He lost our mom 3 years ago( they were married for almost 51 years when she passed.) He has always been opinionated, likes to be the center of attention, His daughter in law is 28 years of age with two of his grandchildren (4 & 3 years of age). She can't do anything right! He has pissed off her mother, brother and father with his comments. Dad thinks everyone should drop everything and do what HE says or wants done! Dad is a Vietnam Vet: worked several years for the Tx, prison system; and retired from Travis County Sheriff Office. I don't want the family to alienate him due to all of us live 1 hr. away. and since he owns a gun now; im not sure what he would do if he's cut off from the family. His parents wasn't very much in our lives due to he HATED TX; they were from upstate New York.
your mother was his subordinate replacement after he stopped working.
Chain of Command. Most of his life majority of his life there has been organized chain of command. Sheriff Dept. TEXAS I presume. Texas doesnt have a Lone Star State Reprutation. And as state I belive Won OWN Independance amount of times Award.
Lot of people immigrated from Moussri to Texas back and forth. Right to bear arms openly in public. Get him a dog to train something that already has basic training obedience and well house trained will play catch. this might work.
Chain of command he is general of his home. And family extends to his home.
Did mom jumped or anticipate his commands and fufill them before hand as a good first Lt.
to base commander.
Texas Sheriff is tough. Dont tell me he was part of border patrol too Thats the old longriders. If that so. pack it in make visits brief cordial with appointed maid to do his bidding. or hire someone for visit to tend to his needs.
Its hard for someone used to organized chain of command to adapt to being without a totem pole when spouse is gone.
Didnt say his rank but maybe giving him the RESPECT for those who served overseas in a unpopular conflict CIA advisorary status action(war) and those who voiced the truth about the war being a war and why in an unpopular time.
Address him with his rank and thank him for his service.
Now you can try to respectively request a conference out of respect for him ,with him.
For what good it will do.
in least amt words explain other family not as well organized as he dont understand chain of command and are misunderstanding his affections.
Ask what how he would like visits organized to provide comfortable pleasent enviroment for family time visitation.
Try to involve in some time organized planning he can be TOP GUN of. This might help. if not theres always skype
Do not fall prey to the magical thinking of "he always knows what day it is and he knows everyone's name, so it's not dementia." Alzheimer's gets all the buzz, but there are many, many forms of dementia. Vascular, Lewy Body, fronto-temporal -- to name only a few.
The non-Alz dementias manifest via one or any combination of thr following: personality changes, apathy, inapproriate anger, "no filter," impulse control, inability to reason, problems executing and completing "life maintenance" tasks.
It might be time to examine dad's blaming, lashing out and withdrawing in a new light. The condition of his home and car will give you clues, too.
The questions that you & your family would like answered will need to be answered by a geriatric specialist and neurologist. Start plotting now. And don't beat yourself up if dad never gets there.
However, if dad is ever hospitalized or in an ER for any reason, pull aside the attending physician and head nurse -- and lay out all of your observations and concerns. Sometimes that's the only way to get to the next step.
I'm confused about what Texas and Upstate New York have to do with your dad and the family.
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