My elderly Mom used to be more engaged but this last year she spends more and more time in bed and nothing else. I have talked with the doctor and psychiatrist. She says she is not depressed, just not feeling well. I am sympathetic as she is almost 89, but seeing her in bed all the time in the small place we share is depressing me. Can anyone suggest anything? Other than moving out to another place I find I cannot change her behavior. Maybe only how I react to it. I don't know what 88 is like. If you are taking care of someone with a similar situation, please let me know. Thank you..
Does she have a nice place to sit, comfortable, temp pleasant for her? A view? does she have a tv in her bedroom? Even if she sits in a chair, better than staying in bed too much.
If she is not feeling well, maybe a visit with her doctor would help for her to discuss. I know it’s common for elders to say they are fine when asked but sometimes they will confide in a doctor or nurse things they don’t want to bother you with.
Does she have a wheel chair or rollator? Perhaps a walk outdoors in the evening or early morning would help. Does she come to the table for meals? Have a change in appetite? You don’t mention what your moms health concerns are so it’s a little difficult to be helpful. Might be way off here.
If you take her temp, her O2/pulse, BP, pay close attention to her elimination, you might ferret this out. How long has she been staying in bed? I know you say the trend is more often but keep a journal. Also weigh her. Is she bathing, regular, getting dressed each day? Combing her hair?
I can tell you of the half a dozen or more elders I have paid close attention to, At 88 they are doing fine. (except for two, one has Parkinson’s, the other had COVID, stroke and dementia. Even he is still up and about. Not staying in bed.)
But I don’t know what your moms health issues are.
My DH aunt, almost 95, with dementia and now on hospice, moved into her bedroom pretty much 24/7. She recently fractured or sprained her ankle (exray couldn’t tell) so now she is not getting up to sit in her chair. She would never admit to being depressed but she has been on an antidepressant for a few years and we increased it this year. It seemed to help for awhile. Right now she is confused why she is in bed but doesn’t want to get up. I can understand her staying in because she has lots of reasons. She is still bathed and changed daily and is noticeably feeling better. Next week her therapy will start.
So it’s an individual thing but do a thorough evaluation. If your mom is going into a decline, you will have a baseline. When you talk to the doctor you can provide that info. It makes her feel cared for and it lets you know that you are doing what you can.
A change of scenery is often a good tonic. Calling a friend or relative she can speak to might perk her up.
And of course, watch for signs of COVID and UTI.
As FG said don’t let yourself get run down. It won’t help either of you.
Other than that, you are correct in saying that you cannot change your mom, only yourself. Make sure when she is in bed and resting that you are getting out of the house and going and having some fun with your friends, or even by yourself. Going to lunch with friends, going shopping, or just for a walk around the neighborhood, can do wonders for your mental health.
Don't let moms choice to stay in bed, drag you down. You have a lot of living yet to do, so get out there and start taking care of you.