house is very clean but it is so cluttered that I'm sometimes afraid that something in the basement could catch on fire because of having so much stuff around the furnace and boxes packed up to the ceiling. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

Spoony - I live with my Mom, and do the cooking. She and I go round and round over when to throw things away. Since I am now in charge of the kitchen, I figure it should be whatever I am comfortable with, but we share the grocery bill, and her Scottish blood keeps her from anything out. With my MIL, it's her house, her rules. I can't do anything about it except make a comment now and again when we go to visit about 3 yr old mayonaise or the like.

PS to Blannie: Yuck. No bugs allowed in my pantry either. That's what re-using bread bags and newpaper bags is for.

OK, I vote with the Depression-era hoarders here. I'd sniff that oregano and if it smelled OK, into a sauce it would go. I am the Leftover Queen; if I'd been there at the miraculous feeding of the five thousand, there would have been fishcakes for MY family for sure (Hey Jesus - can we have one of those baskets full of leftover bread and fish to take home if it's too much for You and the twelve to eat up?). We'll need a takeout box, please, or necessitamos una caja por favor at the Mexican place, every time, as long as the food was any good.

But seriously - no mold or bacteria can be allowed to grow, it goes bad, it goes out. In the garbage can and not even the kitchen trash. Now a few bad spots or items doesn't mean throwing out the batch, though; even if I have to put on a mask (allergic to mold), I will pick it over and salvage the good part. Meat smells bad, trash can gets it unless just a little iffy then the dogs get it. Milk is bad when it smells or tastes bad, and you don't need any for baking. Those cinnamon rolls were probably fine too...yeasts make carbon dioxide, its their job! Expiration dates are just suggestions :-). Sell by dates on the other hand I tend to respect. Stores want you to buy more, but to be happy with what you get. Now, believe it or not, I have gotten food poisoning from restaurants, but never ever from my own kitchen.

I have NO idea how I got this way. Other than being hungry so much of the time due to my genetically high appetite plus getting migraines if I miss a meal. My mom would YELL at me to "throw it out" - food that was perfectly good, cards and letters, things used once that are multi-use - and I'd pretend to, but usually manage to save it. She always prided herself on NOT having to be thrifty, sort of the anti-Depression. I guess I got it in my head to always be prepared, to never be without; I guess I have that phobia of being without, which is not without some realistic basis (ask me about my toilet paper system :-). And deep down I believe that if, and perhaps only if, we are not wasteful, we are promised we will always have enough. The only thing that keeps me from being a real full-fledged hoarder is giving stuff away, which I can do easily as long as there is a good cause in town. And I compulsively recycle. And I'm 55.

Spoony, while I understand what you're saying, the way I look at it is once my mom gave up taking care of anything and I assumed that responsibility (because she wasn't doing it), I also assumed the right to keep things in good shape. I was noticing little bugs around my mom's medicine holders, so starting looking in the drawer where they were stored. She had left opened packet of crackers in there that were TEEMING with creepy crawly bugs. Bugs by the hundreds. UGH, UGH, UGH! They were in her cabinets too, where she'd left opened cookies and crackers, because she doesn't want to throw anything away. It was ME who had to clean them out and keep them away. My mom doesn't even remember that happening, which is not like her. And it will be me that has to clean out mom's place once she passes away.

In my world, if you can maintain it (basement, garage, pantry, whatever) then you have the right to say what goes/stays. Once you turn that responsibility over to someone else, they get to choose. Ultimately I'm doing the best I can to keep my mom healthy and happy. It that means I throw out stuff she would save, so be it.

I have noticed that some posters are concerned about their older parents / grandparents still keeping a number of old things either in the refrigerator or the basement etc., so they proceed throwing those away. IMO you have to consider the fact that these older people have lived through the depression years, and now do whatever makes them feel safe & secure. Either out of habit or else in case this happens again. Which I wouldn't be surprised considering the state of economy nowadays, but I digress.

I am a little confused here. Are you trying to help your loved ones, or else do you want to change them and their habits to your liking? A few extra can openers stored in the basement definitely don't present any danger, that's what I am thinking. Of course it wouldn't make any difference either way. But the way I see it, you are trying to change your loved ones' habits to your standards.

I hope that I won't grow that old, so that someone else makes decisions for me. Just saying.

Re the cinnamon rolls, the few times I've made store-bought ones, the roll apart cans always sort of explode when you open them. It's a function of compression and raising (i.e. yeast) agents. Personally I'd be a lot more worried if it didn't explode open (i.e. about dead yeast).

As a seasoned cook and baker, I would agree with others who say that the dates on containers frequently only indicate when the best flavor/texture of items will end. The most important thing to bear in mind is that anything manufactured (i.e. canned/preserved)--like salsa!--has tons of preservatives in it, and as long as it's properly refrigerated or frozen after opening it will likely keep for ages (unless there is cross-contamination with, say a fresh food). Fresh, non-preservative-packed foods spoil more easily, but in these cases the spoilage is generally quite evident (i.e. sour milk, moldy bread).

This whole scenario sounds a bit like me--today I discovered a month old Dunkin' Donuts iced tea, some radishes so old they were black, and some petrified cheese in my fridge! All went to the garbage immediately. And bear in mind that some people are more "waste not, want not" than others. Some families don't eat leftovers, as another commenter said, some--like me--can't tolerate throwing something useful out, even to the point of forgetting it! Just bear in mind that standards of usefulness vary among people--most young 'un nowadays wouldn't know what to do with sour milk. I, as a baker, know it has many excellent uses!

Sounds like you need to do the snipe attacks with your MIL, equillot. Those are the kind where food just disappears. If it is ever missed, all you have to say is that it is probably in there somewhere, just hidden among all the other things. Of course, you have to make sure it is in some garbage that they can't find. Even one time caught, we would be busted.

Jessie - My field isn't biology, but I've heard about all those beasties that can grow on food, and they scare the heck out of me!! Like you, I also think that old food just doesn't taste as good. It tends to get that old refrigerator/freezer taste, even if it won't technically kill you.

When we moved into this house 2 years ago we cleaned out my mom's refrigerator at her condo. We found things in there that had expiration dates from 2004 (7 years out of date). Same thing with her canned goods and spices.

My MIL is even worse. I dread the day we have to go up and clean out her house. She has been saving cool whip containers for years. She intends to sell them some year when she has a garage sale for 10 cents each. She's been going to have this garage sale for 15 years now - when she gets organized. She's 90 now. Her refrigerator is so full with stuff that you can't ever find anything. She actually has 2 refrigerators that you can't find anything in. I fully expect her to get a third and start filling it up.